Friend (with permission to share): gave birth in a different hospital to me, different trust. Went in to labour and appeared to be progressing quickly (total time from first twinge to delivery was ~5hours). Arrived at hospital to be told, without examination, that she was not in labour. Friend insisted that she was and refused to leave without an examination. She was instructed to wait in the waiting area to be seen. Friend asked to be put in a side room as there were work men in the waiting area as well as non-labour ward visitors and patients but was refused. Eventually she was taken to a shared side room as she was "upsetting other people" with her noise. She was still not examined. A while later she was examined by a student midwife, who realised that my friend was 8cm dilated with an undiagnosed footling breech (one foot was already in the birth canal). As they tried to transfer her to delivery she gave birth in the corridor. Her son was in shock due to the speed of delivery and needed to go to NICU. My friend required surgical repair. She was emotionally very traumatised.
Me: water went with no warning and contractions started a short while after. They were immediately 90 seconds apart and lasted 45 - 90 seconds. I waited at home for 5 hours before going in, using hypnobirthing techniques. I got to hospital and after examination was taken to the MLU and laboured in the pool but before it was run I asked for an epidural which was denied and I was 'strongly encouraged' to get in the pool. I had no pain relief and was denied any when requested as I "nearly there" (this was 4pm) I transitioned (I knew it was transition as I threw up) but I never got an urge to push, my contractions actually felt like they were pulling sideways, not pushing down. DS descended part way down the birth canal and I kept telling staff that something didn't feel right. I was told it was crowning and normal. I was not crowning, it was not normal. My contractions stopped and I was transferred to delivery suit (2 hours after I started pushing/ transitioned - 'normal' delivery time from transition is less than 60 minutes).
Once in the delivery suite I was given the drip (which was actually fine) and my contractions started again and I was coached pushing. I refused to push as I kept saying something didn't feel right. I was called pathetic (the midwife said "stop being pathetic"). Eventually an obstetrician came in told me if I didn't push they'd get forceps. I kept pushing, but they didn't believe me as DS wasn't descending further. Eventually they got forceps and he was delivered, at which point the obstetrician realised he had been back to back. The paediatrician who checked DS over realised that he had been brow presentation and had been sat (stuck) on my pelvic ridge which is why is felt wrong and he wasn't descending. This was obvious to the paediatrician as DS had a ridge on his brow typical in that sort of presentation.
Thankfully DS is fine (brow presentation and vaginal delivery can result in very bad outcomes).
As a result of this, my pelvic muscles were ripped from the pelvic bone. This is irreversible and has resulted in urinary and faecal incontinence. Thankfully it has been massively improved with medication and physio but will never be fully rectified. It took 18 months of physio to get to a point where I do not need to be in sight of a toilet/ wearing pads. In addition to this I also have permanent nerve damage from where DS's head was sat compressing the nerve - sometimes this repairs itself, other times it doesn't or only partially does. Mine has had some improvement but not much and we have passed the point where it would get any better. Because of this I get very little notice of needing a poo (minutes at best).
Due to nerve damage my pelvic floor went in to spasm and sex was impossible for 9 months due to searing pain. Physio has helped this and sex is no longer painful, but due to the nerve damage I have no sensation during sex and orgasm is virtually impossible (previously was very easy). You can probably imagine the impact that has had on my relationship with DH.
Unfortunately I am not the only person I know who has had this happen.
What strikes me in a lot of the 'bad' birth stories I have heard over the years is the part medical professionals play. There is theme of patients not being listened too, ignored, their experiences dismissed in favour of 'experts', pain relief being denied. Conversely, in 'good' VB experiences it tends to be that labour has been fairly straight forward.
I have witnessed labour and birth before my own so knew what to expect. My expectations were not unrealistic and I have witnessed both good and bad labours.
After my birth I found out that my second stage was 3 hour 58 minutes. The infant and maternal mortality rates of second stages longer than 4 hours goes up by more than 25%.
In addition to this I had PPH and lost 1.5 litres of blood and needed manual removal of my placenta, so ended up in theatre with a spinal block anyway.
The result of my labour was that I forgot I was having a baby, which sounds utterly ridiculous, but the pain was so all encompassing that by the end it was all I could see, hear or feel. Everything was black and I couldn't hear properly. When DS was finally delivered I was in shock, couldn't hold him (despite them placing him on me). When they took me to theatre a lovely theatre nurse tried to engage me in conversation about DS but I couldn't recall him being born. I was in theatre for around an hour and I was so pleased the pain had stopped I fell asleep. When I went in to recovery it took me while to remember DS had been born and I didn't want to see him or hold him. I was eventually persuaded to feed him. In recovery I was denied tea and toast as I'd be going up to ward soon (this was 1am, I'd last eaten 30 hours earlier and wouldn't be able to eat again until breakfast, and that was only if a nurse brought it to me as I was catheterised). Thankfully, the lovely theatre nurse went and made me tea and toast. I was so grateful.
When I went up to post natal the staff were lovely, but not one of them noted that I wasn't in any pain despite looking like I'd been kicked by a horse (her words not mine) or that that may be strange (when I say not in pain, I mean couldn't feel a thing when they checked my stitches or removed the catheter) or told me it wasn't normal that I was now incontinent (I've since had it confirmed that it is NOT normal).
My experience was very bad, thankfully DS is ok and I am alivethough there were times after that I contemplated suicide and made plans to leave DH and DS. Not all labours are this bad. There were many, many points where a different course could have been taken and a better outcome had for me. Thankfully I'm with a different hospital trust now who seem much more willing to listen and have condemned the actions of the other hospital, which gives me some faith. I do still wonder if I've made the right choice continuing with this pregnancy, and that isn't nice.