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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Fatshamed by Midwife

41 replies

thejustine · 09/09/2018 20:45

Has anyone else experienced this?

I'm 7weeks+4 with my first pregnancy and have had my first booking in appt with midwife. I was one whole kilogram (shocking) over the BMI threshold into 'overweight' and I absolutely could not believe how patronising my midwife was. Every single thing we discussed she brought back to my weight and I told her I couldn't keep much food down at all and her response was 'that might not be a bad thing'.
Way to calm an anxious pregnant woman down!

OP posts:

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Justbackfromnewwine · 09/09/2018 20:50

Really?

LarryFreakinStylinson · 09/09/2018 20:50

Give over? Fat shamed. Midwives can’t do anything right on here.

GertrudeCB · 09/09/2018 20:51

Cool story bro ....

shakeyourcaboose · 09/09/2018 20:54

Apparently lots due to other tales on here.

PutItAwayDear · 09/09/2018 20:56

On a Sunday??

TheGateauIsInTheChateau · 09/09/2018 20:59

Yeah some of them are horrible.

Seems pointless for them to have a go about your weight when you’re pregnant since dieting is a big no-no.

BossWitch · 09/09/2018 21:00

This reply has been deleted

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GingerCatBigBalls · 09/09/2018 21:04

Blimey, OP is getting a harsh time.

Midwives do not become not god like beings by virtue of their career choices. I'm sure some of them are right bitches.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 09/09/2018 21:05

Some hospitals have booking appointments on Sunday.

Sorry you felt upset, OP, one kg overweight shouldn't be too bad, I'm surprised she was this hard on you.

Original poster

thejustine · 09/09/2018 21:14

Haha tell me about it! Fortunately I have thick skin- maybe that's where I hold that extra kilogram ;)

I absolutely 100% admire and love midwives and think they do an amazing and important job but this one for some reason just did not have the right words or manner about her at all about this particular topic.

OP posts:

Original poster

thejustine · 09/09/2018 21:16

I don't even necessarily think she was horrible, I think maybe some just need a bit of training on sensitivity with this subject. I have a long history of eating disorders and am the happiest and healthiest weight I've ever been.

OP posts:

Original poster

thejustine · 09/09/2018 21:17

It was on Wednesday actually. I just don't spend all day on Mumsnet because I have a business to run...

OP posts:

CobaltRose · 09/09/2018 21:18

Some clinics and hospitals (including my local one) have appointments on Sundays.

Being overweight can cause complications in pregnancy, but I'm surprised she was seemingly so harsh on you when you are only a kg into the overweight range. I do think other posters are being a little harsh, midwives can be horrible and patronising just like anyone else can.

MaNeOi · 09/09/2018 21:21

Although I can understand this is upsetting, given its only 7 weeks and your over it might just me more of warning for the rest of the pregnancy because its easier to get sorted earlier on than say trying to stop at 5 months- I wouldn't' take it to personally, and just try and eat healthy food.

amymel2016 · 09/09/2018 21:23

I was 6 stone overweight when I was pregnant and my weight was dealt with very sensitively, sorry you had an over zealous midwife OP!

I find ‘fat shaming’ such an odd thing, if someone smoked and a health professional told them to stop smoking it wouldn’t be ‘smoke shaming’, same goes for alcohol so why should food be any different? When I was overweight I was just as unhealthy as any smoker or heavy drinker and I cost the NHS £££s as I needed to be under consultancy care due to my weight. They should have been harder on me! It took finding out I’ve got a fatty liver (more £££s to the NHS) for me to finally start losing weight.

EvaHarknessRose · 09/09/2018 21:30

That’s a bit odd. I was overweight and a bit miffed when they suggested i might be too large for the scanner at the local hospital, which frankly i think was probably an overestimation (I’m only little really...) but otherwise very discreet, kind but factual about it.

NicoAndTheNiners · 09/09/2018 21:31

I doubt the midwife personally cared one way or another whether your back is 22 or 42. However she has a job to do and part of that job is pointing out the risks of a raised bmi. Doesn’t matter whether you’re 1kg over the cutoff or 30kg over. If you’re over then you’re over and get the same advice. If the midwife didn’t tell you this then they’re not doing their job.

I’m sorry if you felt she didn’t do it tactfully but that’s quite subjective. Weight is an emotive topic. It’s not easy for HCPs to raise it and it’s nit easy for individuals to hear it.

LeftRightCentre · 09/09/2018 21:32

Booking appointment at 7 weeks. Sure . . .

NicoAndTheNiners · 09/09/2018 21:33

And while “dieting” isn’t recommended in pregnancy that doesn’t mean that changes can’t be made. Locally anyone with a bmi over 30 is referred to a pregnancy weight management service to try and ensure they don’t gain more than 5kg.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 09/09/2018 21:36

She may not have been the most diplomatic, but ultimately, she had to advise you to be careful about your weight, as it could lead to complications later in your pregnancy.

I remember my friend also being upset when she was advised to be careful with her weight during her first pregnancy. But, she did heed the advice and has managed to keep her weight down every since (she's got 3 children now!)

Korona · 09/09/2018 21:38

@LeftRightCentre I'm not sure why you find that so difficult to believe? I had my booking appointment with the midwife last Friday at 7+1. It does happen. I actually had my first ever appt with the midwife at 5 weeks. Where I live, the rule of thumb is the earlier they can get you seen the better.

PlinkPlink · 09/09/2018 21:38

No... nurses and midwives do not need sensitivity training.

You are overweight. Granted not by very much. And she could have been nice and said "oh... well let's make sure we try and stay out of the overweight part of the BMI. Make sure you eat correctly and look after yourself."

But, the majority of nurses I know (my mum being one of them) means you are highly unlikely to get a sympathetic response.

They work damn hard, expose themselves to all manner of diseases on a daily basis and they get shit pay for it. They dont have time to mollycoddle or not say things just in case it hurts someone's feelings.

I'd just dismiss it as typical nursey behaviour. Get on with my day, continue to be happy that you have a baby inside you and be determined to show her that you are looking after you and your baby well.

Gobletoffire · 09/09/2018 21:39

@LeftRightCentre depends on the policy of your GP surgery. My booking appointment was 6+6 weeks, so yes it does happen.

Pamdoo · 09/09/2018 21:39

Every single thing we discussed she brought back to my weight and I told her I couldn't keep much food down at all and her response was 'that might not be a bad thing'.

If it's a booking appointment most of the discussion is generic and a lot is based on weight. She might be one of those people who assumes everyone wants to lose a bit of weight whether they're skinny or not, and is trying to be funny. I really wouldn't care that much

FlotSHAMnJetson · 09/09/2018 21:39

My BMI was too low and I was referred to a consultant, it works both ways.

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