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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Need advice really bad!!

31 replies

Caddy87 · 10/07/2018 18:11

Please help me and please try not judge me I feel bad as it is. I’ve just found out I’m pregnant, I wasn’t aware as periods have never been straight forward. The problem is I’ve had a bottle of wine every night while making dinner! I feel sick to my stomach. I’m coming on 6months. I can’t eat or sleep. I know what effects this can have and my partner says if there is anything wrong it’s me to blame and that he wouldn’t want to know. Which I know is true. It’s my fault but I didn’t know and I am terrified. I don’t have a alcohol issue (yes I know a bottle a night is excessive) and I have stopped but I feel the damage has already been Done im so scared. I had a scan and everything fine but know that doesn’t mean it is. I’m also going for a 4d scan. I really don’t want people to judge me so please don’t comment if so when I’m down already. I really just wanted to know if this has happened to anyone else and what the outcome was just for a little bit of hope x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PotteringAlong · 10/07/2018 18:13

Have you completely stopped drinking now?

Yakadee · 10/07/2018 18:14

What's done is done - You didn't do anything on purpose. If everything was OK at your scan then maybe everything is going to be fine x

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 10/07/2018 18:17

If everything was OK at your scan then maybe everything is going to be fine

Unfortunately it's much too soon to tell this. FAS isn't going to be obvious on a scan in many/most cases as far as I know and if OP has been drinking a bottle a night for six months it is a real risk.

OP, have you been referred to midwives? You need to be honest with them and ask for a referral to discuss the implications and the possibility of your child having Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

Yakadee · 10/07/2018 18:22

I did say maybe? Obviously I don't know and it's early days but I think op was looking for some reassurance. I'm not trying to give false hope, maybe everything will be fine.

I'm sure she'll be telling the mv's etc everything they need to know to try and help / check everything x

peodar · 10/07/2018 18:33

I'd think twice about the 4d scan - most of the private places are absolutely awful with any sort of bad news, speak to your midwife about the best course of action moving forward

WhirlingTurkey · 10/07/2018 18:45

Definitely speak to your midwife about this ASAP, she will be the best first port of call. You need to be honest to ensure you get the best care and advice. You didn't know you were pregnant, so you aren't to blame! If you'd been knowingly drinking a bottle a night then that would be different, but you weren't aware. You have stopped now, which is a good step.
Although a bottle of wine every night is a lot of alcohol, have you spoken to your GP before about how much you drink?

Celebelly · 10/07/2018 18:46

Speak to your midwife and be honest with her. The reality is that it's impossible for anyone here to give you assurances, hard as it is to hear. Your midwife and health professionals should help guide you and tell you next steps. Good luck.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 10/07/2018 19:00

@Yakadee I do know you mean well but I think OP's best course of action now is to get referred to specialists who can help her understand and prepare for the potential implications of having a child significantly affected by alcohol. We are unfortunately not talking about one or two early binges here but months of daily heavy drinking.

Original poster

Caddy87 · 10/07/2018 19:35

My scan showed everything is fine, blood flow to kidneys fine, heart brain spine fine and good weight. I feel physically sick and have been googling fads non stop so I’m aware I won’t know until born. Feel awful. I had cysts and Endrimetriosis (sorry spelling not great) and was priority much told I wouldn’t have children. It was just habit coming home opening a bottle while cooking and having it. Other than that I’m healthy and eat well. I can’t bring myself to tell the midwife I’m too scared

OP posts:

Original poster

Caddy87 · 10/07/2018 19:38

I know the risks I’ve done non stop reading but please if anyone knows anyone who this has happened too please tell me so I have a little bit of hope. I just need that little bit of hope to cling on to. I’m really really disgusted x

OP posts:

WigglyBlossom · 10/07/2018 19:40

The midwife won't judge you and it will be better for your baby so they are prepared at the birth if your baby needs any extra care. Please tell them.

Emma198 · 10/07/2018 19:45

Hearing other stories won't help much. There'll be people who drank loads and baby unaffected, and those who didn't drink that much whose babies were affected. Easier said than done but there's no benefit to you worrying this much about it now. Just be well informed and prepared whatever eventuality.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 10/07/2018 19:50

OP you really really need to tell your midwife and medical team. They can't treat you appropriately if they don't have all the information. They need to know what they're looking for and you need support, now and after the birth. Your pregnancy is a high risk one and they need to know that.

