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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Can I have sex or is it weird as single pregnant woman?

49 replies

Poppylizzyrose · 05/10/2018 21:27

Okay wasn’t sure where to post this!

I’ll dive right in and explain, I’ve posted about my past before but in nut shell- I’m pregnant didn’t think I could be (happy surprise) was only briefly dating the father he’s over the moon but I have no interest in being with him.

Baby wasn’t planned, I’d left the Dad for someone else but when I found out I ended that. Anyway the someone else is back from traveling, he doesn’t care that I’m pregnant and we’ve been out for dinner ect and remained in contact.

I am I think quite possibly the horniest person living, I feel embarrassed about it as tmi I never used to watch porn as it’s little raw for me but now I do. However I don’t know if I could go through with actual sex or what I’d do, I wonder if it’s wrong as the someone isn’t her dad. I considered her dad but it would be playing with his emotions and giving him mixed signals as he’s caught feelings i in no way share.

The someone is coming over Sunday, he’s offered to build cotbed and my changer for me. I joked I miss his back rubs and he flirted saying he could rub more than that. In a twist I know he’s seeing girl he was seeing befor he went traveling ( its casual) as he had encounters abroad. I wouldn’t want to be other woman though, I’m 31 weeks and I’m not anyone’s side chick! But then I think I do not want to marry this guy who smokes does recreational drugs; so where’s harm in fun. But I feel mixed up because my daughters here! I’ve already slept with him while pregnant but I didn’t know then I do now.. I miss cuddles and we’d snuggle up in bed watching films; sometimes I feel so lonely I don’t know what’s best gah gah Confused Confused

OP posts:
MustStopSnacking28 · 05/10/2018 21:32

Personally I think it’s fine - you’re still a person as we’ll as a pregnant lady or Mum! If you aren’t both happy with the situation and obviously both know what’s going on (you haven’t not told him you’re pregnant or something) then why shouldn’t you enjoy yourself?! Also I would say enjoy it now because I didn’t feel like having sex for a while free childbirth. You might feel differently but if not then it good to get it now!

MustStopSnacking28 · 05/10/2018 21:34

Sorry so many typos there!!! Obviously should be ARE happy with the situation. And AFTER childbirth. Sorry!

MissSmiley · 05/10/2018 21:34

If he's had encounters abroad make sure you practice safe sex with him, the last thing you want is an std while pregnant but otherwise go for it

Fraula · 05/10/2018 21:38

I wouldn't as a HIV test will not show the results of recent sexual activity. Not worth the risk, in my opinion, but i was also single and pregnant so understand your frustration!!

Original poster
Poppylizzyrose · 05/10/2018 21:41

Muststopsnacking thanks yeah he knows, he was there when I was throwing up in kitchen sink and we had brief worry baby was his! I’m also pretty big now; my midwife said she’s still engaged and I feel like she’s very low.

Suppose I’m just wondering if it’s wrong, I don’t know if I’d even want to it. I just wonder if i’ll think back and think it’s wrong. :/

OP posts:
MsMotherOfDragons · 05/10/2018 21:44

I dated while pregnant and frankly it was a bit weird but why not? There's certainly nothing wrong about it.

I think you know already that he doesn't sound like relationship material, but that's a different question.

The only important thing is to use protection if it's casual, you need to protect your baby and your health especially at this time.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 05/10/2018 21:51

No I wouldn't. I was pregnant with my ex before I met my husband. I was a single mum and lonely so I talked to people online.I clicked with one and we chatted every day and night.
He wanted to meet and date but I wasn't up to it. The thought of having sex with someone and being pregnant with another man's child doesn't seem right to me...And that's without things like STIs and HIV. You have to put your baby first.

Original poster
Poppylizzyrose · 05/10/2018 21:53

Suppose I also worry that he was quick to tell me he helped out a 8th month pregnant friend before. He’d actually told me that before I was, he’s created life quite a few times himself 🙄but only one was kept his son is in Australia. I worry he could tell people we’d had sex while I was whale sized though ....I mean everyone knows we had earlier but I was small then (I know these are odd concerns) plus if the dad found out he’d be disgusted, I didn’t know they knew each other but both live in same place. I don’t live there and didn’t know.

He’s no angel but he’s honest with me about who he is and what he’s done. he’s not relationship material, and I would definitely use protection.

I just keep coming back to, is it right? Is it okay to do? Will I feel bad afterwards?

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppylizzyrose · 05/10/2018 21:56

Chocolate coffee addict yeah I feel like it’s wrong, wonder if my hormoans and how lonely I feel aren’t pushing me to it. Maybe I’d just want the cuddle and closeness and the sex is so I’d get the after hug :(

OP posts:
MsMotherOfDragons · 05/10/2018 21:57

Only you can answer those questions! Sorry :-D

I thought it was fine and I didn't feel bad afterwards.

