Fatshamed by Midwife

[thejustine]

Has anyone else experienced this?

I'm 7weeks+4 with my first pregnancy and have had my first booking in appt with midwife. I was one whole kilogram (shocking) over the BMI threshold into 'overweight' and I absolutely could not believe how patronising my midwife was. Every single thing we discussed she brought back to my weight and I told her I couldn't keep much food down at all and her response was 'that might not be a bad thing'.
Way to calm an anxious pregnant woman down!

No... nurses and midwives do not need sensitivity training.

They most definitely need it and they do get it. Cases like OPs are very rare, most HCPs know how to get a message across without being rude.

They work damn hard, expose themselves to all manner of diseases on a daily basis and they get shit pay for it. They dont have time to mollycoddle or not say things just in case it hurts someone's feelings.

Your mum would suggest not being able to keep food down "might not be a bad thing" to a pregnant woman simply because they are overweight?

Because that's not only tactless, it's really fucking stupid.

@LeftRightCentre Why would I lie about having an appointment :')

It's a midwife's job to advise you of the risks in pregnancy should you be overweight - by 1kg or 25kg. It's pretty black and white to be honest. I don't know a single overweight woman who hasn't had an issue during pregnancy. It's good that you're happy with your weight though. The midwife just has to advise base on numbers, to be honest.

I didn't realise this before, but apparently (or at least in my county), if you tip into the 'overweight' category based on BMI at any point in your pregnancy, you can no longer be classed as low risk.

If you don't watch what you eat while you are pregnant you will gain lots of weight. It's really hard to lose that weight after delivery. I was just over the normal range when I was 8 weeks with DD1. I wish someone had 'fatshamed' me.

3DC later I'm doing weight watchers and really struggling to lose the weight.

I had my booking appointment at 7 weeks. They couldn’t fit me in at 6 weeks otherwise I’d have been booked in for then!

Anyway OP, you’ll find that some of the people you see will be sensitive and some won’t. I had a BMI of 31 at booking, which my MW wasn’t overly concerned about. I’ve had 5 scans so far (various reasons) and only 1 single sonographer has had an issue getting an image (which was at 22 weeks, so I really do feel like that was her rather than me as my 24 week scan was clear as day!)

Anyway, my point is... take it with a pinch of salt - not all of the people you see over the next few months will feel the need to comment on your weight :)

Now I see why people told me not to comment on Mumsnet :')

I wasn't overweight when I got pregnant, bang slap in the middle of the healthy range - but in twenty weeks I've put on a stone so I probably will be now. Have I got this to look forward to at the next appointment?! And of course it makes a difference if you're 1kg or 25 kg overweight, it's far less likely you'll have any issues than someone who is hugely overweight.

@ChardonnaysPrettySister

If you can find me some evidence that says "NHS nurses are given sensitivity training" I will willingly hold my hands up and withdraw that statement...

@lgorina

No, she wouldn't... my mum isn't a midwife.

However, she still would say 'I'm sure you'll survive.

If the midwife had genuine concerns about her not being able to keep food down, she would have fucking said so. So it's not stupid... tactless perhaps. But not stupid.

Wow. Super harse comments for the OP. I have nothing but respect for midwives and nurses. I have a fantastic one at the moment but in my first pregnancy a different story. There is something called compassionate fatigue where due to long hours, high demands and pressures of the job, midwives and nurses can seem to lose their compassion. It is common and so in these cases yes sensitivity training would be beneficial.

@Fluffybat

That is true about compassionate fatigue.

However, if you're exhausted from a 12 hour shift, I can't imagine that sensitivity training is going to kick in at the end of a shift. All it would do is make the nurse aware they're not being compassionate enough, surely?

In an ideal world, matrons would recognise when their staff are shattered and need to recharge. However, with the NHS being stretched far beyond it's budget and capacity, I don't think this will happen.

@plinkplink very true and after I posted, I realised I should have added to give them a break or reduce hours.

Never understood BMI. Mine was 29 at my booking in appt. Im 5"3, was 11st 4 at the time & a size 10/12 yet was one away from being consultant led due to being overweight. I wouldn't pay much attention. I think i weigh so densely because I have a fat arse but I LOVE it!

I'm genuinely surprised if your midwife made such a fuss about you being 2lbs overweight as your bmi would surely only be 25.something?
Also a bit confused by a pp who said you can't be overweight and low risk at any point in pregnancy as bmi generally isn't seen as accurate during pregnancy...

Anyway if all this is true then obviously it's awful as no-one should be shamed for their weight. It doesn't do anything except make people feel bad. You can inform people of the risks though.

I keep reading about people giving clothes sizes and "not seeing" themselves as obese and am a bit confused though. It's not a judgment about your clothes size. It's a measurement based on your weight and height. I know it's not perfect but surely as a tool for the the general population it's quite accurate?

I was in for my booking in appointment last week 10+2 when the midwife was doing the ultrasound trying to get a decent image of baby she commented "there's a lot of layers to get through" She didn't mean it badly and it is the truth I really didn't mind. She also let me know that you can do SW while pregnant and I told her I'd lost a stone on SW and hadn't gained since getting preg she was very supportive about it.