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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant by accident at 43... Chances of miscarriage?

48 replies

Merry32 · 19/08/2018 23:21

I didn’t think I could get pregnant due to my age, PCOS, fibroids, etc. So I have been a bit slapdash about using condoms with my OH. When my period was a few days late and I had sore boobs and “period“ pain for a couple of days I just thought a monster period was brewing, maybe even early signs of menopause. But Google said it could be pregnancy - I thought v unlikely but better check. ClearBlue test this evening says 2-3 weeks pregnant!!! I’m in shock. It’s my first ever pregnancy.

My question is - how likely am I to miscarry? Stats I’ve seen say at least 50/50... I hadn’t been taking extra vitamins, and have drunk a fair amount in the past few weeks so I think it’s pretty likely...

Also, planning on telling my OH tomorrow (we don’t live together) who has never wanted kids - any advice??

Any thoughts v gratefully received...

OP posts:
DeadDoorpost · 19/08/2018 23:29

I'm 24 but with DS I didn't take any extra vitamins. Didn't know you were "supposed to" until my 10 week booking appointment. No problems here with him.

As for telling OH, I'm not so sure. I think being honest with him as early as possible and trying to work out what you want to do is the best option. Even if that means you want to keep the baby and ending a relationship. But you've got to do what's best for you.
Just wanted to say congratulations though! I've got friends and family with PCOS and know the struggles they've had/having with pregnancies. Fingers crossed things turn out ok for you

Brandnewstart · 19/08/2018 23:33

I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant at 40 (partner had snip years ago but obviously it didn’t work!) Drank loads before I knew, and didn’t take supplements until late, but fingers crossed all will be ok.
We already have 4 children between us, and this wasn’t in the plan, but we are excited now to meet her. How do you feel OP? You sound excited x

Original poster
Merry32 · 19/08/2018 23:51

Thanks - to be honest it doesn’t feel real, will definitely take more tests!. I’d given up any thoughts of children TBH - looked into freezing my eggs at 39 but was told I was already too old unless I considered a sperm donor. I didn’t want that.

Then I met my partner 18 months ago, he’s a bit younger at 39 and a bit of a party boy so never wanted kids - he’s great with them though and I’m sure he’d make a great Dad but I know he freaked out when he had a pregnancy scare with an ex.

I’ve got over the initial freak out of shaking, crying, thinking I was going to throw up and feel like nature will take its course either way....

OP posts:
INeedNewShoes · 19/08/2018 23:55

Wow that's a big surprise! Congratulations!

I wouldn't worry too much about the alcohol as plenty of women drink before they realise. Just make sure you avoid it now. Definitely don't worry about vitamins!

Your partner is bound to be very shocked so I'd be prepared for him to need a couple of days to process things before he can talk about it in any meaningful way.

MyDcAreMarvel · 19/08/2018 23:55

It’s not 50/50 not sure the exact stats but much lower. Take 75mg aspirin daily unless you have a medical reason not to also 5mg of folic acid it’s a high but safe dose.
Congratulations.

CatPatrol · 19/08/2018 23:55

My question is - how likely am I to miscarry? Stats I’ve seen say at least 50/50... I hadn’t been taking extra vitamins, and have drunk a fair amount in the past few weeks so I think it’s pretty likely...

If you miscarry, it will almost certainly be due to a chromosome abnormality and that has no bearing on you drinking alcohol or not taking vitamins.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope it all goes well for you. I don’t know the stats but if you google, there are lots of websites including some where you input your specific information and it will tell you the odds.

BakedBeans47 · 19/08/2018 23:56

Well my grandmother had twins at 43, great Gran had a baby in her 40s and she was already a Gran herself! And I know women 44/45 who have had babies. But yes chances are higher of mc/problems - but as you say just take it as it comes :)

INeedNewShoes · 19/08/2018 23:59

If you decide to start taking high dose folic acid I would take it in the form of folate. Something like 1 in 4 women can't absorb folic acid and the excess can have unwanted effects whereas folate is readily metabolised.

If the test says 2-3 weeks you could be 5 weeks already so you may as well pick up the phone and organise a booking in appointment with the midwife then you can get info on supplements etc. and they'll hopefully reassure you a bit on age and pregnancy.

mrbob · 20/08/2018 00:09

Definitely need to take folate ASAP (risk of spina bifida) but don’t worry about anything else at this point. The alcohol is no biggie :)

How do you feel about it? Must be a big surprise! I hope the chat goes well :)

Original poster
Merry32 · 20/08/2018 00:26

Thanks for the advice and reassurance - it’s a major surprise TBH! And will be even bigger for my partner - thankfully he was on the phone when I was freaking out and tried to call, then I calmed down and texted him that “it can wait until tomorrow”...

I was so sure I couldn’t be pregnant I bought the absolute cheapest test from Wilko - then when there was a faint line went to the 24 hr pharmacy to get a digital one (plus another I might take tomorrow am to be double sure!. My paternal gran had 11 kids, the last when she’s was 46, so maybe I miraculously inherited her fertility genes!

Going straight buy supplements first thing....

