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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

antenatal classes - odd one out

31 replies

bumbly · 29/05/2007 22:21

every one else seems to know each other as small village/midwife is their best friend (not fair!)/work together/went to school together - except me

every is totally prepared (nursery ready/bought all clothes/names in lines etc and confident for the arrival of baby - except me

everybody is actually looking forward to labour - expect me

really feel am the odd one out

and here was I looking forward to the classes in order to finally calm down and meet some like minded people in the same situation...but no

maybe I should quit them..

I am also the only person in the group that said I actually am looking forward to getting my life back after the preg as don't want all baby things and baby itself to rule my life - rather baby should be part of my life and share my life not dominate it

they looked at me as if was this completely selfish....

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MissGolightly · 29/05/2007 22:22

How long have you been going? You may get on with them better as you get to know them.

I didn't feel I had much in common with my antenatal class at first but actually we ended up really good friends and still meet regularly a year on.

lulumama · 29/05/2007 22:24

hate to break this to you , bumbly, in the nicest possble way, the baby will rule your life and dominate it......

now , what is it about labour you are not looking forward to ? are you anxious about coping with the pain? about being out of control?

i'm sure your antenatal teacher can address these things

if you are in london, I can recommend two doulas who do private antenatal / birth prep classes, on a one to one basis

Original poster

bumbly · 29/05/2007 22:25

about a month now...and still feel as if they all look at me as if am the weirdo of the village

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Original poster

bumbly · 29/05/2007 22:29

hi lulu

am not looking foreard to all that can go wrong..as knowing my luck something will on the day...and the pain...etc...the pretty obvious scary things about labour...tearing...I could go on and on

and re the baby dominating my life - many sportswomen I know have had kids and gone back straight to their spport and not let their new baby dominate their life - doesn't mean I won't care for the baby - just every mum has to have her own life as well.....as that will make her a better nad happier mum

OP posts:

lulumama · 29/05/2007 22:36

all those anxieties are normal and to be expected

try to keep positve, and it is really good to educate yourself about the birth, and to read empowering stuff...such as Ina May Gaskin and Sheila Kitzinger, also, Janet Balaskas , who can inspire you to believe your body can do this

i have no doubt you will be a wonderful and devoted, happy mum, and find time for your own thing too !

MissGolightly · 29/05/2007 22:38

Have to say, I agree with Lulu! DP and I spent much of the pregnancy telling ourselves that having a baby wouldn't change our lives.

Oh. My. God. It took two hours to realise that I had spent 9 months in a totally delusional state.

Original poster

bumbly · 29/05/2007 22:39

thanks for the lovely words!!!

wish nice people like you were in my classes

OP posts:

MissGolightly · 29/05/2007 22:40

I bet the rest of the class has secret worries too - sometimes it takes a while for people to open up.

I felt like everyone else in my class was having these perfect effortless pregnancies, glowing, blooming etc. It was only after three or four classes that I realised they were all bricking themselves as much as me.

Original poster

bumbly · 29/05/2007 22:41

oh i know my life will change - it has actually changed already for the last seven months

but i loath the idea of going all googoo and gaagaa to the point where one's own perosnal life and interests are sacrificed..just not me I am afraid

;)

OP posts:

MissGolightly · 29/05/2007 22:43

I know what you mean - some people practically paper their house in Disney wallpaper in preparation for the new baby. Tis not my style either!

funnypeculiar · 29/05/2007 22:44

I suspect that anyone who is purely looking forwards to their first labour and isn't bricking it is a bit, um, odd... - perhaps they're just saying what they think they should say - ie all the positives - and aren't yet ready to be honest enough about their fears? Sometimes it's easier to be honest (as it sounds like you are being) when you haven't known people for years and years... Hang in there and they may get better...

(Oh, and bet you 10p the baby rules your life)

funnypeculiar · 29/05/2007 22:45

x-post!

Original poster

bumbly · 29/05/2007 22:51

what does x-post mean?

OP posts:

MissGolightly · 29/05/2007 22:53

it means cross-post, when you write a post at the same time as someone else and they cross in mid-air.

