Anyone else dreading maternity leave?

[surreygirl1987]

I feel so stupid but I'm really dreading maternity leave. I love my job and am something of a workaholic- at least, I get a lot of satisfaction out of it and my work is a big part of my identity. I hate sitting around all day even for one day at the weekend so I don't know how I'm going to cope with 10 months off! I know I should be looking forward to it but all I can see is an endless series or boring empty blank days stretching ahead and I know it will feel so isolating. DH is wonderful but works long hours including some weekends. I don't know that many people near me as moved here a few months ago.

I've joined the 'Mush' app and have done NCT and met some nice people... and I definitely intend to go to as many baby classes as I can afford as well as exercise classes (local gym has a creche). I'm also doing a part time uni course (distance leanring). But there are only so many classes and coffee meet-ups you can do and I can totally see me getting bored and lonely and hating it.

I really don't want to end up resenting the baby. Does anyone have any tips or advice? Perhaps people who have had maternity leave before with previous children.... how did you cope with it???

Many thanks. Re-reading it I sound so stupid and I've told my husband how I feel and he thinks I'm mad (he'd love not to work for 10 months and never gets bored; sadly shared leave isn't an option as he's just started a new job) but I'd really love some tips and advice so I don't go too crazy!

How far along are you?

37 weeks. I think I'm just being silly. Maybe I'm just being a bit hormonal

I don't think you're being silly at all! It's a big adjustment from working. I found it quite hard, especially as I found BF difficult, mentally.
The key for me was having a routine, getting dressed, going to groups, or even just getting out of the house and walking to the shops or the park. I liked the groups which were more like playgroups. They encouraged you to chat and interact more with other parents, whereas the more formal groups like baby yoga/swimming etc don't really allow for that! Basically I needed some adult conversation in my day, otherwise I was just waiting for my husband to get home!
You will be absolutely fine though and will find out what works for you and baby! Good luck!

I think you'll be surprised how busy a baby keeps you. I did have some days when I was bored out of my mind, but most of the time it was great. You could always go back to work earlier if you really hate it? I think you legally have to give 8 weeks notice.

It's a big adjustment, but I never have nothing to do. Baby requires almost constant attention, when they're not requiring attention they're asleep and so am I if it was a rough night. If it wasn't then I'm doing a few chores or relaxing for a little bit.

I found having a structure to my week really helped. I'm lucky that my town has lots of baby groups on, so most days I'd get out of the house and go to one. I also got an annual zoo pass so on sunny days we could potter round the local zoo and get fresh air and sunshine.

You'll find you have less time for 'You' as well. So in the mornings I'd get up and play with dd till she had her morning nap (around 9ish) when I could jump in the shower. Then we'd go off to a group, come home have lunch, another nap (my tidying/cleaning/laundry time) , then I'd meet up with friends or go to the supermarket and when I got home dinner/playing with dd till dh got home by which time I'd be knackered, then dd doze off whilst dh and I chilled, then a night filled with waking for feeds, then another day.

Why can't you go back to work earlier than 10 months?

Honestly the first 6-12 weeks I was too tired and busy to be bored. At 4 months I did some work part time. Agree with previous posters, try and get out every day. Listen to podcasts/audiobooks. I couldn't stand baby groups, but swimming, going to museums/galleries with baby in sling meeting people for coffee was all fun.

Toddler groups are much more fun as toddler is interactive and keeps you on your toes!

I liked it so much I am not going back to my old job but starting a business instead.

I understand OP and although I love the DCs loads I did feel a bit lost on maternity leave in some ways.
With DC2 the shared parental leave law had come in so I went back to work sooner.

You could pick up some freelance work in a similar field if you want something for your work brain to do? A lot will depend on the baby and what you do though! I also did things like mystery shopping which don't pay much but we're fun and easy to do with a baby.
Just to add that wanting to do nothing apart from sleep and watch netflix is equally valid

Firstly, many congratulations on your pregnancy.
I understand where you are coming from. I have a professional job and maternity leave was the first major break I had taken in my career. I found it quite hard seeing someone else employed to cover my maternity and the business going on as before without me. It is a huge life change. Don’t underestimate the time it will take to recover from giving birth and adapting to having a newborn, broken sleep is particularly wearing. I found it quite overwhelming, the newborn stage was not particularly easy although all babies are different, as are all mums. I found getting out of the house every day even just for a walk with the pram or buggy helpful. Take each day at a time. I also went to several baby groups - rhythm and rhyme, baby massage, post natal yoga and made other mum friends. But otherwise I wouldn’t set too many goals- I didn’t really seem to have that much free time as initially with a newborn there was little routine and so many developmental jumps to contend with. Just see how things go. I enjoyed much more the time from 5 or 6 months when they are mobile and their personalities start to come out. We also had a bit more of a routine by that point. Maternity leave seemed like an eternity initially and then it just flew in. I took 8 months off and now work part time. I have a 3 year old now and really love the toddler stage even though he can be a demon! Life has changed a lot - my career has taken a bit more of a back seat but what I have gained is worth much more. Work will always be there and I think I now have a better work life balance.

