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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Tell me it will be alright...

44 replies

bristols · 14/06/2007 21:18

I have a 9mo DS. An hour ago I did a pg test and it was positive. I've been crying on and off ever since. DH and I always planned to have another LO but we were hoping for a 2 year age gap (or so).

I loved being pregnant but I absolutely hated the first twelve weeks with the newborn baby. I found it incredibly difficult and became very, very down. I don't feel ready to go through that again. I don't know how I'll cope with two babies under two years old. I have no family locally so we have little support.

I feel very guilty for feeling this way. There was so much excitement when I found out I was pg with DS. I worry that I will never be able to love another baby in the same way I love him. I also feel dreadful for not being happy about this. I know that I am very lucky to be pregnant at all. I haven't even gone back to work after my maternity leave yet.

My head is spinning.

I'm just feeling in need of some positive stories, really.

TIA

OP posts:

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Original poster

bristols · 16/06/2007 12:40

Thanks, foxy and hopping. TBH, I think that I'm finding the surprise element of it all so difficult to deal with. I am normally such a planned and organised person! This take me off guard.

I feel sad that I don't feel the same excitement over this pregnancy as I did with the last one. When I told my parents the last time, there were tears etc. Have just told them about being pg again and there was nowhere near the same reaction. In fact, my Dad didn't say anything at all!

Hopefully that excitement will come in time. I feel better about the small age gap now. I have heard so many positive stories.

OP posts:

foxybrown · 16/06/2007 14:34

Even if you'd had a bigger gap the reaction wouldn't have been the same as with your first. I'm pg with number 4 and my parents reaction was positively negative! We'd planned all of ours close, so everyone thought we were stupid/mad/both!!

If I'm going to be honest with you, which I want to be, its not a bed of roses. I found it harder to bond with DS2, felt guilty etc etc, but having spoken to other mums, thats normal and has nothing to do with me being me or being disappointed in anyway or anything. It would have been that way regardless.

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. They'd react the same anyway. Just wait until you are on number 4, complete strangers recoil in horror!!

rozzyraspberry · 16/06/2007 14:55

Congratulations on your BFP Bristols

Could your parents reaction have been more muted because they can tell that you're a little unsure and shocked? At the end of the day all your parents want is for you to be happy and as you get used to the idea of having another and get more excited they will too.

When are you due? If it's Feb come over to the Feb ante-natal thread.

bumperlicious · 16/06/2007 15:18

Good luck Bristols - you'll be great. At least you know what to expect this time round. Have no idea how you feel as I haven't even had my first yet, but I know a lot of people feel the same as you about having a second child at any age. Try not to feel guilty on top of everything, just roll with it and know that you will feel better eventually.

Sounds like you have a fab DH too, which is really important. Good luck

JetPeanut · 16/06/2007 15:31

Congratulations!

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday as I'm thinking of trying for baby number two (dd is 16 months). The age gap between my friend's dc is only 12 months. She said that the 2nd one she found much easier on an emotional level. Remember those early weeks with first baby, when everything was so scary - "am I doing everything right?" and "will it always be this hard?" My friend said that the second time is not like that. You are more confident. you KNOW it gets easier in a couple of months. You don't get a constant stream of unwanted advice from relatives either - because this time you are 'experienced'! She also said how wonderfully close her two children are. I think there is a lot to be said for a small age gap. Blimey, I feel really broody after writing this...

fruitful · 16/06/2007 19:10

Babies really really do bring their own love with them, you'll be amazed that you can love two children this much, but you will.

I've heard people say that 18mo is a better gap than 2yrs because it takes the older child about 10 seconds to think that having a sibling is normal, and isn't fully into the 'terrible twos' yet.

Second baby is way easier than the first. You know (ish!) what you're doing, you know the baby isn't going to die if you have to let it cry for 5 minutes, and most importantly, the baby has constant entertainment laid on (by big brother).

And your ds should still be having daytime naps so you have a good chance of getting one too! With a 2+ gap, your older one might be giving up naps when the younger one is tiny, and that is bad news!

Am reading thru the other posts ; you never get the same excited reaction when you announce subsequent pgs, its nothing to do with the gap. You won't get as many presents either. I'm pg with no 3 and have no time to be excited myself, too bl**dy knackered.

Congratulations!

Original poster

bristols · 16/06/2007 19:48

Rozzy - EDD is 2 Feb, by my reckoning. Will def come over to the Feb thread when I'm feeling a bit more on top of things. Don't want to bring all those mums to be down with my warblings.

Fruitful - I do hope that DS is still having daytime naps! He loves his sleep so I'm in with a good chance...

Thanks for the advice regarding the first few months. That is what I am dreading the most. It has to be easier, doesn't it??? Hopefully I'll be more relaxed. I am the sort of person that has to get everything 'right'. Maybe I'll be a bit more relaxed this time.

