What's the best advice you could give to a First Time Mum?

[Itsmyarmsthatarecold]

I'm due my first baby in a few weeks and would like to hear any words of wisdom!

Breastfeeding: "if it hurts you're not doing it right" is bollocks. I bf two babies and it was excruciating to start with (second time round, nipple shields were life savers) but gets easy and convenient. Do check latch and tongue tie etc but it might still hurt - didn't last forever though.

I didn't realise something very simple - newborns just fall asleep whenever they want but fairly soon you have to actively put them down to sleep which might mean rocking, feeding etc. Getting naps sorted in the day has always been beneficial for us (not always possible with some babies!)

Use loads of breast pads all over your bra at night as they move in the night and you end up with milk all over you. Either that or wrap a towel round you; I used to wake up soaked.

Listen to the first 3 posters on this thread.

And learn how to stand up for yourself particularly around HCPs. So if for example a HCP comments on your feeding choice either give them the fuck off stare or tell them politely to fuck off as some still need to learn women's situations are individual.

Do not waste money on cute baby outfits. They will never wear them. You will be changing baby clothes 4/5 times a day. Especially if they have reflux! Do not delete unflattering photos of the early days. You may think you look bloated and ugly and tired but you don't get those moments back. Enjoy every cuddle. My youngest is 3 now and every time she asks for a cuddle I drop whatever I'm doing and give her a cuddle. One day she will be a horrible teenager and not want me anywhere near her. Do not compare your children to others. Encourage good behaviour as well as punishing bad behaviour. Give yourself a break. We are all learning as we go along. And most importantly give yourself a big pat on the back. You brought a child into the world. You did an amazing thing.

I'm not due until April so I might bookmark this thread. It all seems so sensible now, but I'm sure I'll need reminding when hormonal and sleep deprived!

Buy a tumble dryer!

Relax.
Have confidence in yourself.
You will find your own way.

Prioritise - Baby first, then you, then your relationships, THEN the housework!

Trust your instincts
Take the help and support
You’re doing just fine
This too shall pass

Every baby is different and every family is different. So what works for someone else may not work for you. Start by following your instincts and adapt to what seems to work for your baby.

Your baby cannot fall off the floor.
If you have a boy, remove his socks before changing his nappy.

pee in the bath, sleep when baby does, batch cook and f**k the housework!

Remember that even though the first weeks may be horrific, things WILL improve and your baby will learn to fit in around your life rather than you having to tiptoe around and have a tennsecond shower when he permits you to

Be kind. To the baby, to your DP and to yourself.

Ask for help when you need it, take it if it's offered and will be genuinely helpful, don't try to tough it out. I got mastitis at 6 days old and tried to tough it out, until the midwife next came at 8 days because I didn't want to bother people. I got a bollocking off the midwife and a well deserved lecture on why it was so important for my baby that I look after myself. Baby needs you fit and well, as much as that is possible. So take the help if you need it and if it isn't offered, ask!

Other than that, I would say find your own way, and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself, or for your baby. You are it's mother, which means your word goes, in almost all cases. Trust your instincts and don't be scared to put your foot down if it's needed.

Finally, be kind to yourself. It's really hard at times. Accept that it's hard and be gentle on yourself.

Don't compare yourself to others. It might make you feel crap that someone in your antenatal group is always out and about with baby, goes to the gym and has the housework sorted. What she doesn't talk about is how she's been tempted to leave the baby at the local school and run away or how she's put extra clothes in her gym bag so she doesn't have to go home because she can't cope with her new life and she keeps herself busy to keep the thoughts at bay.

It seems that it's ok to struggle with practical things but people don't talk openly when they're struggling emotionally with motherhood. As others have said, know that it's ok to not love every second and find yourself someone who you can talk openly with without feeling judged.

As long as baby is well cared for and you feel happy, that's all that matters.

I'm pregnant with my second and have just read this book which is full of great stuff about how to be kind to yourself after giving birth. It's not advice about the baby but rather advie about your body, rest, recovery, food, (gentle) exercise, mental health etc. Wish I'd had it for the first! Can highly recommend. Good luck :)

Everyone is different. Some people struggle with pregnancy. Some people sail through. Same with childbirth, same with newborns, older babies, toddlers etc. Sometimes that's because of specific things (illness etc), and sometimes the stage just isn't your preference.

So I found the newborn phase fab, and a breeze, but to some, it's the trickiest time. Part of that may be due to them, or the child, but also some people prefer it, in the same way we people prefer dogs to cats or vice versa.

So don't judge yourself or others if you find something tricky, thst others find hard, or vice versa.

Oh, and they are quite hard to kill, so accidentally using adult shampoo, or realising that you gave 3ml of calpol not 2.5ml accidentally isn't going to cause any harm. I'm not saying be negligent obviously, but that they are more resilient than you realise, and if you have a second, chances are you'll really find that out... Basically, if you can be a relaxed second child parent if a firstborn, then you save yourself a lot of worry.

Stock the fridge and freezer with easy to make/reheat meals.
Sleep as much as you can now.
Don't plan anything for the first six weeks.
Have a changing mat upstairs and one downstairs with all the associated paraphernalia in each place
Listen to advice and then make up your own mind
Have a first aid kit ready containing, sudacrem, nipple cream, baby bonjela, gripe water, calpol, baby vicks, condoms!!!
Wear clothes that don't need ironing
Have an easy to style hair cut

Good luck, enjoy x

I think I am very different to other people. I didn't want to sit around in a dressing gown looking a mess cuddling my baby all day. Its just not me. (But its totally fine if YOU do). My babies were in Gina Ford routines, so I knew exactly when I would be able to have a shower, wash my hair and put my makeup on whilst he took his first nap (9am). Having clean hair/clothes and make up on is the key to keeping me sane.

I am the type that likes order and efficiency, so a tidy house, shopping done, meeting people for coffee and organising walks in the park with our prams. For me this was a lifesaver, although others might have thought me mad. We are all different and I feel no guilt for getting on with my life more or less as it was previously, but slotting my baby in with that.

My boys are all in their teens now, much, much harder work as I'm not in control anymore!

Also an old lady once said to me when my baby was fussing in a shop and I looked stressed and apologetic, "Don't fret dear, no baby ever died of crying". And she's right.

Also, personally I didn't want the look that screams "new mum" so never had a pram bag or changing bag. Just a normal large handbag with a hand towel in it (to use as a mat) and wipes and a nappy does the same job.

BigusBumusBigusBumus, agreed. It's fine to just carry on with life, but with a baby with you. I didn't sit around in a dressing gown either. Just not me.

A normal handbag is fine, and tbh it doesn't even need to be large unless you have a sicky baby. I could fit a bottle in an insulated container, 2 nappies and some wipes in my regular handbag, and that's all you need when going out and about - less if you don't need the bottles.

Agree with PP who said lower your expectations about what you'll get done in a day. I'm currently going through the newborn stage for the second time and it's a good day if I manage to get a wash on. DD is 7 weeks old and a velcro baby at the moment so I just go with the flow. Some days we'll stay in and cuddle, other days we'll go out to see friends, to the shops, into town etc. I don't stop myself getting on with everyday life because I have a newborn. But I'm also happy to have days where we hibernate because DD just wants to be held.

Also don't listen to anyone who says babies will get into bad habits if you hold them too much or pick them up as soon as they cry. DS is almost 8 and I practically have to force hugs out of him at the school gates! He hasn't grown into a velcro child! So cuddle your baby as much as you want. Read up on the fourth trimester as I found it really helpful.