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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Did your DP / DH go to your antenatal appointments with you?

51 replies

Eaglebird · 31/05/2007 21:04

I'm 19+3, and DP has been to my midwife appointments with me, an early scan (due to bleeding) and also the 12 week scan.
It's the 20 week scan next week, and he says his boss won't let him leave an hour or so early so he can accompany me. If he wants to go, he will have to take a days leave.
Fair enough I suppose, but DP seems to begrudge taking a day off to accompany me to the scan. Yet he will happily take a day off to spend time on one of his hobbies.
I'm a bit cheesed off, and told him if he won't go with me then I'll ask his sister to accompany me.
Am I being over-emotional? I thought he'd be really keen to go to the scan, but it seems not.

OP posts:

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LazyLine · 31/05/2007 21:10

DH came to scans with me, but there was only one. I wouldn't have asked him to come to the normal antenatal appointments.

Personally I would want him to save his days off so that he can use them when you really need them, ie, when the baby is here.

lyrabelacqua · 31/05/2007 21:11

dp went to all my scans, he wouldn't have missed them for anything. he didn't go to all the midwife check-ups though, especially near the end when they're every week.
your dp should make the effort imo. the 20-week scan is so exciting and it's the one where you can find out the sex

Jojay · 31/05/2007 21:18

My DH came to the scans too, but not the midwife appointments. Don't want to scare monger AT ALL and I'm sure everything is absolutely fine, but my friend found out at the 12 wk scan that she'd had a missed miscarriage. It was horrific for her but would have been even worse had her DH not been there.

We decided there and then that there was NO WAY I'd go without him as if they found something wrong, he'd definitely want to be there, and I would need him too.

I'm sure everything is fine though, and i agree with Lyrabelacqua - scans are so exciting!!!!!!!

BibiThree · 31/05/2007 21:22

DH came to the 2 scans with dd but no other appointments except one ante-natal to hear the heartbeat, but he was on school holidays then. Tbh I felt fine going on my own, but was glad he was able to come to the scans, I would have been quite put out if he hadn't wanted to.

This time, I'm being scanned fortnightly and there was/is the risk of complications with this pregnancy (twins), his boss has been fabulous and let him take time out of school to come to every one - with one exception as his children were doing tests, but MIL came with me. This time I really don't want to go on my own so we're really lucky he can have the time off.

Dont' think you're being over-emotional especially as he'd take the time off for a hobby, but if he wants to miss out then that's his tough luck. Take your SIL, I'm sure she'd be thrilled.

ChasingSquirrels · 31/05/2007 21:24

he came to both 12 and 20 wk scans, didn't come to mw appts or the 36 wk scans that i had with both of them.

miniegg · 31/05/2007 21:26

i totally know how you feel on this one but the fact is they aren't always as excited as we are by the scans - i don't think it means they're not as excited about the baby. my dh has been to some and not others. obviously i would love it if he was really enthusiastic about coming to all of them but i'm trying to be realistic! your DP does have a good excuse..

lizziemun · 31/05/2007 21:35

dh only came to the scans with me, and he had to take a days holiday for each.

He didn't come to any of the midwife appoitments with me, nor did i want him to.

I mean i find them boring let alone for him sit and wait for 20 min for a five minutes with the midwife.

PinkTulips · 31/05/2007 21:36

yep. all the scans and hospital appointments. some of the gp visits with dd but he stayed home to mind dd when it was just the gp for ds

Cappuccino · 31/05/2007 21:38

yes all scans and hospital appts there he was

Califrau · 31/05/2007 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bouquetsofdynomite · 31/05/2007 21:41

DH didn't come to MW appts, came to 20wk scan but not one at 32wks.
Do you want to find out the sex? Could be a good thing him not being there depending on your viewpoints.

insywinsyspider · 31/05/2007 21:50

dh came to scans with me but not to antenatal appointments - can understand why you are cheesed off but agree with Lazyline time off when baby's here will be worth more to you both... can he take half day or can scan be resheduled? would that help?
its probably just unfortunent that he took time off to come to early stuff and now feels like he's taken too much time off - my dh stresses about missing work too, think he feels pressure to do well to 'provide' for us!

lyrabelacqua · 31/05/2007 21:54

If you want to find out the sex it's so important that your dp goes to the scan. My dp was almost teary when told he was going to have a son (and we were shown the little 'third leg' on the screen) and he never usually shows that sort of emotion. It was one of the best moments of the pregnancy, both times.

