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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Lingerie

30 replies

silver2424 · 25/10/2018 16:59

Is it appropriate to buy my pregnant wife some nice lingerie - not maternity specific stuff but just some nice quality, sexy lingerie that she may wear/enjoy post-pregnancy? Or is this inappropriate given that it may be seen as pushing for sex when that may be far from a priority at present? Any thoughts?

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PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 25/10/2018 17:05

If DH had bought me some sexy lingerie post birth, I'd have been very upset- and I'm not a sensitive person.

Those first few weeks are daunting, getting used to your body looking totally different. The last thing I'd have needed was DH reminding me of my wifely duty to look sexy and available when I felt like a leaky, squashy mess.

user1484247439 · 25/10/2018 17:06

Buy her a spa day. Much much better

mumoftwox · 25/10/2018 17:07

I agree with above I am not sensitive either however this would be the last thing on my mind and would make you feel pressured nice pjamas instead lol

TinyMarie · 25/10/2018 17:07

Women feel a bit of a mess straight after pregnancy and giving birth so she probably won't be feeling her sexiest. I think you're on the right track with getting her something that's for her and not baby related but it may be a few months before she's feeling ready to slip into sexy lingerie.

Stephisaur · 25/10/2018 17:07

I wouldn’t.

Firstly, neither of you will have ANY idea what size she will be post partum and getting nice underwear that doesn’t fit is just soul destroying.

What you COULD do, is get her a voucher so that she can treat herself when she feels ready.

Spooples · 25/10/2018 17:07

I second the spa day suggestion

WinkysTeatowel · 25/10/2018 17:09

Nice PJs would be better

Totopoly · 25/10/2018 17:11

Make her a promise that you will give her regular bits of time to herself doing anything at all that doesn't involve anyone else. That might just mean she gets to have a bath or drink a cup of tea without anyone making demands. Then stick to it. She is more likely to want sex (and lingerie) at some point in the future if you show her this degree of care and consideration. The woeful lack of it is one reason my marriage fell apart.

SoyDora · 25/10/2018 17:15

Well I don’t think I would be upset or offended but I wouldn’t be particularly ecstatic with it as a gift. What’s the point in something that you can’t/won’t use for months? I’d rather have something that was useful to me at that time.

RowenaDedalus · 25/10/2018 17:25

HAHA

No.

Original poster

silver2424 · 25/10/2018 17:35

Thank you for your thoughts. This is second baby and very early stages of second pregnancy and anniversary coming up hence the thought on a gift - I more wanted to send the signal that I still find her attractive notwithstanding pregnancy. Obviously don't want to cause upset hence the question on here and agree there may be better things to buy at this stage. I've already booked a spa day.

OP posts:

mama1DC · 25/10/2018 17:37

That depends, do you usually buy her that as a gift?

Original poster

silver2424 · 25/10/2018 17:44

No - infrequent

OP posts:

VickieCherry · 25/10/2018 17:46

Why would you not still find her attractive?

BlueBug45 · 25/10/2018 17:53

OP if you want something thrown back in your face for the rest of your married life then go ahead. If you unfortunately get divorced with unreasonable behaviour as the grounds then this will be citied as one of the reasons.

I don't agree with sending her on a spa day as if she is breast feeding only she will feel anxious leaving the baby for the first year.

The things that you can do that are sexy and priceless are:

Being able to care for your baby on your own without having to call her. First so she can have showers and baths without worrying when you have a newborn, and secondly when your baby is older so she can go out for a couple of hours without worrying she is going to get a phone call because you are useless with your child.
Take on some household tasks that need to be done daily. Do them without prompting, do them without making a big deal out of it e.g. no woman wants to know you cleaned the floors everyday as they fucking need to be done, and do them for the long term.
Give her time to herself as much as you can in the week even though you have to go back to work. By this I mean if she's been in all day with a screaming baby you come home and take over for a couple of hours without making a big deal out of it.
Don't bug her for sex postpartum as her hormones will be all over the place be patient.

