What's the best advice you could give to a First Time Mum?

[Itsmyarmsthatarecold]

I'm due my first baby in a few weeks and would like to hear any words of wisdom!

I found the new born baby time quite difficult. The best advice I was given so will give to you is that it gets easier. You won't always be so tired 

It's ok to sit on the sofa and watch a lot of box sets when they are tiny. Your newborn doesn't need swimming lessons, or sensory classes, or anything but you and your voice. By all means go to these things if you need to get out and see people, go to coffee mornings and toddler groups if you need to leave the house and talk to an adult, but if you want to veg out, cuddle your baby and watch reruns of your favourite TV shows then don't feel guilty - your baby is not missing out on anything!

I wish I had stopped committing to things in the early days - i.e. I didn’t want people to think I’d changed, just because I’d had a baby (!!), so despite exclusively breastfeeding I left her for a night to go to a concert and would regularly try to keep up with my childless friends by going out for dinners and drinks when all I really wanted to do was be with the baby. In reality everyone understands and I wish I had said ‘no’ more.

I’m not sure this even makes sense! Ultimately you might feel like yourself again quickly, or you might feel like being in a baby bubble for a while and both are ok!

Keep visitors at bay if you don't want company. You don't know how the birth will be and you will need to rest regardless.

Sleep as much as you can now, sleep deprivation is terrible!!
Try enjoy the first moments as time flies.
Don't let anyone tell you what to do, it's your baby and you will know your own baby.
Get out as soon as you can with the baby or by yourself, you'll need it!
First 6 weeks (poss more/less) is very emotional time, cry if you have to.
I also agree with @Nothisispatrick bottle is just as good.
Your life is about to change permanently. Make the most of these last few weeks with you and your partner as when 2 becomes 3, everything changes! It caused issues with me and DH, I do everything with baby, he works, separate rooms separate beds ,etc and ended up with a lot of distance between us. However ended up bonding with my baby even more. Not saying this will happen to you but enjoy the time as just both of you and work together as a team afterwards. You've already done so much in the 9 months and the 4th trimester is yet to come.
Good luck and congratulations. It's a miracle when you hold your baby that you carried.

Ps. Sleepyhead, MAM bottles, HiPP Organic milk, baby massage and blackout blinds are lifesavers 

Let your little one lead you, relax when you can and learn to nod and smile at the barrage of advice that comes your way I'm 7 months in and I'm led to believe the advice never stops so I'm glad I got working on my nod early haha! Congratulations in advance xx

Don't aim for perfection. Not one of is or will ever be. You'll get things right, you'll get things wrong, it's trial and error. You will know (even when you doubt yourself a little) you will just know. So no pressure on yourself.
If you get one bad day, two bad days, three and so on, don't assume all days will be the same.
You'll have treasured moments and one day you will not be able to figure out how fast the time has gone because wham!!!! They will be all grown up and you will say 'wow, didn't I do a great job, my kid is amazing'

When i was pregnant with my 1st baby someone told me - never warm a babies bottle. It was a great bit of advice and meant I never got caught out if there were no warming facilities. I used to just mix up the bottle and give it at normal room temperature.

I would say don’t worry if you don’t feel that immediate overwhelming love. I didn’t and worried about it. So I spoke to lots of mums and lots (almost all) said they didn’t feel it either! My love for my dd grew as we bonded and it took a few weeks.

Lower your standards and if you don't love your baby as much as you thought you would, it will come.
The first few months are a mindfuck and don't make big decisions until you get a bout of good sleep x

This thread proves that you need to do things your way.

I loved some routine and found doing things like making sure the kitchen and living room was cleaned every night helped a lot. Dh did his bit to make sure it was done.
I also had easy recipes at hand and did as much ‘bung in a dish and shove in the oven’ type of dishes as much as possible.

When baby is teething badly ibuprofen is the anwser, paracetamol is no good. If it is bad enough you can always alternate them.

Wish I knew this, after 4 hours of baby waking up every 30 min screaming from pain. One measure of baby ibuprofen and she slept whole night.

(Of course baby needs to be big enough, and of course not every baby has such a bad teething experience).

And read unmumsymum book if you feel like you are failing and are not made for this. It helped me in a very gloomy time by just saying that what I feel is normal, and lots of other people are in the same spot.

