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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Wanting a baby

28 replies

JACA81 · 25/09/2018 08:48

Hi everyone, just wanting a bit of advise me and my partner have been together a long time he has 2 children of his own to 2 different women, but says he's not ready to have another child as we're not financially ready and don't have anything for a baby, he wasn't financially ready for the other 2 he has. He was thrown into it as both mum's said they were keeping them. I've had my coil which he knows about and I don't want to do that's to him like the other 2 did I want it to our choice to have a baby not ' im pregnant and keeping it you don't have a say ' and i wouldn't want to Have a abortion any advise would be nice thanks

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 25/09/2018 08:50

Are you pregnant now? I’m a bit confused.

Original poster
JACA81 · 25/09/2018 08:52

No but I'm not on anything so there's a chance i could get caught at any time

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 25/09/2018 08:53

Aren’t you taking orher precautions?

anotherangel2 · 25/09/2018 08:53

Your partner is already a father and he has responsibilities to his existing children. It sounds like you are being sensible. How old are you? How long have you been together? I focus on what you need to do to make yourself financially stable - retaining, looking for a better paid job and paying off any debt, saving for a mortgage deposit and general savings.

PurpleDaisies · 25/09/2018 08:53

Sorry, why aren’t you taking other precautions? Have you two decided to try for a baby?

anotherangel2 · 25/09/2018 08:54

You don’t get caught pregnant. You and your partner chose to have unprotected sex which is trying for a child.

BlueBug45 · 25/09/2018 08:55

Do you have a coil inat the moment? Your post isn't clear. If you don't then make sure he is aware and you use condoms every single time

Original poster
JACA81 · 25/09/2018 09:00

We have discussed having a child many time but he keeps changing his mind I told i was going to the doctors to have it out and soon as I did he was unsure about it, hes always saying he want to have child he can be a proper dad too, I'm 23 n and 4 and half years

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 25/09/2018 09:03

To be totally honest, it doesn’t sound like you’re in the right place to be parents together yet. If you’re not financially stable and he keeps changing his mind that doesn’t sound like a sensible situation for a baby. You’re 23 so there’s plenty of time.

Original poster
JACA81 · 25/09/2018 09:10

We both work full time, we have a few debts like everybody has but there easily able, the 2 other mums wernt financially ready and have never worked a day in their life's and rely on my partners mum each month, I'm going to have talk with him tonight about it and if need be I will go back on contraception. Thanks you for all your advise

OP posts:
anotherangel2 · 25/09/2018 09:21

Not everyone has debts. You say the mothers of his other children rely on his mum every months - does he not financially support his children!

PurpleDaisies · 25/09/2018 09:24

the 2 other mums wernt financially ready and have never worked a day in their life's and rely on my partners mum each month. Maybe that’s why he wants to wait!

Original poster
JACA81 · 25/09/2018 09:29

Sorry my partners money not mum

OP posts:
Original poster
JACA81 · 25/09/2018 09:29

He pays for them every month or week depending on hoe he gets paid

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 25/09/2018 09:32

So he’s already fully supporting four children with debts. That’s s financial stretch for most people.

PurpleDaisies · 25/09/2018 09:34

Sorry, two children not four.

Celebelly · 25/09/2018 09:43

Is he much older than you?

Honestly, two children with two different women if he's only in his early 20s is a bit worrying, and now the prospect of a third. I know you've said you've been together a long time - how long exactly if he has two young children to different mothers already?

He can be a 'proper dad' to the children he's got. Is he involved in their lives other than the money?

I'd go back on contraception and make sure I had control of that until you are both ready. There's no rush time-wise as you are young.

TinyMarie · 25/09/2018 09:44

It can be really tricky when previous children are involved. I am pregnant now and my partner has a daughter who is almost 10 and it will definitely influence my decision on whether or not we have any more. I always imagined having 2 but because we will be financially supporting 2 already, I don't think it will happen. It's tough on you if you really feel it is something that you want but it's not something you should have to talk someone into. It sounds like you both need to sit down and really discuss things and make sure it's definitely a future possibility even if he's not quite ready now. You have to make sure you both want the same things.

DowntonCrabby · 25/09/2018 09:47

My advice would be to get onto proper full proof contraception ASAP.
Then over the next couple of years work together to pay off your debts, get some savings behind you and seriously consider getting married before having a baby. That will give you the best possible chance of a secure future together and a good environement to bring a child up in. You do sound sensible so I’m sure you appreciate getting “caught” while in debt without your partner’s 100% support is likely to lead you down the same path as the Mother’s of his other children.

DowntonCrabby · 25/09/2018 09:48

*environment Angry

Familyfeud22 · 25/09/2018 09:52

How old are his children? You really need to be using some other protection

Original poster
JACA81 · 25/09/2018 11:05

Hes 5 years older that me, he had his other children when he was younger we've been together 4 and half years, its very complicated with the other 2 children and every long story

OP posts:
Meganc559 · 25/09/2018 11:48

I don't think anyone fully feels financially ready, people are having baby's a lot older now cause they feel that of they have a good career and a nice house then thats the right time.
I personally don't think there is a right time! Me and my partner were college students just this year and didn't have jobs and lived in a one bed room flat when we got pregnant, I m 21 and due in 3 weeks.
Partner got a job and started working full time and that has got us all the money we need, the really expense is having to buy everything at the start, luckily I had younger sisters and my mum still had everything but you can get things 2nd hand cheap.
I hear your body bounces back way quicker being younger too.
But anyway you and your partner should have a serious conversation on what you guys want, it's defo doable but you need to both want the same things! Good luck on whatever you decide :) x

Fraula · 25/09/2018 11:57

It's not a good idea to be having unprotected sex before really thinking this through. Why did you get the coil removed?

BlueBug45 · 25/09/2018 12:07

5 years older than you isn't old. I don't know why you are in a rush.

As your partner has a history of leaving his children's mothers I suggest you wait a couple of years to see how your relationship goes. Then if you are still together have a serious discussion with him about having children.

(Oh and the body bouncing back thing is really down to genes and lifestyle. )