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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Want to know the sex Vs Dont want to know the sex

62 replies

RGPargy · 12/06/2007 12:47

Bit of a dilema here.

This is my second pg and i really want to know the sex of the baby so that, if it's a girl, i can "prepare" myself for having a girl (i have a DS).

My DP however (this is his first child) doesn't want to know the sex of the baby because he wants it to be a surprise, although he knows exactly what i mean about preparing for a girl (he's got ideas of taking a little DS to footie, out fishing etc etc).

He said that he "did" have his heart set on not knowing the sex and now i feel a bit rotten about wanting to know. We agreed that we would get the sonographer to write it down and give it to me, but then DP said that if he knew i knew the sex, he would badger me til i spilled the beanz to him.

Shall i just not find out or find out and refuse to tell him with the possibility of it slipping out anyway?

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efmc · 12/06/2007 18:13

it's a tough one!!

i'm on my first baby, and it's early days, but i want to know asap!!! i've not even asked my hubbie if he'd want to know... eeep!

TheBlonde · 12/06/2007 18:17

We found out with the first but the second was a surprise
I think surprise is nicer but it does mean no preparation and it took us 4 weeks to name the 2nd child

sabinar · 12/06/2007 22:52

I always thought I'd be a 'keep it a surprise' girl too... and now that I find myself pg with my first I've suddenly found that I definitely want to find out! Weird.

Fortunately hubby was easily talked around to my way of thinking

tess01 · 13/06/2007 10:02

with my second i wanted to find out the sex of babe for practical reasons, once i found out i regreted finding out (even though i thought it was lovely to have ds to go with my dd), i wont be finding out this time.

Original poster

RGPargy · 13/06/2007 10:08

Why did you regret finding out Tess?

DP is now coming round to my way of thinking.... mowahahahaha!!! He said today "I probably will want to find out, tbh. I'll think about it".

Not a definite "yes", but nearly.

OP posts:

LieselVentouse · 13/06/2007 10:42

I found out accidentally with my first but was really glad I did as I had eclampsia and never saw her for four days. This time I wanted to find out and they were reluctant to tell me and I insisted after what happened the last time.

Rochwen · 13/06/2007 14:25

I really wanted to know the sex. I liked knowing a bit about my baby before she was born. I chatted to her knowing she was a girl and I really felt it helped bonding.

Rochwen · 13/06/2007 14:26

Now in my part of the country, they won't tell you unless you go for a private scan which I think is a disgrace. Doctors should not withhold information from a patient. If you don't want to be told fine but refusing to tell you is unethical IMHO.

wheniamqueen · 13/06/2007 14:36

i had thought i wasnt going to find out but on the day while looking at the scan i just said 'can you tell what it is?' i didnt even hear myself say it at first, i was just far too excited. I think im still going to get a big surprise when i see what he actually looks like etc so im not too disapointed i asked, plus it has meant buying baby things is a bit easier...I can now definatly avoid pink! Comet o think of it I'm not sure i even gave my dp a chance, i just rang him and told him straight away....hope he did want to know!

Eleusis · 13/06/2007 14:52

I think if you care which sex it is then you should find out ahead of time. If you don't, and it's not what you want, then it could spoil the day. And then you'll feel for not being excited when you met your baby.

I personally would never even consider not finding out. I would like it to tell me on the pregnancy test. Right next to the + sign there should be a boy or girl window.

tess01 · 13/06/2007 15:55

hi i regretted finding out because it took the suprise away, the daft thing is that i was hoping for a boy so i would have one of each

bookwormmum · 13/06/2007 16:10

Some health trusts won't tell you in case you want a termination if you're expecting a girl. Nothing to stop you getting a private scan and finding out from there though .

Eleusis · 13/06/2007 18:10

Most trusts can be persuaded if you are a pesk American and not afraid to demand what you want.