Ive got a 10 month old & my first is 23 so Ive just had to relearn everything again!
In the early days when he's still new I would say to just Concentrate on looking after him & yourself... The rest can wait. I tried to do everything in a day & just wore myself out, when baby gets older you start getting into a routine, feeding, naptime etc so it becomes easier.
It will all be quite scary being a new mum & life will never be the same again, you just have to adjust and enjoy the baby stage (first six months or so) as after that they pretty much turn into toddlers overnight!
Oh and don't worry if your birth doesn't go to plan, mine didn't but so be prepared for that. Good luck!

Zip up sleepsuits and a baby nail filer machine are very useful!

Nobody bats an eyelid if you breastfeed or your baby cries in public.

A lot of my anxiety about leaving the house was around other people being negative towards us or being annoyed at us. DD is now 4 months and the only people who make any comment at all are those who smile at her and tell her she's beautiful (even when she's being a screamy nightmare)

No matter how much you are desperate to get out of the house in those first couple of weeks (and really feel like you should be out and about because other women did!)......DON'T!!
Just enjoy that special time resting and relaxing with your baby. There's many many many more weeks to come where you can go out and about and you'll never get these special couple of weeks back.
Also you do need to rest and recover. I had a c section and I really rested as much as I could at first and had no recovery problems whereas my friend was out and about and her stitches came open and infected. It might just be a coincidence but rest is important!

My other piece of advice- don't feel guilty about anything! I beat myself up so much when I stopped breastfeeding at 6 weeks and I totally regret all the tears now she is 2.5! Really wasn't worth the worry- she is perfectly healthy, happy and clever!

Good luck and all the best with your birth!

Appreciate every minute! Such a cliché but it's so easy to get stressed out, sometimes I look back to my DS1's newborn days and think I spent too much time being stressy, tired and frustrated than appreciating his littleness.

Take lots of videos. I have loads of pictures but barely took any videos, and now I struggle to remember what he was like when he was tiny (movements, noises etc) rather than just what he looked like!

Don't feel guilty about napping when the baby naps - leave the housework etc and just sleep!

Good luck x

Find out where your nearest breastfeeding support is, and go (or make contact) at least once before your baby is born. NHS support is often inadequate, sadly.

Some to try:

www.nct.org.uk/local-activities-and-meet-ups
abm.me.uk/find-a-local-breastfeeding-support-group/
www.laleche.org.uk/find-lll-support-group/
www.thebabycafe.org/find-a-cafe/
www.lcgb.org/find-an-ibclc/

If you still have a sure start centre, they might have a group.

Don't read the books. The basics are easy, baby will cry if hungry, wet, pooing, about to poo, tired. All the rest, if it works stick with it, if it doesn't try something else!

Practical stuff, pretty well all baby clothes will pull down, especially with the envelope neck, this will be useful at some point...

In a similar vein, spare clothing for the person most likely to be holding the baby can be a useful addition to your change bag...

Ignore what everyone else says and just do what works for you. Eg

• I was quite into routines and the baby fitting around me. Others would say that’s daft and you should fit ‘round the baby.
• I would have never co-slept with the baby- others swear by it.
• I used dummies - my mum was anti them.

Etc etc etc.... just do whatever works for you and don’t feel guilty about it.

Trust your instincts and practise saying "no" to well meaning interferers.

Ignore all the bollocks "advice" from others. As long as you're keeping your baby fed, clothed, healthy and safe, that's it.

It’s boring and monotonous
You might not love your baby straight away
Get partner to help straight away - it’s tempting to want to do everything yourself but he needs to learn too
You won’t have a clue what’s wrong with baby but it’s usually hunger , wind , tiredness or dirty nappy - try these as a process of elimination.
You will feel so vulnerable and look at the world in a different way
Your protective instinct will kick in and you will be like a mama bear

That’s all really best of luck !!!!

I would agree with anicebitofquiche in that the newborn phase isn't always the easiest. My toddler is now so much easier than he was as a newborn. So don't panic if it's hard to start with, it doesn't mean that it's always going to get harder.
My advice would be 'it's just a phase'. Whatever part you find hard, just tell yourself it's only a phase. Within a few days or weeks, things will have changed for the better. So e.g. when you're absolutely exhausted and can't ever see baby sleeping through, they will eventually, just take things one day at a time.

It's perfectly normal to not feel normal! The first few weeks after are quite tough so put NO PRESSURE on yourself to be supermum.
Screw the housework, take time off social media & look after yourself too.

Take any offers of help, I wish I did!

Most importantly, always remember you're doing a cracking job even when you think you don't know what you're doing. We're all winging it day to day, I still am 5 years on 

Treat yourself to a mummy mot or at least so your kegels religiously.