This is why I went back to work after 4 months and will be doing the same this time. I met amazing friends through NCT, did all the baby groups, swimming, cinema etc. But I find babies pretty dull and get little enjoyment out of caring for one. We’re also financially better off with me at work so it was a no brainer. Now DS is 2.5 I’d love to have 10 months off to hang out with him!

I’d say keep an open mind, try to meet like minded people (I couldn’t stand the mums at baby group who only wanted to talk about their baby and how much they slept/ate/shit) and remember that the baby doesn’t really care what you do so long as their basic needs are met, so if you want to go to art galleries, museums, whatever interests you, then don’t feel obliged to spend your days doing baby massage!

I kind of feel the same. I’m dreading not being at work and (to be quite honest) I think being home with the baby all day sounds boring.

I’m going back to work after 6 months. I have no intention of being on reduced pay for too long!

@Stephisaur I thought it sounded boring too and was going to go back at 3 months. Then dc1 suddenly became very interesting, he could sit, roll, crawl, I could take him to painting classes and watch him ecstatically roll around in paint, it was amazing and I ended up taking maximum time off. The first bit is very dull, but after they start developing a little personality it's fascinating.

Doing the same with dc2 who is about to finish the boring stage and planning on dc3 just so I can do it all again.

I didn’t know how I was going to last a year off. I love my job and my career is very important to me. However when the baby arrived I found it all consuming, physically and mentally and just focused on putting my usual work ethic in a new direction for a while. Guiding a brand new mind can be very rewarding. I still maintain I’m not a “baby person”.

In terms of keeping busy: go out and do something every day. Read. Don’t watch daytime TV. Learn to cook. Get a side project (we built an extension so I funnelled some of my “work mode self” into project managing the build).

I went back to work after a year and it felt like I’d never left. I’m due with my second later this year and although it’ll be even more challenging to be off work now I’m further up in the organisation I’m hugely looking forward to it. The other thing I think about which helps is that I’ve got another 35 years after this to work, a year away is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Once baby's here you may feel differently and you won't be sitting around.

I went back 1 day per week after just 6weeks and used my KIT days for 10 weeks. That 1 day in work saved my sanity!

I think in the first few months you are just trying to get by on no sleep, so you won't feel bored as such, but you will find you might want a break. I did enjoy going back to work after my first, as working was very much a part of my identity. The novelty soon wore off though when I realised how exhausting both working and looking after children can be. I am now looking forward to maternity leave with my second as I might be able to snatch some me time here and there, which I don't get now and definitely won't get with two children and a full time job.

I'm going to give myself a creative project to do when the baby is asleep this time around, although my me time will probably just get filled with cleaning and laundry!

I found it hard, work is such a big part of my identity. I found not having that role difficult, I was just mum. I think it contributed to my PND.

I hated being stuck at home with my first. It was a whole year before o went back to uni and it's true, there's only so many baby groups and play dates you can tolerate.

Just find a routine that keeps you busy that you enjoy.

Just want to say thanks SO much for all the replies. I'm truly grateful. I've just come home from work and seeing all this advice has really really helped. Re. The comments about going back to work early - my maternity pay is generous so taking into account childcare I'd actually lose money by going to work - I'm financially better off on my mat pay than at work with childcare fees. If I get to the point where I just can't do maternity leave any more I could just go back but essentially that would mean me paying to go to work! I know that's a lovely situation to be in but I guess it's partly why I feel chained to maternity leave for 10 months.

However I feel more optimistic now. It's a relief to hear that I'm not the only one to feel this way. There must be others in my local area with babies the same age as mine who are in the same boat - and I'm going to definitely follow the advice of getting into a routine as soon as possible (probably easier said than done but I'll f8ve it a good go!!).

Thanks again everyone :)

I felt very much the same as you OP before I went on maternity leave - I love my job and really enjoyed going to work so I found maternity leave very difficult in the first few weeks after having my baby. I felt a bit out at sea and like my days were all over the place, made worse I think by the fact my DD came 3 weeks early and I never really got to finish work properly as I had planned. I found the process of work hiring my maternity cover very strange too. I knew I was being ridiculous because the cover person wasn't taking my job, but to me it still felt like she was!

