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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Tell me it will be alright...

44 replies

bristols · 14/06/2007 21:18

I have a 9mo DS. An hour ago I did a pg test and it was positive. I've been crying on and off ever since. DH and I always planned to have another LO but we were hoping for a 2 year age gap (or so).

I loved being pregnant but I absolutely hated the first twelve weeks with the newborn baby. I found it incredibly difficult and became very, very down. I don't feel ready to go through that again. I don't know how I'll cope with two babies under two years old. I have no family locally so we have little support.

I feel very guilty for feeling this way. There was so much excitement when I found out I was pg with DS. I worry that I will never be able to love another baby in the same way I love him. I also feel dreadful for not being happy about this. I know that I am very lucky to be pregnant at all. I haven't even gone back to work after my maternity leave yet.

My head is spinning.

I'm just feeling in need of some positive stories, really.

TIA

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

nomdeplume · 14/06/2007 21:23

congrats bristols

On the up-side

FWIW, almost everyone thinks that they cannot love another child as much as they love their firstborn, but they do. They really do.

The age gap would be 18mo, so not that far off your 2yr plan

Have you told DH ? Give it time to sink in, the shock is still very 'new' and I suspect you need a bit of time to get your head around it.

lulumama · 14/06/2007 21:24

it will be ok

you will cope

you will love DC2 as much

it will be hard. but rewarding and wonderful

think about any help you can get after the birth,maybe a post natal doula , anything to make the newborn time better if you find it hard going

Original poster

bristols · 14/06/2007 21:26

Yeah, DH was there when I did the test. I think he was rather taken aback when I burst into tears!

Thanks for your quick reply. You saying "congratulations" felt quite nice...

You're right, it will take quite some time to get used to the idea.

It feels good to talk about it all.

OP posts:

nomdeplume · 14/06/2007 21:26

foxybrown · 14/06/2007 21:27

If it helps, my DS was 5 months old when we decided we were going to have another. After a week I panicked and changed my mind - but too late! I felt terrible, scared, guilty for my DS1, had to stop bf'ing him, found it quite hard all in all.

DS1 wasn't walking when DS2 was born, physically it was very hard. I felt overwhelming guilt - I remember crying and saying 'Sorry' to DS1 in the early days. BUT there is a huge upside to having them so close. Now they are 5 and 4 they have the same friends, are very close, like the same things, go to the same places. I had to be very organised. They were at the same nursery at the same time, things like that mean they support each other and take a lot of comfort from one another.

Since then we've had 2 more (well, number 4 is due in 2 weeks). They play so well together, they always have each other (means they keep each other occupied and frees me up!). I wouldn't change things for the world!

Aloha · 14/06/2007 21:29

Oh sweetie, everyone feel sthey will never love a baby like they love their first an feels guilty (ok, I did) but it never works out like that. your love muscle is a funny thing, it stretches and stretches and stretches. You will love your dc2, and you will love how much your children love each other. I could never in all my life given a better child to my ds than his little sister. They love each other so much and it makes my heart hurt how tender they are - especially my ds. He is so so so kind to his baby sister. Nothing has ever moved me so much.

Original poster

bristols · 14/06/2007 21:31

Thanks foxybrown, that definitely does help. It's great to think that the two of them will be close.

I need to get thinking about the positives rather than the negatives!

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Emskilou · 14/06/2007 21:33

Hello,

Would also like to add my congrats to you and your familly the age gap between my lo's is 14 months and when I was pg with ds and my dd was 7 months old my husband left me (nice guy).

Not going to lie it will be hard work to begin with, just getting used to it all, but at the same time the most rewarding thing ever. Each day I look at them both and feel well and truly blessed to have them, they are amazing, especially when they play! I think the closeness in age is a wonderful thing. You'll be surprised how helpful your eldest will become, my dd is like a 2nd mummy to my ds, which is handy!!!

I never thought I could love my ds as I do my dd my precuious first born!! but I do.

Well enough blabbering from me, take care of yourself

Em xx

Original poster

bristols · 14/06/2007 21:34

Aloha - I know I'm probably a bit hormonal and am definitely emotional, but your post made me cry. Again! Thank you so much.

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yellowbean · 14/06/2007 21:34

aloha, what a lovely post.
congratulations.... it'll be fine.. i thought i couldnt possibly love another baby, but i do...so much i could explode with joy some days. i felt guilty too that dd1 would have to share me... she doesnt mind now... she loves her sister and has taken her under her wing. also, i have found the baby stage second time around SO much easier... enough to make me broody for a third! don't tell anyone!