Once you have the baby, it will occupy so much of your attention and heart that you REALLY won't have the physical or emotional space to do much else other than being a mum. At least, that was my experience!

MsMotherOfDragons · 05/10/2018 21:57

I haven't seriously wanted to date since (and my baby is 5 now!)

Onlyfamandclosefknow · 05/10/2018 21:58

I think it's all about how you'll feel emotionally yes. Only you know. You have been through a bit recently with leaving someone for someone else, so do you feel good about yourself or a bit vulnerable already? If you are not in a good place I wouldn't.

Please practice safe sex to protect your body and baby and congrats on your pregnancy!

Original poster
Poppylizzyrose · 05/10/2018 22:01

Aww thanks onlyfam well I’m not emotionally linked to babies dad or the someone really. My ex before them was 4 years, he got his ex before me pregnant and is with one of my ex best friends currently, all just after he ended things with me, but that’s all on another thread lol

OP posts:
yesmelord · 05/10/2018 22:05

I don't think this man sounds like a great idea at all from what you've said and I personally wouldn't risk my health or the health of my un born child most importantly with someone like this.

I'm pregnant my self so I understand the need for physical contact BUT would you really risk it? He's seeing someone else and has said he's been sleeping with either women abroad? Plus the comment about 'making lots of life' is a bit disturbing.

It's up to you of course, but there's not a chance I would chance this.

Onlyfamandclosefknow · 05/10/2018 22:09

I vote not a good idea then. The after hug suggests this isn't about sex really. Are you feeling unloved?

dinosaurkisses · 05/10/2018 22:14

Hmm he doesn’t sound like a keeper does he?

If it was potentially the start of a healthy relationship with someone who was clear they were in it for genuine reasons then I wouldn’t see the problem, but from what you’ve said there is the chance that he could mess you about and cause unescessary drama 8 weeks before your due date.

Original poster
Poppylizzyrose · 05/10/2018 22:15

yesmelord I’m not sure if I will risk it :/ he told me after I found out he’s had 5 pregnancies, he literally shouted not again Blush but baby isn’t his. I was tested after I and am all clear (btw)

It’s tricky to explain why I’d want to, I really enjoy his company, he is very kind underneath this bad image. I’ve met his mum and nan, I wonder if I have vague feelings too. I don’t want to risk my babies health.

Just wish I didn’t want to, then I would be fine :/

onlyfam I suppose I do feel unloved, losing hope I will have a big love again now. But I’m 30 this year, didn’t picture I’d be single pregnant living at home :/

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 05/10/2018 22:22

I'd say no,not because of the sex itself but because of whom you want to do it with and why.

Onlyfamandclosefknow · 05/10/2018 22:25

You don't need sex with this man then. It'll probably make you feel worse.

Onlyfamandclosefknow · 05/10/2018 22:26

Get yourself in a good place emotionally. You are dealing with a lot.

yesmelord · 05/10/2018 22:34

Trust me I've been there and done that with this kind of bloke and it's really not worth it.

You have a child now. Your that babies mum and you are it's only protection.

Somewhere down the line you'll meet someone who's worth having feelings for, worth being intimate with....this guy sounds like he's being nice to get women into bed and by the sounds of it lots of women!
Doesn't sound like he's worth wasting any of your feelings on.

I know it's hard but try and distract your self with other things!? Lists? Preparing for the hospital or the babies room and clothes.

I went through a 'horny' stage in my first pregnancy, not quite there yet with my second (probably because I'm exhausted with DD1) but it passes. It must be very hard on your own but make of it what you can and put your body and your baby first ThanksThanksThanks

MustStopSnacking28 · 05/10/2018 23:33

Having read your responses I have changed my mind and think sex in general is fine for the reasons I said before. However I don’t think it would be a good idea with this particular guy, he sounds a bit like bad news!

SpoonBlender · 06/10/2018 01:02

I'm with Snacking - sex with not-the-father in general is absolutely fine if you wanted to do it, but probably not this guy. Totally up to you either way, of course - do what you want and feel comfortable with (except definitely use condoms!)

kmreeve · 06/10/2018 05:46

Having read all your reply's, you sound lonely to me and are seeking sex with your male friend for closeness and companionship- which is a normal feeling given your circumstances. However, casual sex isn't going to fill that gap you feel and like you say, could in fact make you feel awful afterwards.

If you're pregnancy hornyness is an itch that needs scratched, invest in a good vibrator ( sorry if that offends you) but it'll be around when you need that fix and comes with no emotional complications xx

kmreeve · 06/10/2018 05:49

Also... I met my now husband of ten years so far back when I was a single mum of 18 month old twins... there will be a good man out there for you and a role model for your child, don't panic and latch on to the wrong person out of fear of loneliness... it won't be the big love you deserve if that's the case xx