Oh my god, people asking if my pregnancy was planned!!!

[Toomanyslippers]

I find it so annoying and actually quite offensive that people think it's acceptable to ask if it pregnancy was planned!
It's blood rude!

Yes my pregnancy was planned more than you will ever know (numerous ivf attempts!) not that I'm telling nosey people at work that.

So annoying!

Rant over

It's a really weird thing to ask IMO. Why do people want/need to know if a pregnancy was planned anyway?

I haven't told a lot of people yet, but I will be pretty shocked if someone asks me if it was planned. How would it be any of their business?

No...i told him to wake me up next time

a lady at work asked me if my pregnancy was planned in the middle of a busy corridor. And then proceeded to ask if my older son was fathered by my husband 😳

I've just found out I was pregnant a few days ago unplanned.. I have never had the desire to have children so this pregnancy came as a shock. I guess what I see the main difference as are you ready for a child are you still in shock. I don't find the question rude as to me my close family and friends have given me lots of support.

I had quite a big age gap. I don't think anyone actually asked if the pregnancy was planned, but lots of people responded to the news with 'Are you pleased?'

It’s really weird. My friend was told by someone it MUST have been an accident because she wasn’t married

People are rude.

I find it really rude; particularly as it often comes from colleagues or people you don’t know well enough to talk about personal subjects.

'Was asking such a rude, personal question planned or did it just happen?'

I really don’t see the problem. Didn’t bother me

It wound me up too OP, with all 3 of mine.

I found that a quick response “nah we were shagging for the fun of it” tends to shut them up

I find it really rude. DD1 and DD2 were both IVF babies. DC3 was a happy surprise after being diagnosed with dual factor infertility. We were both fairly open to having a third but were definitely not ready when I fell pregnant as DD2 was only 1.5 and a terrible sleeper.

I’d feel bad for DC3 saying he wasn’t planned as he’s very much wanted. So I lie when asked.

I haven’t been asked as often as I’d have expected though, seeing as we’ll have 3 under 4.

I've had this too (this is mine and DP's first and we've been together nearly ten years). I got quite offended when I was asked this, as baby has been very much planned and wanted, and only made possible through our wonderful NHS, which Iade very clear to said third party. DP was less bothered as he assumed it was so the third party could make sure they said the right thing in terms of congratulations or not... My feelings on this are that:
1)its no one's business other than the parents if the child was planned or not
2) at the point the mum is obviously pregnant and telling people, chances are even of it wasn't planned it doesn't matter now as they have clearly decided to go ahead with the pregnancy
3) why risk asking an upsetting question if the child was convieved through rape/abuse or may be given up for adoption/taken into care after birth?

No mate, I got visited by the angel Gabriel.

My DS was my 5th IVF cycle with donor eggs and people asked if he was planned, DPs brother was asking DP if he was an accident

I think it's one of those things people don't actually realise is rude, such as 'look how big you are!' or 'you already have a boy, I bet you want a girl this time!'

I never thought much about it before, but since being pregnant those sorts of questions imply judgement on my life choices or desires from someone not involved and I do find them very rude.

People just don't think before they say things when pregnancy is concerned. I had one lady telling me that the only way anyone should ever give birth is completely naturally and have I looked into natural pain-relief. This lady had never given birth in her life but she obviously didn't realise just how rude and judgy that sounded.

@BexusSugarush - everyone just has to share their opinions don't they! I have a son already (and yes I've been asked a million times already if I hope this is a girl - for the record, I'd just love a baby) and wouldn't dream of asking awkward questions like I get asked now? X

@dingdongdigeridoo I'm going to use that one next time this situation comes up!

I had my DS quite young so am used to this question even now that he's 7. I find it incredibly rude, especially as it's quite obvious I didn't plan to have a child during university so they don't exactly need to point it out! I also get 'are you still with the dad' followed by 'oh, that's good' as if I've partially redeemed myself from the indiscretion of an unplanned pregnancy by at least managing to sustain a relationship with the father!

It's like asking a fat person if they are trying to lose weight - they may or may not be but it's none of your business!

I wouldn't want to ask if a baby was planned, purely because even if it wasn't, I wouldn't expect the person to say so as it may affect the child to hear that they were unplanned, and their parents may not want them to know.

My dad asked me that when I announced my pregnancy with DS2. I said "No", he said "ok". We sat in silence for a minute and then I asked him why he asked if it was planned and where he was going with it.

He said he wasn't going anywhere with it and just asked because he was in shock, couldn't think of anything to say, but he had heard other people say that sort of thing. Then we laughed at the ridiculousness of it.

I agree with BexusSugarush, it's just one of those unthinking things that people say when you tell them you're pregnant.

Nope, we were aiming for bumsex and missed

I've only been asked once out of everyone I've told & it was by a guy I work with - when I told him I was expecting (after he hinted & asked why I wasn't drinking booze at a work night out) he replied "I know someone already told me". Then he asked if it was planned. Worst response I got. He's a complete moron. Wish I'd thought of some of the above responses!!

I think it's a rude question. Someone at work asked me - I think she thought it wasn't the right time for me in terms of my career.

Yes I had people ask if it was planned, including my relatively new next door neighbour

I thought it rude and inappropriate, even though yes he was planned, if he hadn't been it would have put me on the spot a bit!

I don't think it's always people being rude at all.
I think sometimes it's people gauging whether you need support or not. Were you expecting this news kind of thing. For lots of people it's a total shock.
We've just announced dc3 to family and happily told them it was planned

I get this a lot, especially from people who have known me since i had DD 6 years ago. Always said i would never have any more for me...now that DS is here i either get 'are you keeping this one?' or 'was he a happy accident?' which really pisses me off