Bumper - are you TTC? If so, good luck. It must really p*ss you off to see people like me moaning about being pg. Sorry.

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alipiggie · 16/06/2007 19:52

Another congratulations here. My ds's are 18mnths apart too. It is hard work for the first few months but you'll soon get into a great pattern. My two adore each other and are great little playmates so now they're 5/4 respectively I have very little to do to amuse them. In fact ds1 even got breakfast ready for us all this morning. Saying "mummy you always do everything so I thought I'd do it for you today". Life doesn't get much better than that. Oh and I'm a single mum too these days.

notanotherone · 16/06/2007 20:44

I was in similar situation a few months ago. I felt really sad about being pregnant again, and then even more sad because I knew I should be happy, my ds was 4months old, but as the weeks have gone past it has got better, and now I really am looking forward to baby coming in few months time. It is not the same as my first pregnancy but it is not as bad as it felt in the early weeks. Promise it will get better.

Scanner · 16/06/2007 20:55

Bristols - just wanted to add my bit, dd1 was 2 and dd2 was 3 months when we found out I was pg again, so when ds was born his sisters were 3 and 11 months. Like others have said it was hard, but don't forget although you have more hard work you also have more joy. Mine are now almost 8 and 5 & 4 with ds starting school in September I feel like the hardest part is over and we just have fun now.

They are all the best of friends and it is true what people say about it being over quickly - my other friends who had three were all so envyous that when they were having sleepless neights I was all settled.

I also found it hard to feel happy and when I was pg with ds and tried to think about what it would be like, my mind just wouldn't allow me to think about it. I'd get that horrible sinking feeling, but I got through it and we are all fine and happy.

Think about what someone else said earlier about getting help from students on childcare courses.

Good luck and enjoy.

Original poster

bristols · 17/06/2007 13:53

Ali, notanother and scanner - thanks for sharing your stories. They do make me feel better. I just need to get my head around this and then I'll start to enjoy it, I'm sure.

I'm going to make my midwife appointment tomorrow which is a step in the right direction. I'm also going to give my HV a ring and hopefully she'll pop round for a chat. She's very good and supportive.

Will definitely give some thought to the childcare students. A friend of mine is a lecturer in healthcare at the local uni so she could probably help me with that one.

I'm definitely feeling better every day. It's going to be mad but worth it!

OP posts:

bumperlicious · 17/06/2007 17:58

Hi bristols, no I'm not TTC, I'm trying to give birth! (40 weeks tomorrow!).

Don't worry about how you feel. Yes, when some people are TTC and having trouble it must be galling to hear when people are unsure etc., but your problems are your own, and you can't help how you feel. Yes you have to be sensitive to others, but they have to be sensitive to you too.

Original poster

bristols · 18/06/2007 09:54

bumper - good luck! I was very lucky with DS, I gave birth the day before he was due. The waiting must be horrible! All the best

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time4two · 18/06/2007 15:10

Bristols- I've had to name change for now because of RL, I have just got a faint positive so nothing confirmed yet- I haven't yet returned to work from maternity and I have a 8.5 month LO. I am really, really worried.

Original poster

bristols · 19/06/2007 08:56

Time4two - what are you worried about? The same sort of things as me?

OP posts:

skirmish · 19/06/2007 09:06

i got pg when ds was only 3mths, so i will have a year between them (due in nov) - and yes, i am worried about how on earth i will cope with two (some days i barely manage with one!) but also, look forward to them growing up together, and i'll be done with the whole 'baby' bit before i know it.

On the plus side, i'm just thankful that we have managed to get pg again and fingers crossed everything will be ok.

i had feelings of doubt when pg with no 1, so would be strange if you didn't have some kind of apprehension with this one

congrats

time4two · 19/06/2007 14:08

Yeah- its the feeling depressed after the baby is born- I had to have counselling after the birth of LO but after about 12 weeks things calmed down.

I woke DP up at 5am this morning (after my BFP) with Clearblue, to tell him. It is definitely not the same excitement. Very early stages as I am only 3+5 days!!

I always said that I would like to have had both my children by the time I was 30, not bad seeing as I was 30 last week!!

Original poster

bristols · 19/06/2007 17:12

Who did your counselling, T4T? Could you get in touch with them again? Maybe you could have some sessions before this one is born?

From what people have told me, its never the same excitement for anyone with the second.

I haven't been in touch with my HV yet, but am definitely going to try to see her next week. Could that be worth a try for you too?

Thinking of you

OP posts:

samsmam · 19/06/2007 20:51

I had counselling from NHS Maternity Counsellor. She used to be a midwife. I saw GP today and he says he'll see me in a few weeks to discuss 'things.'

BTW- Changed to my real MN name now as I've told my friend I was hiding from on here!

Bristols- are you coming on the Feb 08 thread?

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