If you can't bring yourself to say the words, maybe show your midwife this thread? Good luck.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 10/07/2018 19:52

Also, that level of drinking will have a profound effect on your health if you keep it up. If its a habit it's one that I would strongly advise that you break. Don't be afraid to seek support from alcohol services if you think you will struggle with that.

PotteringAlong · 10/07/2018 20:50

You really do need to tell your midwife. You were drinking 70 units a week. The NHS advice is no more than 14 units a week even if you’re not pregnant. The reality is that that level of drinking has very possibly caused your baby long term damage and you need to make sure they get the best possible care now. That includes telling your midwife so they can come up with a plan.

You didn’t answer if you have stopped drinking?

WigglyBlossom · 10/07/2018 21:17

She says in her OP that she has stopped.

Blueredhead · 10/07/2018 21:35

I didn't want to read and run. And I'm sorry I have no idea the affects of alcohol usage and the baby. As you know..you won't find out until the baby is born.

But please don't blame yourself. You did not know you were pregnant. Yes you drank and it's really not a good/healthy amount for yourself and as you've said you've stopped. You can not blame yourself. And nor can he! If you were knowingly doing it then that's a different story. You can not change it now. You have to focus on what's to come. The possibility of what's to come. And the best thing you can do for your baby is to be open and honest with your Midwife.

Good luck. Xx

LynetteScavo · 10/07/2018 21:37

The thing is, they cant do controlled tests on actual pregnant women to find out how much alcohol is harmful for obvious reasons.

And babies with FAS probably had mothers who drank even more than you while pregnant, so finding concrete answers will be hard.

I do agree though that you need to be honest with your midwife.

I know woven who probably drank a similar amount to you while pregnant. All professional women with nice life styles. The alcohol they drank while pregnant didn't seem to affect the development of their baby in the womb as far as I can tell...but having a mother that drinks that much does have an affect on a child.

I'm not sure what your partner means, but he sounds like a bit of an arse. Forgive me if I'm wrong.

OnlyBaBaBiss · 10/07/2018 21:41

You have to tell your midwife
Seriously, this could have massive implications and the professionals involved need to know what they’re dealing with
Please please tell your midwife

Also I know you say you don’t have an alcohol problem but whilst you’re drinking a bottle of wine every night I would beg to differ
Your midwife will be able to point you in the direction of help with this too

Oh and PS worrying will do nothing to help either, try to relax, you can’t change the past unfortunately

bobstersmum · 10/07/2018 22:09

No point worrying op. Just tell your midwife what you've told us, you'll have support and care that you and baby need. Hopefully everything will be fine.

Stephisaur · 10/07/2018 22:21

Sorry you’re going through this OP. I hope all is ok. Your scan sounds promising so I have everything crossed for you :)

Your partner sounds like a dick though. He can’t blame you for living your life when you didn’t know you were pregnant. I think you need to have a word with him about how unsupportive he is being right now. Xx

Original poster

Caddy87 · 10/07/2018 23:02

Thank you. Yes I am no longer drinking and taking vitamins. Yes he’s not the most supportive! I’m so worried and know I can’t change it just feel sick with worry. Not only damage my child but my relationship too. Sickens me. I will tell her but I don’t want to look a bad person as I’m not. X

OP posts:

HJL2506 · 11/07/2018 06:31

You need to talk to your midwife and be honest. They've heard it before and will know what to do.

Like a polo has said they will need to know everything for the best tests and car efoinf forward.

You say you're too scared to talk to your midwife but you need to do this for the health of your child. Surely that is enough to make you feel brace to be open?

I'm sure midwives have had women who have drunk a hell of a lot more than you or are actually alcoholics so they won't be judging you as you didn't know and you have stopped.

HJL2506 · 11/07/2018 06:32

Care going forward^

gryffen · 11/07/2018 10:05

As others have said just tell her asap and you will probably find yourself under consultant care anyway since your so late finding out etc - this is actually a good thing as it means extra support is available and will be available if and when needed etc.

Now, you've stopped and your looking after yourself so that's a great start- remember these rules didn't used to exist and we didn't turn out too screwed up and generations of woman drank during pregnancy and smoked etc - lots of the rules are common sense since we may know more about the effects but we can only do so much when we find out.

Your OH is a dick btw.

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