Mum visiting from overseas after birth

[harriet63]

Hi,

I'm brand new on here and am looking for a little advice. I'm 14 weeks pregnant with my first baby and while my partner and I live in the UK, our parents live in Australia. We decided that, because it's so far to fly, that we'd ask grandparents to arrive three weeks after our due date – this covers us in case I'm late, as would hate everyone to miss baby completely, and gives us some breathing room and space (I really like my space).

My partner's parents were amazing and completely understood. My mum, on the other hand, is trying to insist on coming a week before the birth and staying for three weeks after. This is because of my sister's school holidays, which I understand dictates when they can fly. But I really feel it's too early and too much. The next time they could fly over is 2 months after the birth, which works better for us, but I feel a little bad. I just know my mum will be difficult and need looking after.

Would love to hear what others did with overseas parents visiting!

I put my foot down and, nicely but firmly, told my mum that it needed to be two months after the birth. She called me selfish, uncaring, unkind, thoughtless, said that it was unfair on her, that I haven't explained why I want that time alone (I have, many times and when I remind her of that, she says I won't stop going on about it... she's actually losing it), that she wants to go shopping with me the week before I'm due (?!) that she would never speak to her own mum this way (she stopped speaking to her mum after she behaved incredibly selfishly...!) and that I should compromise for her, among other things... It's never-ending and I honestly don't know what to do from here (except stick to my guns re her coming in June), but I don't really want to see her again at the moment, or speak to her. It's been left in silence now but I'm so upset and angry about the whole thing. Any advice?!

No change to the advice I already gave you. Read the book.

Her response is unsurprising tbh. Upsetting but predictable.

You don’t have to see or speak to her if you don’t want to, you can take a break for a bit.

Thank f*ck this toxic woman is abroad!!!!!

She'll get over it. You have done nothing wrong. Try not to let it bother you (easier said than done, I know).

I have been using headspace mindfulness app and find it helps me stop worrying about these kind of issues and be more at peace with myself.