OP posts:
dingdongdigeridoo · 20/08/2018 00:27

Congratulations! What a big surprise. Don’t worry too much about the drinking so far. Lots of women drink before knowing, and the baby won’t be affected this early on. You should try and see a midwife soon, they might have you on extra folic acid or aspirin but it varies on your other risk factors.

Original poster
Merry32 · 20/08/2018 00:28

And INeednewshoes, I think you’re right, he’ll need a few days to think - and better that I’m not freaking out at the same time...

OP posts:
Original poster
Merry32 · 20/08/2018 00:32

I also feel guilty as a few of my closest friends have really struggled to conceive, one or two gone thru IVF unsuccessfully, etc. so I’m already dreading telling them...

OP posts:
INeedNewShoes · 20/08/2018 00:59

You're a few weeks away from telling lots of friends anyway so please don't worry about that yet.

Your only immediate concerns are getting started on folate, talking to your partner, contacting your local midwife team and then just looking after yourself as first trimester symptoms can be a bit ugh!

3TresTrois · 20/08/2018 01:12

Congratulations. It must be a shock! I’m 41 and live in terror of a pregnancy now, but I have two children already (one with autism) which affects my view.

Having said that, four of my aunties had children aged 42-44 and they all had healthy children (all in their twenties and thirties now). They all smoked and drank plenty before they found out. I reckon it is chromosomal abnormalities that cause miscarriage at any age, but especially this age, so what will be will be.

The odds are more in your favour than against. Best wishes x

Justgivemeasoddingname · 20/08/2018 01:17

Don't buy any more tests! You are pregnant. Congratulations! How wonderful for you. I hope your OH sees how fortunate you both are and hopefully gets excited but understandably may not as hadnt planned kids....but he was in on this act too so is just as responsible for contraception!! I wish you well in your pregnancy xx

PinkSquidgyPig · 20/08/2018 14:43

Oh OP, have a hug. You've just told my story almost to the word.
I decided from the get go to be philosophical about miscarriage. But still managed to love the littl'un throughout pregnancy.
I bought loads of baby stuff and my mum kept saying "what if you miscarry, it's still quite early." I confidently replied that it would be ok if that's what nature had to do (abnormalities happen to babies of mums of any age) and that I would give all the baby stuff to a mum
in need. This way I would be doing a good thing and I genuinely felt this helped the baby feel real to me, but at the same time give me a way to deal with a miscarriage if it happened.

I’ve got over the initial freak out of shaking, crying, thinking I was going to throw up and feel like nature will take its course either way....

I took 6 tests, then insisted the GP do one. Then cried for 3 days.

Many years before I'd been told I'd need IVF to conceive. But I didn't want to do that. I was single at that time anyhow.

Her dad and I are still together, got married when she was 5. She's nearly ten now. It's been quite a roller coaster. Particularly when I went through the menopause when she was 5/6/7. But we are in calmer times now.

Although we weren't trying to have children my husband is a great dad. I think it's been the making of him.

All the best. X

I wish you all the best.

Original poster
Merry32 · 20/08/2018 16:19

Thanks, Pinksquidgypig, glad you've had a happy outcome. I didn't get much sleep last night - you saying that it's been the making of your husband made me tear up, I think the same would be true for my OH... But that's a long way off - counting chickens, etc....

OP posts:
Whatabanana · 20/08/2018 16:25

I got pregnant unexpectedly at 43...but did go on to miscarry. It happened a few days before my 12 week scan. So congratulations but it is wise to be cautious. I knew the chances were high of something going wrong but it was still very upsetting when it happened. Good luck.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 20/08/2018 16:36

There is a good summary of the data on miscarriage risk by various factors here.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/expectingscience.com/2015/08/26/lies-damned-lies-and-miscarriage-statistics/amp/

SleepFreeZone · 20/08/2018 16:40

The miscarriage risk is high but your body suspects the egg is okay or else it wouldn’t have implanted. My advice as a 43 year old who has had her children late and four miscarriages would be to take your pregnancy vitamins, go to the doctor and book and early scan with a view to taking the Harmony test at 10 weeks (assuming you get that far). That will then tell you if the baby has a chromosome condition (which was the fate of my last pregnancy conceived at 42). The earlier you know the easier it is to deal with the fall out.

Original poster
Merry32 · 21/08/2018 08:48

Thanks all. Told my OH last night and he took it much better than expected, in shock I suspect, very calm though. Just said wow a lot - much less potty-mouthed than me!

TBH, I’m preparing myself to miscarry but will take it a day at a time....

OP posts:
Millypad · 21/08/2018 10:56

My mum had my sister at 44, she had pcos and had barely ovulated in the 17 years between us two. My sister was more straightforward than me - I was born at 28 weeks in 1985 and she was born full term in 2002, perfectly healthy. They kept an extra eye on her during pregnancy with more scans, health care appts and being assigned a midwife who saw her weekly after about 20 weeks. Sis is getting her GCSE results on thurs....

Brandnewstart · 21/08/2018 22:12

Glad your OH took it well Smile. Hope it all works out for you x

rubyroot · 21/08/2018 22:49

I read the risk is about 25% but women are now having children later and later

I really hope it works out for you.