Pregnant when you already have one under one?

[legalseagull]

My DD is ten months old. I'm four months pregnant. Oh. My. God. I'm so tired. I've just started back at work (so I can get another lot of maternity pay), DD is waking at 4am daily and I'm just getting more and more run down. Sick this week and today developed a cold.
DD is my soul, but really demanding. Won't play alone or generally chill out, always needs attention. Any other pregnant ladies in the same boat and want a little whinge?
Anyone been there and available to give me a pep talk?
It's just gone 9pm and I had four hours sleep last night so am already in bed. 💤

You can do this.

I have a 12 month gap between my 2. It was super hard to begin with but it's so easy now and has been since older dc was about 18months.

I wouldn't change it for the world - they adore each other.

It’s brutal. Weaning nappies+morning sickness= a special kind of hell!

Oh god the teething nappies have been awful! Glad to hear it gets better relatively quickly!

my ds just turned 1 last week and i am due to give birth next week. yep i found it incredibly hard i went back to work when he was 7 months old and just finished last week. since he turned 1 a lot of things seem to have clicked. He started walking a few weeks before his bday and now he is entertained (and tired out) by just walking laps of my front room giving people toys etc. and now if i say no to him he will semi listen to me whereas before i would be jumping up every 2 mins to pull him away from the fire or to stop him climbing on tables etc. I am sure it will be very difficult when new baby arrives but I just wanted you to know that it does magically get better as they develop. so no ideas how to suggest getting through it we just sort of did (just 😂) but it will work out in the end. just keep on going you can do it!

Get DH to alternate the night wakings unless you are still breastfeeding to sleep. Night on, night off then you can alternate nights and get a decent sleep every other night.

Our gap isn’t as small as yours, I’m 3.5 months preganant and our first is 2 but I wanted to reassure you that it is not much easier with a bigger gap! I’m really sick this pregnancy and our first is really really busy, running everywhere, wanting to be out doing all the time i.e. go to the park as climb up all the big kid stuff which I then have to follow him up, ‘help’ with absolutely everything at home, refuses to go in the buggy but weighs 13kg to carry when then gets tired and no longer naps! On the one hand I couldn’t be happier on the other I couldn’t be more exhausted or more over the early pregnancy crap! Good luck!

18 months between my first two and I did find the second pregnancy much harder. One has to fit in with the baby's routine rather than one's own . My DC 1 was easy in many ways but was waking several times a night at that time.
I didn't find looking after two together particularly difficult once the first spell of chaos was over.

I feel for you op - you deserve a medal 🥇 my dd is 3 I'm 6 months pregnant and feel rubbish so can only imagine how you're feeling. Hopefully things will improve soon

Mine have practically looked after each other since the youngest was about one. I’ve got it so easy.

They were both horrendous babies btw so I have had my fair share of suffering. You’ve made a great decision to do this :)

It gets better. Mine are now 21 and 22.
First 2-3 years were really hard and we live 8 hours drive away from family so just us.
Both were colicky babies and difficult to settle. Youngest did not sleep through the night until nearly 3 years.
They are great now, the difficult times are worth it, and it was all over very quickly.
I do remember the bone aching tiredness and all day sickness.

16m between my 2 DDs and it's ace, DD1 was walking when DD2 arrived and was very keen to get involved, we bought eldest a doll with nappies and clothes so she could play babies while I had the real baby - they adore one another now 

I was pregnant with a 9 week old new born and a 1 year old. I promise it gets better!!!

I second what @Bees1 says about it not being much easier when gap is slightly bigger, I have a 4 week old who was born 2 weeks before my daughter turned 2.

My whole pregnancy I was exhausted and all her dirty nappies made me sick (right up until I had him haha) I literally went straight to bed as soon as she did for 9 months!

It hasn't actually been too bad now baby is here, she has mellowed out a bit and tries to help me out with him. She's deffo grown up a bit since he's came. Although she has been fiercely independent since she was around 11 months old so I suppose that helped a bit.