Aloha · 14/06/2007 21:38

Oh, it's so true. It moves me every single day how much they care for each other. They are the core of each others' lives. My ds was asked to play at his friend's house. When I said dd wasn't invited he just sobbed and sobbed. 'There is no point in going at all if she isn't going.' he cried. They are best friends. It has opened up a whole new side to my ds.

foxybrown · 14/06/2007 21:39

It is lovely. My girls are going to be 2.5 years apart and that seems like a huge gap to me!

Like Nomdeplume says, you aren't that far off your plan, and no one I know who has a small gap wishes any different.

There is help available. Even if you can't afford to pay for it you can contact a local college and give a childcare student a placement, or employ a trainee doula or maternity nurse, just to get you through the early days. But you've done it once, and its definately easier second time around. You'll recognise when you are feeling low and hopefully be able to manage it.

Congratulations to you and your family!

uberalice · 14/06/2007 21:42

Congrats bristol. I struggled with ds1 the first few weeks, and also worried that I wouldn't cope when ds2 came along. Truth is that you're so much more confident the second time round, you know what you're doing, and even though it's more of a juggling act, you do get very good at juggling. I also couldn't imagine loving another baby as much as my first one, but it just happens and it's wonderful.

On a practical note, do try and sort out some help for the first few weeks - can your dh/dp take some paternity leave / holidays? My dh managed to wangle nearly 6 weeks leave and it was such a help to me in the early days, and when he went back to work I coped far better than I thought I would.

Good luck!

RIELOVESBACARDI · 14/06/2007 21:44

i had 3 years between my first two kids and i found that harder they r now 17 and 14 and pretty much hate each other lol.. my last 2 r 6 and 7 and it is great

Original poster

bristols · 14/06/2007 21:45

You ladies are fantastic. Thank you so much. Have just got DH to read the thread and he is touched by your kindness too. Am feeling so much better already.

Off to do another test in a mo, just to make sure. Reckon I might smile at the BFP this time...

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hazygirl · 14/06/2007 21:56

congratulations it will be great, hard work but enjoyable. my daughter and son are eighteen months between them and even they are in the twenties now are still protective of each other. there is the same between my granddaughters now and there is nothing as nice as sitting here watching and listening to their games, good luck and congratulations again

Original poster

bristols · 14/06/2007 21:56

Yep, still positive. DH and I had a big cuddle and I'm feeling so much better already. Am settling down with a hot chocolate now. Feel like a big glass of wine, but will have to pass on that one! Thank you all, again.

OP posts:

yellowbean · 14/06/2007 22:02

glad I'm not the only one that couldnt just do one test... i did four the last time!!! do another and feel great (don't wee on your hand) Congrats, hope you enjoy a worry free pregnancy, xxx.

divastrop · 14/06/2007 22:09

just wanted to add my congrats,and back up what everybody else has said.i have 11 months between my first 2 and 15 months between my last 2(have 5 altogether)and i found the close age gaps can be hard work but well worth it!

foxybrown · 15/06/2007 11:10

More cheery today?

compo · 15/06/2007 11:35

Congratulation
Our first Sept '06 lady to get pregnant
You will have the exact same gap as my sister and although she did find it hard work she has managed beautifully and her 2 ds' love each other to bits.
And we'll be supporting you all the way

Original poster

bristols · 15/06/2007 13:27

Wasn't feeling too good about it all this morning, but better now. I really ought to book an appointment with my GP to get the wheels in motion for scans etc, but am dragging my heels a bit. Think that'll make it all very real!

OP posts:

foxybrown · 15/06/2007 15:45

Take it easy and get used to the idea first. Its so much easier second time round!

hoppingbunny · 15/06/2007 15:56

I've got a 12 month age gap between mine and it's great. They are 2 & 3 now and are starting to play together. It wasn't even that difficult when they were tiny because they tended to need similar things. Don't believe the harbingers of doom who tell you that you'll have an awful first 6 months/year/5 years. It really is fine and I would do it again if I could.

hoppingbunny · 15/06/2007 15:58

Looking at the other posts again. You'll see that the people who've actually done it think it's fine. IMHE it's only people who haven't that think it's a problem. I agree with foxy.

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