He doesn’t want this baby 😩

[mummyagainto4]

Help!!!

So I’m currently 7 wks pregnant with baby number 5 and the situation is all very messy. I started seeing a man who was 6 mths out of a 20 yr marriage,I was wary as it wasn’t his choice to end the marriage his wife just said she stopped loving him,by the time I met him she was seeing somebody so I thought oh ok this is ok,things were amazing as always at the beginning and I couldn’t have been happier,2 mths in however things started to change,he got more distant so I asked him about it and he said his wife wanted him back,she was fine until she’s seen him happy and bang that was it! I was devastated because at this point I was so attached,he wasn’t sure what he wanted and so we finished,I found it really hard to walk away and so kept going back to him each week......there’s so much more but iv gone on enough! So in July I found out I was pregnant,he was absolutely gutted and iv never seen a man in such a state,so much so I had an abortion,I started my pill and then when my period was due it didn’t come come,I took a test and bang,pregnant again,yet again he’s been a mess and begged me to have another abortion,thing is this time I cant do it,I want this baby so much. He wasn’t back to being a mess and I soon found out he and his wife were taking things slow in getting back together,I was gutted,so much so I did a really stupid thing I set his wife a msg on fb to tell her I was pregnant again and this time I’m not getting rid. She didn’t know I was still on the scene so obviously she was fuming with him especially after get me pregnant a 2nd time arghhhhh anyway obviously he was fuming I sent that and I do feel bad but at the time I just wanted someone to feel the same hurt,they have 2 children together and he didn’t want anymore,since he’s found out I sent the msg he’s blocked locked me on everything and says he doesn’t want any part in this baby’s life and I’m doing it on my own,I love him so much and I don’t want him to walk away but ultimately theres nothing I can do about it 😩 he said if I wasn’t such a bitch then maybe he would have played a part but he won’t now,he said he doesn’t know how he will feel once baby is born and I’d love him to be at the birth but I can’t see it happening,I also don’t want my baby to grow up without a daddy......will he come round in time.....i honestly don’t think he will and I’m so scared to do this alone xxx

I'm not adding my bits. Your words were that it finished after two months.

Did he meet your children? Did you meet his? If the answer to either of those is no then you didn't know him.

I may sound harsh but I'm just pointing out the reality of where you stand with him.

You can have the baby and have a wonderful life.

Just don't expect anything from him. I wouldn't want a child of mine to have anything to do with the man that fathered them if he was like the man you are describing.

And you have 4 other children you are responsible for.

Hindsight is a fabulous thing. But you have time to make sensible decisions based on reality not fantasies of him suddenly becoming a doting father to a child he does not want.

It wasn’t wks when I knew him....it was the beginning of July that I caught pregnant,then I went straight back on the pill and I thought after 2 weeks of being on that I would be covered but my insides were clearly still all over the place it wasn’t planned to happen again 🙈

Minimooch yes we met each other’s children,he cane and stayed at mine and stuff,I’m not expecting anything from him,iv already told him I don’t even want maintenance from him,I just want his baby to know who his:her daddy is,he is a decent person deep down who wasn’t even sure whether he wanted to go back to the wife,after all she ended it and didn’t care at the time when he was a mess and she was in bed with another man and then as soon as she sees him happy she wants him back,the alarm bells rang for him and even his friends said the same thing,it’s like she doesn’t want him but she doesn’t want anyone else to either and I was with my kids dad for 17 yrs so I do know how she feels deep down he knows they won’t work,when you’ve been split for as long as they have which is just about a yr and he spent 3 mths in the spare room before he moved out the family house and when you’ve both been with other people it very rarely works anyway

You sound like a strong woman, OP. You'll be fine. You've been messed around by a weak willed dope who's happy to get his leg over but doesn't want to accept the consequences. I'm impressed with your determination to go ahead with this, and at least your children are older and able to help out. Make sure you claim CM for the baby, and good luck.

Singlenotsingle thanks hunny x yes your right he was more than happy to get his leg over! I’m strong because it’s my only choice,my baby will have a happy life regardless of whether he’s involved or not it’s just I was so close with my dad I wanted my childe to have the same bond with theirs 😔 I don’t want to claim CM of him,I don’t want him to feel that’s all I’m after because I’m really not like that,he didn’t want another baby so I feel it’s unfair to make him pay 😢 xxx

Oh dear.
I really feel for this baby because it doesn't seem like you are able to detach yourself from the idea that he will not be able to patch things up with his wife, will come around and be a father to your baby and/or get back together with you.
Please please don't be one of those women that brings a baby into the world and uses them as a tool to try and manipulate the father . Grow up .

He may not have wanted another baby mummyagainto4 but he should have thought of that! Nature wants us to have babies, and was obviously very determined about this one

Wotsit99 who are you telling to grow up? Take your negativity off my post,have I said anywhere that I want him back?? I’m simply want him to be there for his baby,what is the crime in that!!!!!!