Oh I'm so happy to read all of these! This weeks just been so horrific that I've had a wobble. It's great to hear it gets easier once the eldest develops just a little bit more. She's just started crawling. I can't carry two, so let's hope she's walking by then! I'm imagining having a newborn with DD as she is now where in reality she'll be a completely different child in March.

@SolitaA thank you for that. You've given me a boost of hope 

I have the same age gap. DS1 was 16 months when DS2 was born.

Being pregnant second time was tough! It was much easier once the baby was born.

Is suggest you try to get your eldest being as independent as possible. Eating and playing independently.

Get into the habit of reading a story quietly on the sofa with you. (When you are feeding baby this will be handy)

Can you start doing some sleep training now? At 10 months it would probably be quite effective.

My biggest tip- nursery. Can you afford to put your eldest in nursery for a couple mornings a week? It really really makes the world of difference. It gave me peace and time to bond with newborn. Time to clean the house while newborn napped. And just a little quiet time.

Mine are 22 months and 6 months now. I find I never leave the house as one is always napping or its raining e.t.c. so try and get out lots before baby arrives.

Hi OP,

I'm 19 weeks pregnant (due in March) with DD2 and DD1 is 10 months old. Apart from being tired, I've been able to deal with both up until now. But DD1 has now started teething and stopped sleeping through, just as I've gone back to work. 😩

I'm finding it quite difficult to deal with the lack of sleep and then doing 8hrs at work. 😴

I did it twice so when my third was born my eldest had just turned 3 a week or so before and I had the newborn and 18 month old. It’s incredibly hard but doable. 7 years on now its all a big grey fog though, I don’t really remember those days which is sad. I was on citalopram after a few months too but that didn’t really help.

It’s worth it as they get older though. Just enjoy the nice moments and do your best to get through the tough days. And ask for help, I soldiered in which was a big mistake.

Sorry I was talking more about after the birth. Pregnancy was tough. V tough. I worked, had two under 3 and was v sick. Horrible times. But totally worth it once it’s all done. No advice really, just try to get through it with your sanity intact. I nearly didn’t. Put cbeebies on and don’t feel guilty for it!

What are the hardest parts of your day? Apart from the obvious general exhaustion.

@myotherbagisgucci sounds like we've got exactly the same problem. She was sleeping through 7-6 but it's all gone to hell and now she's up at 4 crying. I'm hoping it's temporary.

She's just started nursery as I'm back in work. I really hope we can afford to keep up at least a few mornings a week, even just for a few months.

Hardest part of the day? Nighttime's. The general anxiety that I'm not going to get any sleep keeps me awake! I just know I'm only going to get 4/5 hours. Some people might cope with that, but I can't. I'd naturally have 9 hours!

She's crying in her cot now and I feel awful but I'm just leaving her to it. I can't imagine having two of them. It's what I wanted though and I keep telling myself it will be worth it and it's just this week being so hard that's giving me anxiety

I think my DD might be waking due to a mixture of teething and separation anxiety. It's definitely a struggle though when you're pregnant and tired.

Is your DH able to help at night or family to come round during your days off work and give you a hand? Xx

14 months between mine, DD is 21 months and Ds is 6 months. I feel for you, second pregnancy is hard work with a baby to take care of.

If it's any consolation I found looking after the two of them 10000000% easier than looking after DD whilst heavily pregnant,IV never been so exhausted in my whole life.

Take one day at a time, don't look to far into the future, you will get through it :)

@myotherbagisgucci DH is great (mostly except when we play competitive tiredness) but unfortunately family are all hours away. It's so good to hear that actually having two isn't too bad

Thanks for this thread, I’m currently struggling with a similar situation 😫 I have a three year old, ten month old and am nine weeks pregnant. Hardest thing for me is 3pm energy slump and having to get through tea, bath and bedtime routine... I’m working also and actually fine those days easier as I know they will be fed by someone else and I’ll just have to bath and get them to sleep! Im so lucky both sleep though, I don’t know how you’re still going OP... sleep deprivation makes the sickness feel so much worse x