Bouquetsofdynomite · 31/05/2007 21:57

It's also hard not to be sensitive as you realise you're not actually going to share everything with him. I used to feel quite lonely being pg, there being this place he couldn't come with me, feelings he couldn't possibly understand etc. But that is something you'll get used to - nobody else is going to have that baby for you.

nomdeplume · 31/05/2007 21:57

nope. DH came to the scans with me but not to the mw appts (unless he happened to be off that day)

Original poster

Eaglebird · 31/05/2007 23:13

DP works shifts, and has been to all appointments so far because they've coincided with time off on his shift pattern.
We've agreed we don't want to find out the sex, so there's no 'real need' for him to be at the 20 week scan if he doesn't want to.
I'd like him to be there, though. Last year I had a missed m/c, and we only found out the baby had died at the 12 week scan, which was horrific. Consequently, I was dreading the 12 week scan this time round, but fortunately all was well.
I'm at that stage in my pg where the morning sickness has gone, and I feel well, but I don't have a really noticeable bump yet, and haven't yet felt the baby move, so I'm keen to go to the 20 week scan just to convince myself there's still a baby in there!
If DP won't go with me, I'll ask his sister. I'm sure she'll be dead excited at the thought of seeng her niece-or-nephew-to-be.
I'm just a bit peed off with DP, especially as he has planned lots of days off work later in the year to pursue his hobbies.
Rant over

OP posts:

Pinkchampagne · 31/05/2007 23:16

No he didn't, but then he was always adament that he wasn't going to be around for the birth, so there was little point him being there. I went on my own.

dyzzidi · 31/05/2007 23:16

DH came to all appointments when he was in the UK ( he works overseas).

He did make sure he was home for the two scans as I had a missed miscarriage last year and I needed his support.

maisym · 31/05/2007 23:19

The other day I was waiting for a scan & looked at the mum opposite there without her partner - thought that's strange as everyone else was with their dh/dp - but then connected to the fact that I was there by myself as well. My dh works long hours so have to go to the check-ups/scans myself - I get so stressed about appointments - about what could be wrong.

lisad123 · 31/05/2007 23:31

My DH came to all my scans and appointment with DD, but this time round he is working for a diffferent company.
He has come to my 12 and 20 week scan but missed a few "extra" scans we have had due to difficulties, he also hasnt been to any midwife appointment and only 2 consultant appointments.
I know its hard and im sure he would be there if you explained how upset this has made you. Surely he doesnt have to take all day off just a few hours?

Lisa

gonnaneedabiggerboat · 31/05/2007 23:35

DH came to the scans with me but not he midwife appoinments. He only got to hear DD1 heartbeat when he did (7m pregnat) as I'd fallen over, broken my arm and had to go to hospitl - a whole other story!

Isn;t he actually entitled by law to take the time off for the scan - don;t quote me I could be totally wrong, someone will no doubt put me right if I am!

missgriss · 31/05/2007 23:36

DH came to both scans and some of the antenatal appointments with DS, and none at all with DD!

wrinklytum · 31/05/2007 23:38

Mine did not as he is self-employed and would lose a days wages.

Is a fab dad though

Chelseamum · 31/05/2007 23:42

My husband did accompany me to all the scans but not the midwife appointments.

I agree with you, tough, I would be pissed off if instead him would take days off to indulge his hobbies.

As someones has point out I don#t think it determines which kind of parent they will turn out to be!

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Twinklemegan · 31/05/2007 23:44

DH came to almost all my appointments. I'd have been very upset if he hadn't come to the scans.

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