TuttiFrutti · 30/05/2007 09:43

Stick with it bumbly. You WILL get to know (and possible like) the other women in your class a lot more by the end. It's almost impossible to go through antenatal classes and not bond with somebody, because it's such a life changing experience (sorry, but it is!) that you will feel a real empathy for the women who've done it side by side with you.

naturelover · 30/05/2007 10:57

I'm expecting my first. Don't laugh but I really enjoyed reading the Yummy Mummy's Survival Guide to pregnancy - the author gives lots of realistic advice about not losing your "self" and old interests and old friends once baby arrives. This was a sanity check for me. The book is also pretty funny.

I know my life will turn upside down but I'm keen to keep my identity too.

Hope you meet some like-minded people soon.

Original poster

bumbly · 30/05/2007 11:06

naturelover - couldn't have said it better myself!!

re meeting people - our antenatal group is so small the other women have formed their mini-groups already and have already met before - so I don't stand a chance...

OP posts:

auschick · 30/05/2007 11:18

I laughed when I read your message bumbly (not sure if that was the response you intended!).

I totally understand. I didn't attend ante-natal classes with my first because I feared the experience you have had (and I have a medical background, so knew most of the in's and out's....or so I thought). I also thought my baby shouldn't rule my life, although I desperately wanted kids. We had basically nothing prepared before our baby arrived but we managed - although I don't recommend our level of disorganisation

16 months on - I've finally found some mums (and dads) on the same wave-length as me (but I moved countries and had a bout of PND before making an effort) and now enjoy my baby groups. Our baby pretty much rules our lives at the moment, but we wouldn't have it any other way

Don't be too hard on yourself - you'll meet people who will feel exactly like you (and plenty who probably do but don't admit it).

Must go...have 16 weeks left to prepare for baby number 2

Hope all goes well for you and your new baby!

RGPargy · 30/05/2007 11:20

Am i the only one who cant be bothered to go to an antenatal class?

This isn't my first pg so i really dont see what they can teach me, coz i've been there and done that. My memory banks have really opened up to the things i thought i'd forgotten since getting pg this time so i see no need to sit there while they teach me how to suck eggs.

RGPargy · 30/05/2007 11:45

Oh i should point out that i never went in my first pg either, but at the time wished i had gone. So i would say stick with it as i'm sure the advice you will be given will be invaluable to you, unlike me who was clueless lol.

auschick · 30/05/2007 11:53

I'm hadn't planned going this time around either...but, just in the last 10 minutes am starting to think I should go??

Should I go???

Mumpbump · 30/05/2007 11:54

I didn't particularly click with anyone in my antenatal class, but they are a useful support group when you are first adjusting to life with a baby. Over a year on, I am only in touch with one girl whose son goes to the same nursery as mine. I have pitched up at the one get-together which has been organised since I went back to work, but to be honest still don't feel that there is anyone there I have clicked with.

Sorry to be cynical, but take it for what it is - you might be surprised at how much you have in common by reason of your babies and how reassuring it is to have people to bounce things off, like is it normal for a baby to have 10 bowel movements a day? how do you get them to go to sleep? and to have a reason to get out of the house...

Pennypops · 30/05/2007 12:11

Oh Bumbly your post made me smile. I'm afraid you may have been reminded that competitve motherhood starts early. I have admitted all along that I haven't enjoyed being pregnant all the time and people do look at you like you're a freak. I think Miss Golightlys advice that people might take a while to actually admit the truth is spot on.

I'm 26 weeks and I've got my first NCT class next Monday and am bracing myself for a reaction very similar to yours!!

PS - The room that will be the nursery for my lo is currently housing a bath, sink, loo, buckets of grout and tiles etc. It isn't just you I promise.

RGPargy · 30/05/2007 12:20

auschick - do you WANT to go? if you think you could learn more this time around then go. If you are comfortable with your parenting skills already, then..... shrug

auschick · 30/05/2007 12:30

yeah - comfortable with parenting. Labour didn't go to well last time (induced - didnt dilate - emergency c/s). Trying for VBAC this time. Just had a thought that classes might help in that respect.

Besides - it'll get me out of the house!

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