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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

He doesn’t want this baby 😩

48 replies

mummyagainto4 · 13/09/2018 23:51

Help!!!

So I’m currently 7 wks pregnant with baby number 5 and the situation is all very messy. I started seeing a man who was 6 mths out of a 20 yr marriage,I was wary as it wasn’t his choice to end the marriage his wife just said she stopped loving him,by the time I met him she was seeing somebody so I thought oh ok this is ok,things were amazing as always at the beginning and I couldn’t have been happier,2 mths in however things started to change,he got more distant so I asked him about it and he said his wife wanted him back,she was fine until she’s seen him happy and bang that was it! I was devastated because at this point I was so attached,he wasn’t sure what he wanted and so we finished,I found it really hard to walk away and so kept going back to him each week......there’s so much more but iv gone on enough! So in July I found out I was pregnant,he was absolutely gutted and iv never seen a man in such a state,so much so I had an abortion,I started my pill and then when my period was due it didn’t come come,I took a test and bang,pregnant again,yet again he’s been a mess and begged me to have another abortion,thing is this time I cant do it,I want this baby so much. He wasn’t back to being a mess and I soon found out he and his wife were taking things slow in getting back together,I was gutted,so much so I did a really stupid thing I set his wife a msg on fb to tell her I was pregnant again and this time I’m not getting rid. She didn’t know I was still on the scene so obviously she was fuming with him especially after get me pregnant a 2nd time arghhhhh anyway obviously he was fuming I sent that and I do feel bad but at the time I just wanted someone to feel the same hurt,they have 2 children together and he didn’t want anymore,since he’s found out I sent the msg he’s blocked locked me on everything and says he doesn’t want any part in this baby’s life and I’m doing it on my own,I love him so much and I don’t want him to walk away but ultimately theres nothing I can do about it 😩 he said if I wasn’t such a bitch then maybe he would have played a part but he won’t now,he said he doesn’t know how he will feel once baby is born and I’d love him to be at the birth but I can’t see it happening,I also don’t want my baby to grow up without a daddy......will he come round in time.....i honestly don’t think he will and I’m so scared to do this alone xxx

OP posts:
lolacola13 · 14/09/2018 00:10

Oh hun I didn't want to read and run. U poor thing. This situation isn't ideal , but sometimes it takes to take a step back and think if YOU really want this baby then that's just gonna be the way things are at the min. At the moment he is probably scared of losing his wife again and is abiding by her rules etc by cutting u off but I'm sure she is just hurting .dont worry about is he going to see the child etc etc at the moment . You need to take things day by day moment by moment all that matters RIGHT NOW is you and the baby . Take your folic acid , get your ducks in a row so to speak re saving money for baby , and get some support from any family/ friends etc your going to need someone to lean on. It's time to turn into a warrior mama . Big hugs xoxox

Russell19 · 14/09/2018 07:24

The bond between mother and child is unbreakable and you are all that baby needs. You will be amazing trust me!

Do not feel bad about sending that message, she would have found out anyway. He has been trying to keep you a secret and you are worth so much more than that.

Go and find another man in your own time who respects you. I know that's hard because you think you love this man.... but you'll look back and realise how badly he treated you.

You can do this!

Stephisaur · 14/09/2018 08:37

Oh hun Flowers

Ok, so first of all... what happens with this baby doesn't have much to do with him. You had an abortion after the first baby at his request, but he can't simply expect you to terminate again. It's not like returning something to the shops, it's a medical procedure. You haven't mentioned whether her has taken any responsibility for either pregnancy either? It takes 2 people to make a baby, the responsibility of preventing that does not lie solely with you

Original poster
mummyagainto4 · 14/09/2018 09:44

Thanks for your lovely comments 😞 I went back on the pill after the first abortion but clearly it wasn’t in my system properly as I literally caught straight away 😩 I just can’t and don’t want to do it again,he hasn’t gone back with his wife he said they were taking things slowly for the kids sake but he never mentioned this until she found out about the baby,I went to see him lastnight,he’s a professional man with a good job and 42 and I said to him I could understand if your were just some scumbag off the street but because of who you are and life you’ve had I didn’t expect this,his reply was ‘no your the scumbag off the street’ 😩 he made me cry so much,he says such hurtful things,I’m not going to see him anymore because he just makes me feel so bad,he said his life will now be forever ‘shit’ he’s told me it’s going to kill him because it will just eat away at him,he really does make me feel terrible xxx

OP posts:
enbh · 14/09/2018 09:49

He sounds like a prize shit who doesn't give one fuck how you feel. However, that could change in time and maybe just down to shock. If you want to keep your baby then do so, it's your baby, and nobody can force you do do anything you don't want to do.

However just be mindful you might be in this by yourself. As long as you are prepared for that situation then the decision is yours. There is no harm in hoping for the best, as long as you are prepared for the worst. Good luck OP, I hope he comes to his senses and starts to act responsibly xx

enbh · 14/09/2018 09:51

Oh and for what it's worth I actually hope the guilt of being a twat does eat away at him!

brokenharbour · 14/09/2018 10:11

Did you send the message in the hope his wife would chuck him out and he'd come back to you? Think you got off lightly, he doesn't sound like someone you want in your baby's life. Or yours. I think you have to bank on doing this alone unfortunately. Once your mind clicks in to what an absolute twat he is you'll think you had a lucky escape I'm sure, he sounds absolutely horrendous. Good luck with the baby. And check the pill packet instructions!

