Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Did your DP / DH go to your antenatal appointments with you?

51 replies

Eaglebird · 31/05/2007 21:04

I'm 19+3, and DP has been to my midwife appointments with me, an early scan (due to bleeding) and also the 12 week scan.
It's the 20 week scan next week, and he says his boss won't let him leave an hour or so early so he can accompany me. If he wants to go, he will have to take a days leave.
Fair enough I suppose, but DP seems to begrudge taking a day off to accompany me to the scan. Yet he will happily take a day off to spend time on one of his hobbies.
I'm a bit cheesed off, and told him if he won't go with me then I'll ask his sister to accompany me.
Am I being over-emotional? I thought he'd be really keen to go to the scan, but it seems not.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

beckmo · 01/06/2007 07:19

No appointments but both scans.

I think before the scans he didn't really cotton on that there was a baby in there-after all I was the only one feeling the pregnancy. Made it more real for him and also made me feel he was more involved -all that hard work I was doing I at least expected him to take a half day off work!

And I don't think he realised how much it would effect him seeing the baby on the 20 week scan -in hindsight he would have been gutted to have missed it.

eidsvold · 01/06/2007 07:47

for our 3 - just scans. Did not come to any of the usual antenatal appts - midwife, hospital or GP ones.

Although with dd1 he saw the fetal cardiologists and went to those appts and most of the extra scans. He also came to see the obstetric consultant for dd1.

20 week scan is so important though - that is when we found about dd1's cardiac defect - confirmed through specialist appts and scans. It would have been tough if he had not been there. As well as at the 38 week scan - checking for growth etc - as I had dd1 an hour later!!!

LaDiDaDi · 01/06/2007 07:51

Dp came to the three scans thaty I had, one mw appointment and my consultant appointments.

Enid · 01/06/2007 07:56

he came to a nuchal fold scan once but that was it (three babies)

I preferred going on my own.

FrannyandZooey · 01/06/2007 08:10

Scans yes, I had loads of hosp apptments in the end though and he couldn't have possibly come to them all

I was very brave and had a sweep without him - quite impressive for me when very overdue and in Please Look After Me I Am Extremely Pregnant mode

juuule · 01/06/2007 08:11

No - not to any of them.

littlelapin · 01/06/2007 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ceolas · 01/06/2007 08:13

He came to scans but not any other appointments.

elasticbandstand · 01/06/2007 08:16

i honestly can't remember
apart from the antenatal when we had moved to the area an several of the other mumstobe made comments about how their's couldnt come, and wouldnt move up to make space for him..

PregnantGrrrl · 01/06/2007 08:27

he comes to scans, and to midwife appointments if he can.

BTW- your DP is entitled to reasonable time off to take you to appointments, his boss is being an arse.

skidaddle · 01/06/2007 08:42

Eagle I would be annoyed in your position too - even if you're not finding out the sex, the 20 weeks scan is where they check everything is well. In the very unlikely scenario that there was a problem you would certainly want him there. And if everything is well as I'm sure it is, it would be nice to be able to celebrate together, even if it's just a quick cup of tea or something.

At least you will have someone to go with you and if he's not willing to take time off for it, there's probably nothing to be gained by cajoling him into it. Hope you manage to enjoy it anyway and get to see your baby kicking around healthily!

Hulababy · 01/06/2007 08:46

Dh came to my scans, the original booking in appointment, a referral to the hospital when they though I had too much protien in my urine, and to one other normal appointment - to hear the heartbeat.

I didn't expect him to come to the other appointments.

DH was really keen to come to the others though.

Very mean of your DH's boss to not let him leave for an hour, rather than having to use up a full day's holiday.

babygrand · 01/06/2007 09:03

How mean of your dh's boss. I suppose if he's already seen two scans though, the 'thrill factor' has probably worn off! So, all you need to know is if everything is OK, and if you can find someone else to take, that should be fine.

kamikayzed · 01/06/2007 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Glimmer · 01/06/2007 10:12

I think there are no 'rules' at all but it depends on how you and your DP feel. It seems to be very important to you that he comes. Did you tell him how important it is to you? He might not realise it. It often happens to me that things that are completely obvious to me, are not at all to my DH, but when I ask him he is very much willing to meet my wishes.

motherinferior · 01/06/2007 10:25

I think you need someone with you at the scans, in case they reveal things you need to think about and/or need support with.

hana · 01/06/2007 10:40

I would def want my partner there at a 20 week scan, he's not being supportive at all

Mumpbump · 01/06/2007 10:43

I wouldn't expect dh to come to the antenatal appointments, but I would for the scans. This time around, dh couldn't come for the 12 week scan as he was overseas with work so I took my dad along. At the 20 weeks scan, I think you can reasonably expect everything to be fine, but I would go with someone just in case. I would just tell your dp it's important to you. I am sure he won't begrude it once he sees the baby - it's the scan in which the baby looks most like a baby and you don't get any more before birth...

CountTo10 · 01/06/2007 11:01

Dp didn't come to all my midwife appts with me. He did both the early and 20 week scans and the appt where they first liten for the heartbeat but that was it. I didn't see the point of him coming a long really to anything else. Is it just pg women that get mandatory leave for appts then? I think your dp's employer is being a little unreasonable in not allowing your dp some time to come with you. He's really going to miss out as well as you get to see so much more. Why don't you explain how important it is to you and why you feel a bit frustrated you feel by him not coming.

eemie · 01/06/2007 11:08

He had to, because I was too sick to drive. Very glad he did. He had to take leave, though.

beckybrastraps · 01/06/2007 11:20

One scan for ds (I only had one), two out of three scans for dd. Nowt else. I even told him to take his time coming in after I'd been induced with ds. Not much was happening

ThursdayNext · 01/06/2007 14:31

Could he go to work an hour early, or work an extra hour another day so he could come with you? I would take someone supportive in case of any problems.
But I could barely be bothered with the midwife appointments myself (always seemed a bit pointless for me), never mind dragging DP along to all of them.

kittylette · 01/06/2007 14:35

My DP always did (took halfday off ect)

My sisterd DP never did and it made me feel very for her!

Original poster

Eaglebird · 04/06/2007 21:16

DP has requested a days holiday to go to the scan with me . I told him I'd like him to be there, as it's the important & detailed scan where they check that the skeleton & organs are formed & growing properly.
If he can't get the day off, his sister will go with me.
His boss is such a knob, though, for not allowing him to leave early though, meaning he has to use up a days holiday ...

I just want confirmation that there's still a baby in there! I don't have a big bump; and I don't know if I've felt the baby move yet, or not, as I don't know what it should feel like. I've felt a few rumbling sensations low down, not where you'd normally get a rumbly tummy, which I guess may be movements (?) Also I felt a sort of lurching sensation the other day, just as you'd imaging it would feel if the baby was doing a somersault. Wasn't sure it it was the baby or wind .

OP posts:

MuffinMclay · 04/06/2007 21:41

Last time, dh came to the 8 week viability scan, and the nuchal fold one, because they were at weekends (I'd have been a bit peeved if he hadn't). He didn't come to the 20 week scan (out of the country) or any of the many antenatal appoinments though. I didn't see any point.

He only just got back from South Africa for the birth itself, although in his defence it was 2 weeks early.

This time (can't believe I'm saying that, just found out) will be just the same, although he may have to take time off work (sorry, 'work from home', ahem) to look after ds so that I can go any weekday scans/appointments.

Flip

1 2 3