Oh my god, people asking if my pregnancy was planned!!!

[Toomanyslippers]

I find it so annoying and actually quite offensive that people think it's acceptable to ask if it pregnancy was planned!
It's blood rude!

Yes my pregnancy was planned more than you will ever know (numerous ivf attempts!) not that I'm telling nosey people at work that.

So annoying!

Rant over

I had this too! My answer was usually a vacant state and “dunno, if only I knew how it happened...”

I was over 40. You’d think people would assume I was old enough to know how contraception works!

'Nope. The aliens didn't even ask before implanting me with their new overlord. Rude, right?'

Why is it rude to ask if it was planned?

I was over 40. You’d think people would assume I was old enough to know how contraception works!

I have a 42 year old friend who has become pregnant unplanned...
It's still not appropriate to ask though!!!

A friend of mine told her 20 year old lodger she was pregnant. He looked shocked and horrified and then said "It wasn't me!".

"Well, we tried training the cats to make tea but the lack of opposable thumbs got in the way so we thought we'd see if a child could do it..."

(I'm 41, married, homeowner in a professional job. I have successfully avoided pregnancy for 5/8 of my life...what do people think?)

Dunno how it happened, dh said he was asleep all night, his penis must have fallen in without him realising.

When I was pregnant with dc2 I was asked by someone on our first meeting if it was my first baby. When I replied no, I'd already got a nearly 6 yo, she asked if they had different fathers. When she was told they both belonged to my husband she replied "was this one an accident then?"!

My (very lovely) boss asked me "is this good timing for you personally?" which I thought was a very tactful way of asking this question

I had this, despite being married, in a stable job, house etc.

I’m still mid 20’s, so when close friends politely asked ‘was it a surprise?’ I wasn’t exactly annoyed, it’s just tiresome when it’s asked a lot.

I was however a bit peeved when MIL asked dh if it was planned... why wouldn’t it be?!

Yep, I've been asked in both pregnancies, early/mid 30s, stable jobs, own home, married! It was our own families that asked too which makes it worse as surely they would know that we were at that stage of life?

fabricwitch well that’s true, no contraception is perfect. I always thought though that it sounded like I was utterly clueless as to how it all worked!

I too am just over 40, married with a good job, own home etc. Who's f@@king business is it if I meant to have unprotected sex with my husband or not! 😲😲 still can't believe people ask me this inappropriate question.

@Helpmeyouyetti it's rude to ask if someone's baby was planned or an accident. Next they will be asking what day and how many times I had sex with my husband before it happened

Same here. Am 29 which apparently is v young to be pregnant

I think it’s a really bizarre question! I’m 33, have 2 existing DC and we always said we’d like a third. We have a big enough house, big enough car... we still got asked this numerous times!
When FIL asked I said ‘so you’re asking whether we consciously decided not to use contraception, whether it failed, or whether we just didn’t bother? ’

@hippychick ive had this too :) There is 5 years between my 2nd and 3rd dc. People who knew me well including family asked if dc3 was planned? Yes she was..

Acquaintances, complete strangers and even a midwife asked if they had different dads?!? All my children have the same dad but how is that your business?

Honestly I would never dream of asking anyone such personal questions.

@Poptart4 oh my god how rude!!

@SoyDora That's brilliant, I'm going to use that one next time someone asks me!

I got this with Dd2.
23year age gap between my Dd's.
I thought it would be pretty obvious it wasn't planned.

Next they will be asking what day and how many times I had sex with my husband before it happened

Well? You have to sharrrrre!!!

I got this too when DH and I told my DM... I thought of loads of responses afterwards that I wish I'd used but at the time just went 'uhh... yeah'. Apparently my face was a picture

It's rude to ask because 1) it is no-one else's business and there are plenty of other topics of conversation 2) no-one really wants to tell you they were raped/had an affair/one night stand but are continuing the pregnancy 3) no-one wants to tell you that no, it wasn't planned, but they chose to continue and don't want anyone blurting out to the child later that they were a supposed "mistake" 4) they found out too late to change their mind/didn't want DCs but thought they were infertile/sterilisation failed etc. 5) If by any chance they did want to tell you such personal information, they'd have done so, so you really don't need to ask...

Same. I’m having my fourth DC, much older than I was when having the other three yet I have been asked far more this time. I guess it’s abnormal to have more than one or two DC in today’s society so people don’t expect it.

Simply reply;

Yes, were you?

It's rude because it doesn't matter! And the question is inherently judgemental. It's because what people really want to say is "Aren't you a bit young?" or "Aren't you a bit old?" or "Why do you want another when you already have three?" or "But you only gave birth 6 months ago!" or "You've only been together a few months, is this a good idea?" etc. etc.

My mum asked but I forgave her because I had told her I didn't want any children for 33 years, hence she was clutching the scan picture and sobbing in joy!

I've been asked the same thing several times, one was actually my dad! He said 'accidents happen' - how rude! It's nobodies business. X