Original poster
mummyagainto4 · 14/09/2018 10:27

Brokenharbour no not at all,I don’t want to be his 2nd best! I sent the msg because he’s been living a double life and she had a right to know 😞

OP posts:
brokenharbour · 14/09/2018 11:18

I think it's because you said in your original op you love him so much and don't want him to walk away. I think you're totally right that you don't want to be second best. To be fair to his wife she may be angry but is also probably devastated to find out he was sleeping with you when reconciling with her. If it's just about him being in the baby's life I think the only thing that may work is time, it will probably depend on whether his wife will 'let' him even though this obviously shouldn't be the case. I would hope in that situation they would both put the child's welfare first but somehow I doubt it from what you've said.

PatriciaHolm · 14/09/2018 11:36

Of course he's gone back to her. You were a rebound fling - she's the one he wants.

You need to proceed on the assumption you will be doing this completely alone. He will need to pay maintenance, but he isn't going to be part of your or the baby's life.

Original poster
mummyagainto4 · 14/09/2018 12:53

Patriciaholm he hasn’t gone back to her and as he said he wasn’t actually with her when I was sleeping with him or when I got pregnant they were just talking things through I think it’s wrong to say he won’t have anything to do with the baby,he thinks the world of his 2 girls,he comes from a very good well brought up background and it’s just not the norm to walk away,he says he feels terrible for this baby and what it’s being born into and he looks absolutely dreadful,I know he’s struggling real bad with it all so I’m just leaving him alone now and giving him some space to think

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyagainto4 · 14/09/2018 12:57

Brokenharbour,I do love him so much iv never felt like this for anyone but I also want him to be happy with whoever he’s with,his wife has told him if it was anyone else he got pregnant things might be different but because it’s happened before and obviously now again she doesn’t want to be apart of that,I can’t keep worrying about all that though because I suffer from mega bad anxiety and it’s just making it 10x worse especially when I talk to him xx I don’t want him to pay maintenance as someone said because he doesn’t want this baby I thinks it’s unfair to make him pay for it xxx

OP posts:
TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 14/09/2018 13:01

You got pregnant twice to somebody you had known a matter of weeks and still imagine yourself madly in love with him even after he predictably went back to his wife?
Did you send the message to get back at him and hurt her?
Can you afford to have a baby alone? What about your other 4 children?

Cuttingthegrass · 14/09/2018 13:02

Well if he’s blocked you, you have no choice but to leave him alone. He should have used protection. He will be liable to pay for his child.

Horrible situation but ultimately he told you he was seeing his wife and this should have rung alarm bells with you. Shame he felt the need to be so rude to you. That wasn’t necessary and must hurt

greendale17 · 14/09/2018 13:05

Can you afford to have a 5th child as a single mother? How will it impact on your other children?

Rebecca36 · 14/09/2018 13:21

I doubt you really want a fifth baby, especially with someone so obviously unreliable. It also wouldn't be fair to your children.

Have a clean break and for goodness sake use a reliable form of contraception, or better still be sterilised, if you start a relationship with someone else.

Singlenotsingle · 14/09/2018 13:32

They're a horrendous pair and they deserve each other! She decided she didn't want him. Shewas seeing someone else as well, he slept with you and made you pregnant not once but twice! You were quite right to tell her about the baby! She'll know anyway when your claim for CM lands on their doorstep. Angry

minmooch · 14/09/2018 13:44

And you want to be with someone who says you are scum? Why?

If you want this baby then have it but expect no help from him.

If you can't afford it then then you may have to consider your options.

You sent the message out of spite because he left you not because you thought his wife should know. Be honest with yourself.

You barely know this man. 2 months in and your relationship was already in trouble. This relationship is not going to work on any level.

Pull up your big girl pants. Make a decision that is best for you and your existing children. Do not factor him in to your plans.

Original poster
mummyagainto4 · 14/09/2018 15:26

Minmooch I’m not being funny but you know nothing! Financially I’m fine thankyou,I can absolutely afford a fith baby that’s not the issue,he didn’t leave me,we was already over in a fashion anyway and I 100% knew there was no future there!

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyagainto4 · 14/09/2018 15:27

I hadn’t known him a matter of wks it’s been 6mths,he didn’t tell me he was seeing his wife because he wasn’t and he’s not!!!

OP posts:
minmooch · 14/09/2018 16:55

I stand by what you said - 2 months in to your relationship it was so bad you ended it. You saw him weekly after that? How can you possibly know him?

And still why would you want to be with someone who calls you a scumbag?

You said he says hurtful things and makes you cry? Again why would you want that?

Fine, you think you love him (goodness knows why). If you want this baby and can afford to have it without him then go ahead.

You asked if he will come round? Then no I don't think he will. He is trying to make it up with his wife of 20 years. He has told you he doesn't want another child. His life will be shit if you have it (his/your words).

LucyLou19 · 14/09/2018 17:28

Do you really want a 5th baby with someone like that?? What about the impact on your other children? I would really think hard about this pregnancy I would have a termination and get him out of your life for good. He will NOT come back to you if that’s what your thinking.

Original poster
mummyagainto4 · 14/09/2018 17:56

Minmooch it wasn’t so bad it ended,why are people putting their own bits in 😩 hindsight is a good thing,but it wasn’t as clean cut as that,yes there was bad bits but there was really good parts too,we went away for wkends and we spent lots of time together not just literally once a wk 😩

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyagainto4 · 14/09/2018 18:00

Lucylou19 he’s not a bad oerson really he’s just really messed up and was before I met him but obviously their very good at hiding that,no I’m not for one minute thinking he will‘come back to me’ Like I said before I’m not anybody’s 2nd best,my children will be fine,my youngest is 8 and the rest are 11,15 & 19 so their not little ones anymore I’m not going to have a termination,iv thought long and hard and I’m 36 now and this is probably my lastime il ever have anymore children,il love this baby no matter what

OP posts:
TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 14/09/2018 18:00

Its six months now, but it was weeks when you got pregnant. And then you went and did it again straight away! Why?

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