@singlenotsingle Haha yes I guess your right,I just don’t want to depend on him for anything or have people say the usual ‘oh you only want him for the money’ because I really don’t,I don’t need his money xxx

"I love him so much I don't want him to walk away"

@wotsit99 yes I do love him and no I’m an ideal world I don’t want him to walk away from his baby because I know deep down he wouldn’t handle that,iv not said I want to be with him,I love him and I want him to be happy whoever he’s with!

@mummyagainto4

I would think you owe it to your current children to claim maintenance from him.

You say you also want the baby to know who their father is - CMS may be the only part of this identity you can achieve if he's not interested.

I feel sorry for your kids - this is going to add huge complications to their lives. Also the children in the other family :(

Are you sure you're not continuing the pregnancy to get back at him and his wife?

Sorry if this sounds harsh but having a baby because you're 36 and may not have another is not a good reason to have a baby......😐

Well looks like you are going to have the baby regardless of the messy situation.

I can understand why he is very angry, he obviously made it very clear that he doesn't want one and thought you were on contraception. It's a massive deal and you've given him or his family absolutely no choice in the matter.

He's had to block you to stop you contacting him and his wife.

Just leave them alone. If he changes his mind about being in the babies life then so be it but otherwise accept you made this decision and the baby will not have a father in it's life.

@helpmum2003 no I’m certainly not having this baby to get back at anybody,if that was the case I wouldn’t have had the 1st abortion,it won’t impact on his children anytime soon because he’s not planning on telling them,mine are excited,I understand iv not given him a choice in whether he becomes a dad again or not but ultimately it’s not just his decision to make,if I have to do it on my own then so be it x @wotsit99 believe it or not his wife hasn’t blocked me,their not together anyway as I keep saying,he doesn’t live with her and they are not in a relationship!

@mummyagainto4
I don't think the issue here is questioning how OP feels and validity of that with regard to the length of her relationship towards the father of her child. If she says she loves him that's how she feels. Anyway OP it's a pretty rubbish situation but you seem strong minded and have 4 other lovely children, the 5th will be a great addition to you. When it settles a bit you may decide that this man actually should be paying towards your child but that is your choice. He seems to be very good at explaining how he feels but doesn't care about anyone else. No regard for how you would feel on this termination he was trying to push upon you again. I think you'll do just great with or without his input OP. There are community support networks too as well to help I believe. I am 10 weeks with my first and I have been looking in to these. Best of luck x

I wonder if maybe the first termination didn't work, OP, and this is the same baby? I suppose when you start having scans they'll be able to tell if it's big for dates.

@LittleDoveLove thankyou so much I do appreciate what you love said,he’s never cared how I feel about anything,when I had the abortion he never even asked if I was ok 😔 he does and always has thought of himself,imhe comes from a different world to me and in his world you don’t have babies with women and walk away,it’s shameful and I know he’s worried about what everyone else will think,as time has gone on he’s got a classic case of narcissistic syndrome,he has to be in control of every situation,if I don’t agree with him he gets really mad 😔 it’s literally all about him,he’s like a totally different person from the man I fell in love with yet still it doesn’t matter how badly he treats me i still love him to bits x iv got lots of friends and family and 4 very willing children so I know il be just fine,I am purely just not wanting my baby to not have a daddy,his mum walked out on him and his brothers when they were very young and I know this is bringing back memories tho not the same circumstances xx he said if the wife wasn’t around he wouldn’t be feeling the way he is because the situation wouldn’t be as messy 🤷🏼‍♀️ He’s a great dad to his girls and I know he could be just as great with this one if he chose too xx good luck with your little baby and enjoy the peace while you’ve got it 😘 xxx

@Singlenotsingle no the 1st termination definitely worked,I went for an early scan on Monday because I actually thought the same thing but it’s confirmed I was just 7 wks,iv never caught whilst being on the pill before and I assumed that 2 wks of it being in my system it would work as it does state it does but clearly it didn’t and I just can’t bring myself to terminate again,I didn’t want to lastime but he was in such a state I ended up doing it and I felt absolutely terrible for it xxx

All you can do is let him be, don't try and force anything. Sounds like you're much better off without. You have friends family and lovely children, you will be okay. I'm sure he will come around eventually to being in the babies life but dont accept any abuse from him either.

I applaud your strength. You've thought about everything, you can afford having another baby and it will be loved. I think you'll do a fab job and you don't need him or his negativity!! X

@wotsit99 that’s what Iv done,iv left him now it’s the 2nd day,I seen him Thursday,he just said he doesn’t know what he feels and everyday he feels different about it all so I’m just leaving him to think now,the more I push it the more il push him away complelty 😢 I won’t take anymore abuse,iv been through so much emotional abuse with him that I physically can’t take anymore xx

RayneDash Thankyou lovely,that’s a lovely thing to say xxx