My DD is 9 weeks old now and I agree with the other posters who suggest implementing a routine for yourself. I find I feel a lot happier if I get up and ready by a certain time instead of spending the day in my pyjamas watching TV while the baby sleeps. I try to get out the house each day, even if it's just for a walk. Take advantage of KiT days with your employer - it'll help you feel a little less disconnected. See if there's a hobby you could develop in your time off that could fit around your LO while they're still relatively new - for me it's been making jams and chutneys ready for Christmas. I know that might sound a bit insane but I've found it a lovely way to relax and it's possible to fit in around my LO at the moment when she's sleeping in the daytime.

Hi all, hoping I can join in the thread.

I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant and due in May 2019. I haven't told my employer yet, but after having a review with my manager yesterday (who just came back from maternity leave), she wants to put me forward for promotion which is great. However, this won't kick in til January at least. I was hoping not to tell her til then so I can get my promotion as I love my job, but physically and legally, I'll have to tell her sooner which may mean that it's put back.

DH and I didn't expect to fall pregnant as soon as we did, we were very lucky it happened so quickly so I wasn't even considering all this so soon. I'm not ready to go on maternity leave and spend a year at home with a baby. I love my job, and now with the possibility of a promotion, I'm really dreading going on mat leave, quite literally at the worst time! I would like to return to work after six months, for example, Jan 2020, but I sound like I'm being selfish. I just don't want to be forgotten about at work and I want to get on with working at a more senior level. Arghhh, first world problems, eh?!

I loved my maternity leave and had a busy, productive year. I even wrote much of a book and did a lot of personal development- it was great! I’m also a career professional. Being a mum has made me more successful and effective/ efficient at work - I had a big career boost because I prioritise things differently, have a rep for getting things done efficiently and focus where I get most impact. I no longer sweat the small stuff. My change of attitude is linked to becoming a mum and doing lots of self development while on maternity leave.

What worked for me was having a paper diary which I had in the top of the pram. I kept a rolling to do list (all the stuff you never normally get round to while working) and put coffee/ lunch/ ‘play’ dates in my diary. I scheduled fun stuff for the weekend and holidays so I had things to look forward to. I’ve never been so socially busy it was great.

The reason I could do this was I got my daughter used to napping in her pram very early on and I did not have a routine. I’d spend hours out of the house each day (not in the first few weeks) and was quite adventurous about trying stuff out with my baby. I was surprised just how much stuff I managed to do with her. I did plenty of adult things with baby - wine tasting (with baby in sling - I didn’t get drunk) parent & baby cinema, museums, botanical gardens, national trust, SlimmingWorld, the library (don’t think I purchased a book all year- they’ll even order stuff for you on request), visited London for day trips (was scary but absolutely fine). I also did baby classes.

I didn’t worry if my baby cried as that’s what they do and I breastfed using a bf apron. I think some women feel the need to hide when bf or crying- but I think it helps to get out and about. My pre school daughter is now socially confident and doesn’t get upset in new situations - which could be partly influenced by the busy schedule we had during her first year, with lots of different people holding/ speaking to her. I had a few weeks of watching daytime tv and just got bored and a bit down - so I tried not to get into that habit again.

I’d often while away time in shops and the supermarket- taking a different route on foot and enjoying nature. Even in the rain, as long as you’re prepared, being out walking is pleasant.

I joined a gym, used the outdoor heated pool while baby slept in buggy, keeping an eye on her obviously. I could do this because it was very quiet in the daytime during the week.

The best bit though was I got a whole year to bond with my baby. Yes I was ready to go back to work, but I do have fond memories of that special time together.

I’m not sure what it’s like with one because I have twins, but I was certainly never bored - never had time to be! Exhausted, overwhelmed, etc sure, but not bored. If you’re able to get out to lots of groups that will help. The closest friends I have now are friends I’ve made through groups and the local twin club.

Enjoy it. I wish i had taken some maternity leave. I run my own business and took my now 2yo to work daily and ebf. Trust me i was burnt out after a few months.

It’s there because you will need it and there is so much to fill your time (not necessarily mentally stimulating tasks) when you have a new baby and are sleep deprived!

Seems like you’re imagining your life as it is now just with no work. That’s not how it will be. Most importantly you’ll likely be very sleep deprived and exhausted so working would be extremely difficult (anyone who manages to work with a small baby is a superhero in my opinion, I’m only just started to get some of my brain back and my boys are 2). You can’t imagine your life with a baby right now which is totally normal!