Though I do think it's rather horrific to terminate a baby because of its gender. But, can you still do that at 20 weeks, which is when most people find out (if they find out).

chipmonkey · 13/06/2007 18:28

I have 3 ds and am ttc. If I do succeed I will be finding out because I do want a dd and this will be the last baby so I will want time to come to terms with never having a dd if that is going to be the case. Would think it would be unfair on ds4 if I were disappointed at his birth.

jabuti · 13/06/2007 20:04

bookwormmum, that surely only applies for indians and chineses???? i never heard of people living in england that terminates pregnancy if its a girl???

bookwormmum · 13/06/2007 22:36

I suppose to some people, gender is a good a reason as any to terminate a pg..... . I imagine so as not to be discrimatory that everyone living in that area wouldn't be told as you can't have one rule for Asians/Asiatics and another for everyone else.

funnypeculiar · 13/06/2007 22:47

Haven't read thread .. I wanted to find out with our second - dh didn't. I decided to go with him on this one as he felt finding out the sex was 'his' bit of giving birth (which fopr some reason, I really liked!)
Am glad I didn't find out - dd was a nice surprise as I was conviced she was another ds!

pobletsmum · 14/06/2007 09:09

I didn't find out with DS but am considering it this time. My only hesistation is that mistakes are made. I know 2 people in rl who have been told the sex, bought pink/blue clothes, chosen names, painted the nursery appropriate colours, 'bonded' with the baby as a boy/girl then had the shock of a lifetime. I think I'd find that really hard to deal with, so maybe I'm better not to know. I guess that the possibility of mistakes occurring is another reason that certain trusts won't let you find out sex of baby.

jabuti · 14/06/2007 09:17

bookwormmum, i just never read anything about people terminating babies in england due to the gender. it wouldnt happen to indians or chinese living in england, it only happens back in their own country due to the society arrangements over there...

probletsmum, there is good info on the web about what to look for when trying to find out the gender. our approach was talking to the sonographer as it revealed it was a girl, like asking and pointing to the bits, checking again... instead of just letting them say 'its a girl', end of the case. just an idea.

debbie102 · 14/06/2007 09:36

hi i found out with all mine they were righ each time, it is better i think cause i was calling my son josh from the day we found out, i felt like i knew him before he was born 1 year ago i takled to him in my tummy it mite sound stupid but i felt bonned as soon as i knew my older kids felt it as well , they are 17 and 18 years old so this one was a complete shock thought i was in the change of life,but hes well loved n cared for spoilt in fact but its nice to know i think they are right most of the time good luck
debbie

Jackaroo · 14/06/2007 10:54

My DH wanted to know, I didn't. When I was "just" pg., my best friend had her baby. We already knew it was going to be a boy, and what his name was...
The phone rang at 10pm one night, it was her DH telling us that Jane had had Bob, and that they were both fine.
I told DH and went off to the loo (3rd time in as many hours lol!).. when I came back he said, you're right, I don't want to know. That was such a massive anticlimax!!
In the end we found out a week before DS arrived because I had lots of end stage scans with pre-clampsia. Thing is we had thought it was a boy all the way along, so we weren't that surprised.. but it was lovely to have the secret to ourselves for a week!
None of that helps at all does it! I think as this is his first child, I'd let him have it his way tbh....

Mamamoor · 14/06/2007 11:44

Neither of us really wanted to know with dd1 but 2nd time round we agreed that we would ask and if they couldn't see what it was, fair enough. ~When the picture came up there was no doubt that we were having dd2.

foxcub · 14/06/2007 14:05

We wanted to knwo with all three and did find out.

TBH I think if you know, and he doesn't, it would be very difficult not to let it slip out by accident!

You may find yourself unintentionally referring to "he" or "she" by mistake!

sparklygothkat · 14/06/2007 14:08

when I had my scan with dd2, I knew what she was, as the scanner lady held the scanner over her bits a bit too long and I saw.

Princesspowersparkle · 14/06/2007 14:11

Before I got PG I was adament I did not want to know until the baby was born what sex it was. As soon as I got PG I REALLY had to know! Unfortunately DH didn't want to know and he won as we would have had to get a private scan. Now am 35 weeks and will find out in a few weeks. I'm glad we didn't find out earlier as I want my DH to tell me the sex and not the MWs.
Can't wait to find out!

XXX

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