I hate being pregnant.

[user1489659822]

First of all, I write this title with a pang of guilt as I know some people struggle with infertility and would dream of being in my position. But I just need to put my feelings somewhere.

I am pregnant with my first child. It was completely unplanned. I am nearly 17 weeks. I am suffering badly with the physical symptoms and I have just had enough (I even considered termination early on but decided not to). I feel sick/am sick every day, I have horrible heartburn and acid reflux, my back hurts, my stomach hurts, I can't get comfortable laying down, I'm so tired all the time, I'm constipated, I get horrible headaches. I feel like I still have a hundred years left to go and was really hoping once I hit the second trimester I would feel better. I even had a gender scan on Saturday to try and help me bond with the baby but I still just feel in denial that this is happening. I hate that I'm putting on weight and my body is changing. I'm scared about money and being sleep deprived; I have a few health problems which are worsened by lack of sleep. I have been to the doctors regularly but they can't find an anti-emetic that helps me, and I have been off work for nearly two months. I'm starting to feel tiny movements but this isn't making me feel enamoured with the baby.

Has anyone else felt similar? :(

I felt exactly the same. This is my first pregnancy and I hated it up until around the 20 week mark.

That was when I started to feel the baby move properly. This sounds so cliché, but it was like all the horrible bits of pregnancy melted away.

I'm now 30 weeks and any time my back hurts, or I feel shitty or anything else is getting me down, then I sit with my hands on my tummy and feel him move about. It's so weird but it feels so special.

It's not unusual to feel a bit down by the changes that your body is going through, but if you are really struggling to bond with baby it might be worth talking to your midwife and getting checked for prenatal depression.

Hope your pregnancy gets a little easier soon xx

My pregnancy was utterly miserable - I was having twins and I was so unwell at the start and suffering so much at the end. I did feel better for a while in the middle, I hope you do too. I can say it’s all worth it in the end, but I didn’t feel any bond either to be honest.

Yep I hate it. I have had 2 relatively easy pregnancies (bad mirning sickness until 16 weeks then usually aches and pains etc) and have hated every single second.
I hate the restrictions on my life, I hate how I look, I hate all the horrid clothes I have to wear, I hate missing out on all the fun, i hate missing out on good food, I hate feeling heavy and full, i hate that I can’t sleep properly, and that despite fancying DH like mad there is no comfortable way to have sex, I hate that work is getting interesting and I am going to miss out on that. Basically it’s just rubbish and I am massively resentful thy DH is getting a lovely new baby too, but he doesn’t have to put up with pregnancy and childbirth. It’s just not fair (stamps feet in matter of spoilt child).
However I know it’s all worth it and have my eye on the prize so to speak. Also appreciate how lucky I am.
But yes you have my sympathies it’s utterly horrible.

I’m 36 weeks and can honestly say I’ve hated every minute and still do. Baby was planned and very much wanted (I also appreciate how lucky I am to conceive). That however does not mean you should feel guilty for not enjoying pregnancy. Some women are lucky and have wonderful times, others not so much. In fact, I could have written your post myself.

I think the problem is also social media driven. Everyone seems to love their pregnancy bump and being pregnant, but you don’t see posts from women who really struggle or dislike the time. Why? Because of guilt, because of fear of offending others and thinking if I’m honest about how I feel, will I be supported if the worst was to happen?

If I was you I’d be honest as can be. Reach out to friends, tell them. It turns out 2 of my friends did not at all bond with their bumps. Mine moves all the time, his nursery is good to go but the disconnect emotionally is huge. I did get slightly emotional wondering if I would bond when he was here but after speaking to friends and family who also didnt enjoy pregnancy, these fears have gone. I think knowing you’re not alone is a big help

Yes I worried a lot about binding, but once DD was here I was smitten within a day or so x

Bonding!!!not binding

I feel the same and we have similar symptoms!

Firstly, I really recommend getting referred to a physio for your back pain, I've been seeing one weekly and whilst I'm not feeling like my old self, I do feel as though I'm managing better. Secondly, talk to your GP about the heartburn. I was prescribed ranitidine and later omeprazole and that has kept the heartburn under control. Thirdly, remember this won't last. I forget this and end up feeling down in the dumps but there IS and end in sight, just be kind to yourself and take care of yourself as best as you can until the baby arrives. Oh, lactulose for the constipation and a nice big u-shaped pillow has kept me reasonably comfortable!

You’re only made to feel guilty because the media largely depicts pregnancy as a wonderful time where women bloom and are filled with the joys of spring. If everyone was warned of the true realities of pregnancy, I bet there’d be less choosing to have children .

It is a difficult and strenuous time for most women. Don’t feel guilty for feeling that way, it’s natural and normal. Most women struggle with it to some extent. The first trimester is utterly miserable for most people and that often overlaps into the second. By the time you’ve reached the third trimester you’re a humongous waddling whale peeing every two seconds and having a complete inability to get comfortable. It’s all a bit miserable but I promise the result is worth it, you just have to drag yourself to that point.

You are definitely not alone.

As wonderful as having a child is (and it really is), actually being pregnant is fucking godawful.

My dc was an unplanned pregnancy, and was fairly straightforward until the end apart from relentless nausea (but never actually throwing up much so they couldn't really do anything for me) but it was miserable. I absolutely hated how vulnerable and out of control it made me feel too.

I was hot, sore, uncomfortable, my emotions were all over the place, my skin went to pot, my gums bled and I was permanently exhausted.

