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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Husband wants me to have an abortion.

39 replies

Becca2018 · 21/07/2018 13:53

Im almost 37 with a 10 year old and 2 step kids 16 and 18years old. My husband works away and after taking 2 plan b pills last month I found out last week that I’m pregnant.
Problem is I can’t decide whether to have an abortion or keep my baby. I’ve been crying every day since and only have 5 days left to decide before the abortion appointment.
My husband is so upset and won’t talk to me says hes too old(46) for more kids, and will leave if I have the baby. Our relationship has been aweful lately I was close to leaving him last month until he convinced me to stay and we were suppose to start marriage counselling next week.
The other issue is that I’m a stay at home mother and wouldnt have the income to comfortably support 2 kids on own without my husband.
I had an abortion already 8 years ago when I first got together with my husband, and it feels so wrong and selfish to have another one. I’ve always wanted one more but my husband never did. I don’t necessarily want a baby at this age but it wouldn’t be the end of the world for me like it is for my husband. I also worry that when I die my 10 year old will be left alone In this world without a blood sibling as his real father isn’t involved is his life.
I feel like I’m in such a big mess right now and either choice is a lose lose situation and have no idea what to do. Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/07/2018 13:59

37 isn’t old at all! And you would manage fine on your own, it sounds like your marriage was in difficulties anyway so you were considering going it alone anyway, though of course it would be more complicated with a baby.

Can you imagine being a mum again? Do you want this baby? That’s all that matters.

If you had an abortion because he threatened to leave you if you didn’t, would you grow to resent him and with that on top of the existing issues you could end up splitting up and then you’d not only be divorced but you’d have given up your chance to have another baby as well.

Don’t have a baby because you’re worried about having an only, but you can’t not have it because your husband is bullying and threatening you, which is horrible unforgivable behaviour.

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation

MysticFlyTrap · 21/07/2018 14:04

If your marriage is already on the rocks anyway I think it would be really sad for you not to be a mother again when you could break up anyway. He sounds very self absorbed to be honest and he has already made you go through one abortion. Think of your needs and what's best for you and your son.

Can't believe he is ignoring you until you do it, it's emotional abuse

LEMtheoriginal · 21/07/2018 14:06

Let him leave! It is not his decision

hiddeneverything · 21/07/2018 14:19

Keep the baby. It sounds like he will leave anyway xx

Mishappening · 21/07/2018 14:20

It is NOT his decision.

Hjkillas · 21/07/2018 14:39

I would say keep the baby and be happy, with or without him. But it's your choice.
Make sure you sit down and discuss your options with as many people as possible like maybe a doctor or even a finance advisor and of course family.. the more you know about your options and where other people stand with it, the more informed you are for your decision.

Just remember that this will probably be your last opportunity and and I personally am a firm believer everything happens for a reason so the plan b pills not working or you falling straight after them would be a sign to me that it's meant to be.

I hope whatever you decide that you have as much support as possible and feel good about your choice. Good luck hun!

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 21/07/2018 15:29

Whether you decide to keep the baby or not, you should leave your DH. He sounds controlling and manipulative.

RedWineAllMine · 21/07/2018 16:20

Christ I'm 37 currently expecting my first!
I blame my selfish, party lifestyle!

Havetothink · 21/07/2018 16:23

Keep it if you want it, don't base the decision on your relationship. Money is something you can figure out. Your husband would be obligated to help financially with the baby anyway if you took him to court.

TheHobbitMum · 21/07/2018 16:40

Your marriage is already over if he's giving ultimatums, whatever the outcome one of you will fiercely resent the other! In your circumstances I'd let him leave and have your baby, you WILL cope. Do what is right for you, he will have to financially support baby whether he is there or not. Don't be forced into a decision you are not happy with

badgeronabicycle · 21/07/2018 16:49

I'm so sorry you've found yourself in this tricky position. Your marriage may not survive either way if it's already in difficulty. I'd concentrate on whether or not you can raise this child on your own, and how you would feel if you terminate and your marriage breaks down anyway.
37 is not old at all to be a mum again, but it may be your last chance to do so if you stay with your DH and he doesn't want any more children. It sounds like he wanted the termination 8 years ago more than you did. Maybe now it's time to think about what is right for you.

eggncress · 21/07/2018 16:54

If you’re having some issues in your marriage he may leave anyway, after you have an abortion.
Do what you feel is best for you and your dc and consider if you will end up with long term regrets if you go ahead with a termination.
You would be able to manage if you really want the baby and your h would have to provide financial support to you and his child .

Original poster

Becca2018 · 21/07/2018 17:34

Thanks guys. I needed to hear that. His assholeness is getting worse by the day unfortunately he is now saying he doesn’t think it’s his and will get a DNA test and will take the baby 50% of the time so he doesn’t have to pay. He knows its his and has no treason to think it’s not . Ive never felt so alone befor and I’ve never had to deal with such an asshole, and I’m so worried he will try to ruin my life any way he can if I have the baby.

OP posts:

badgeronabicycle · 21/07/2018 18:49

Sounds like he's trying to frighten you into getting a termination. Do you think it's likely that he'll care for a baby he said he doesn't want 50% of the time?

Penfold007 · 21/07/2018 18:58

Sadly your marriage is over now. Do what you want to do. Do you want to be pregnant by this horrible man and can you face being a single parent? If he was so adamant that he wanted no more children he should have had a vasectomy.

shoeissues · 21/07/2018 18:59

Badger has hit the nail on the head. He's full of it.

Doesn't want another baby because he's too old, but will care for them 50% of the time?

Op I'm sorry you're in this situation but please don't feel pressured by anyone else. His behaviour is awful and extremely manipulative. x

Toohotme · 21/07/2018 19:02

Call his bluff on his threats and act like it’s a good idea but do what you want to do and plan to be alone.

NynaeveSedai · 21/07/2018 19:04

Are you in the U.K.?
There is no way he will get the baby 50% of the time, don't worry.
Definitely don't terminate a pregnancy you want for a man you don't really want.

Starlight345 · 21/07/2018 19:16

I agree with pp . Your marriage is done . If you had an abortion now you would always feel pushed into it.

I think the decision is do you want to have this baby as a Lp. I had my Ds at 36 and left my ex when he was born but still 37 . It is very doable if that’s what you want

rainbowstardrops · 21/07/2018 19:16

So he's too old to have another baby and yet he's threatening you with 50% custody - I'd be throwing that at him right now!!!

You sound as if you feel guilty about the last abortion, so could you really go through another? Do you even want to?

Your marriage is over regardless it would seem.

Do what's in your heart and not in your head and the answer will come to you.

Good luck

Singlenotsingle · 21/07/2018 19:37

How and why does he think he'd be able to look after the baby 50% of the time? He doesn't want it. He wants it aborted. Anyway he's got to work! What an idiot!

kissthealderman · 21/07/2018 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReggieKrayDoYouKnowMyName · 21/07/2018 19:43

If you want the baby then you must keep it. Especially in light of the previous abortion. You’ll cope. I’m sorry your husband is a wanker.

cadiekitten · 21/07/2018 19:58

My heart goes out to you. What a terrible situation to have been put in by your own dh! I don't think he has the right to tell you to just get rid of the baby; he was happy enough to be helping to make it (and you did take an emergency contraceptive which is unfortunately was not effective for pregnancy prevention for you).
Unless I'm mistaken, it takes a man and a woman to get pregnant . He needs to man up and support you not make threats. Don't make decisions you might regret later because you're being bullied into them.

Scarletrose28 · 21/07/2018 20:04

Have the baby. You’ll regret it more if you don’t. Ignore your husband he is just making empty threats.

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