Original poster

silver2424 · 25/10/2018 17:58

Yes - thank you - as I say, this is second pregnancy so I have learnt something from the first experience and appreciate all of things listed - all of which I did first time round and will certainly repeat.

This is not a post-birth present - far from it. She is 8wks gone, our anniversary is coming up the spa day will be in the fortnight - obviously, she will not be breast-feeding. I just thought a maternity massage and day relaxing in the early weeks of pregnancy would do her good.

OP posts:

BigRedBoat · 25/10/2018 17:59

I wouldn't be keen on sexy lingerie as a gift from DH anytime, unless it was something I had specifically said I wanted as it's more of present for him than for me!

SuperstarDJ · 25/10/2018 18:20

Spa day and massage in her first trimester sounds good if she’s into that sort of thing. I’d leave the lingerie - it’s the last thing most pregnant women would want.

Sexnotgender · 25/10/2018 19:19

Honestly I wouldn't.

If you want to buy her a gift some beautiful jewellery would be better.

SophieStripe · 25/10/2018 19:34

Wow! Some comments are useful and some are really giving you a hard time! I think u sound like a nice guy, especially coming on here to ask.
E. G "why wouldn't you still find her attractive"? No reason he wouldn't but maybe she has said in her last pregnancy she felt fat/unattractive and he is trying to show her he doesn't think that way? Plenty of women coming on here saying "ugh I feel so unattractive". And god having this thrown back in his face...its just lingerie and not all women think its just for the man! Not all women feel anxious leaving their baby for the first year either.
I do though think that Pj's would be better. Maybe some of those amazing cashmere ones from the white company? They are so comfy and will do her until she can't fit them anymore and would be lovely in her first few weeks post birth. Spa also sounds amazing but make sure she is past 12 weeks. Most spas won't do any treatments before 12 weeks. Some nice smelly stuff also would be good for some relaxing baths... Jo malone kind of stuff...

HarrietCole · 25/10/2018 20:05

I also think people are being overly harsh on this guy. The thought to buy a gift and to go as far to ask for advice is a positive gesture so I don't think there is need for such negativity.
Personally if it were me I would want some lovely pjs and some really nice bath bits. Victoria secret do some gorgeous silk pjs and nice bath bits that might be the right combo of comfy and sexy at the same time. She might like something sentimental like jewellery that incorporates the baby so maybe a personalised date engraved or a locket? I'm sure she'll be very grateful regardless what you go for 😊

SoyDora · 25/10/2018 20:07

If I got lingerie intended for after the baby was born, I’d feel the same as if someone bought me a wheel of gooey Brie and a bottle of gin! A bit short changed and pissed off. I’d want something I could appreciate at that time.

Original poster

silver2424 · 25/10/2018 20:20

Thank you all for your comments - much appreciated. She has complained in the past that I have not bought her lingerie and expressed concerns that I have lost interest in her sexually around and post pregnancy (which wasn't the case) and thus I just wanted her to feel the opposite - i.e. nothing has changed and I still find her very attractive - so much so that I want her to feel great about herself by having something nice to wear for her (not me). That said, I appreciate the timing is not right and other presents at this time will be better received. I think I will settle on some comfy pjs from the White Company and keep the spa day booking (maternity package and facial which she loves) which will be at 14 weeks. There will be a time in the future for lingerie. Thanks again.

OP posts:

Darkstar4855 · 25/10/2018 23:39

Just wanted to say it’s really nice that you’re thinking so much about what would make her happy.

What made me feel attractive and feminine in pregnancy was not lingerie but nice maternity clothes. Maybe a gift voucher for somewhere like Jojo Maman Bebe or Seraphine would be a good alternative? Seraphine in particular do some gorgeous dresses.

PBobs · 26/10/2018 01:35

I think your question is well intentioned. I would LOVE some fancy PJs from The White Company. That would make my day. In fact, I might go and order some now.

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