I was angry with my bump for ruining my life, taking my freedom, stopping me eating and drinking my favourite foods and generally clipping my wings as well as all of the physical things. Multiple times I found myself thinking that this was a spectacularly bad idea and that actually no, I don't want to be a parent at all (but also didn't want to abort, I just wanted to have never been pregnant in the first place)

I did bond with my bump a couple of weeks before dc was born though, when a very loud noise made him jump. I'm not sure why but that made something click.

It was bad enough that ds is 5 now and is still an only child, and is going to remain that way for the foreseeable future.

I would consider adopting before being (purposefully) pregnant again.

All of that being said, ds is five now and the absolute best person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He is the best thing in my life.

But what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I'd echo pp and say speak to someone, even if it's just your midwife

I was exactly the same.
And I had the pregnancy from hell. Hit every square on the "things that can happen" bingo card.

However I love my DD to bits. Instant bond once I was out of intensive care. (no chance for first 4 days as didn't get to see her)

That being said neither me or DP are willing to go through it again.

However I have had many many friends who had terrible first pregnancies and then had very easy second ones. (I'm just not willing to take the chance lol)

@ploppymoodypants outlined every single reason that I’ve disliked pregancy. Also, the fact that people react strangely I you admit that you don’t like being pregnant considering those reasons!

It’s not as if I don’t want the baby! I just refuse to accept the fact that I can’t walk without a sharp pain in my groin as wonderful and cute experience. Amongst other things, the constant rib pain, insomnia, stress, the fact that I’m out of breath even lying down and too exhausted to get up off the sofa- even though my back is in so much pain I need to walk around. I hate the fact that nobody knows how physically difficult pregancy can be because it’s accepted as natural and therefore bearable.

I’m so fed up. 31+5 and love my baby but I’m done with being in pain now. Can’t believe there’s still another 2 months.

Thanks everyone; I'm so glad I'm not alone xx

It's a means to an end. Something that has to be tolerated. I had a colleague who would constantly bang on about glowing, loving being pregnant etc. We're not friends anymore.

YES. Hated hated hated being pregnant, much wanted baby and I love being a mum.
But pregnancy? Did not enjoy 1 minute.
It shall pass. You are not alone.

I loathed pregnancy. Ervy minute of it. I was sick and in pain. But I adore my baby boy, he is amazing and I would do it all again to have him.
Its okay to sure pregnancy and it doesn't mean you won't cope in labour or not enjoy your baby when he arrived. In fact I think I enjoyed babies arrival more as I no longer felt as bad - despite suregey after giving birth. Go easy on yourself op.

the next 22 weeks or so need to hurry up!!

Thank you for posting this OP, I really needed to hear these things today - I'm struggling so much, am the first of my friends to have a baby and they are just baffled that I'm not overjoyed. It's very hard.

hugs Rosie xx

I absolutely love the honesty and supportive nature of this thread.

I agree @OhFlipMama xx

I'm expecting DC4 (19+2). I have had relatively easy pregnancies, never been sick, no SPD. I love my children but I am at best ambivalent and at times resentful about pregnancy itself. I hate people knowing my business, I go off sex, have heartburn and am tired. However, it's a means to an end and the pay off has been, for me, better than any other shitty job, mundane trip to the in laws or boring form to fill in. These are all things we do for a greater purpose and we would not ever be expected to enjoy, love or marvel at them!

Pregnancy is not a magical time for everyone and that's ok. Motherhood isn't always magical either, but it's good to talk honestly about it.

Practical things I did to help myself were: buying expensive chocolates, salmon en croute and Belvoir cordial as a trade for pate and wine, pregnancy yoga or aquanatal as a chance to bond / just "be", a proper maternity coat so I wasn't just making do, theatre and cinema trips instead of boozy nights out. Good luck with the second half of your pregnancy!

Two pregnancies and absolutely hated both of them. There was the odd nice moment when I felt glowing for about 30 minutes, and I have to say towards the end when the baby seemed to get a 'personality' in terms of when they moved I quite liked that but... No, you couldn't pay me enough to ever be pregnant again.

It's fine to hate it. It makes many women very ill for 9 months. Doesn't mean anything about how you'll feel towards the baby once it's here. Plus there's no guarantee you'll be terrible sleep deprived - you hear lots about babies that don't sleep because people post when they need help and support, but plenty of newborns get the hang of sleep very quickly.

You're not alone OP, I'm 38 weeks and can't wait for it to be over.
I was insanely jealous of my partner being able to go out for a run or have a beer/ few glasses of wine, he's propelling in his career where as I know I've not been given bigger projects at work as I couldn't travel and they knew I'd be going off for at least 6 months.
Also hated my body getting bigger and being so restricted, currently housebound due to being unable to walk for more than 10 mins.
It's not all blissful bonding and instagram perfect bump pictures xx

You are not alone.
I'm 15 weeks and have been signed off work today for at least a week due to sickness and exhaustion.
Everyone told me at the beginning "just wait until your second trimester when you'll love it"... well I'm still waiting.
I really hope that settle into your pregnancy further down the line, but ultimately, that baby bond may only come when baby has arrived and that is ok :)

I was/am the same OP!

I'm 13 weeks pregnant with number 2 and both pregnancies have been tough, With symptoms the same as yours. Except this time it's harder because I have a toddler running around and can't just rest it off or lay down.

I kind of forgot how bad my first pregnancy was after DD1 was born.

Before you know it you'll have a beautiful baby in your arms and you'll forget a bit too.