Need advice really bad!!

[Caddy87]

Please help me and please try not judge me I feel bad as it is. I’ve just found out I’m pregnant, I wasn’t aware as periods have never been straight forward. The problem is I’ve had a bottle of wine every night while making dinner! I feel sick to my stomach. I’m coming on 6months. I can’t eat or sleep. I know what effects this can have and my partner says if there is anything wrong it’s me to blame and that he wouldn’t want to know. Which I know is true. It’s my fault but I didn’t know and I am terrified. I don’t have a alcohol issue (yes I know a bottle a night is excessive) and I have stopped but I feel the damage has already been Done im so scared. I had a scan and everything fine but know that doesn’t mean it is. I’m also going for a 4d scan. I really don’t want people to judge me so please don’t comment if so when I’m down already. I really just wanted to know if this has happened to anyone else and what the outcome was just for a little bit of hope x

Thank you I have the midwife tomorrow. I am just a total mess right now. And yes he is being an arse! I’m happy I came on here it was driving myself mad googling things, it’s just so hard to accept the damage I may already done. X

I know a few people who drink a bottle of wine a night! Habit more then anything so I wouldn't worry about that! It's quite usual outside of Mumsnet!!

Defo tell your mw, she will not judge you at all. She will have seen a lot worse. The main thing is is that you've stopped 🙂 If you didn't know you were Pg then what could you have the??

Be honest and she'll arrange more scans, tests etc. Honestly don't worry and stop googling. You can't change what's happened and hopefully you'll have a lovely, healthy baby soon xx

I'm sorry but to the pp all the people you know drinking a bottle of wine per night is not normal at all.

To the op, I'm glad you are facing up to this and telling your midwife. Stay strong.

It's quite usual outside of Mumsnet!!

It's really not.

Where in the world is drinking a bottle of wine a night usual?! It’s really, really not.

my partner says if there is anything wrong it’s me to blame and that he wouldn’t want to know. - this is a massive red flag to me. This is his baby he’s talking about as well, not just yours - his attitude is appalling. You can’t do anything about the past, so I think what you need to focus on is...

1. Letting your midwife know about the alcohol consumption so that proper support and monitoring can be put in place from early on. She’ll realise how remorseful you are and how hard it’ll be to tell her - trust her to do her job and continue to support you and if she doesn’t, ask to see a different midwife who can.

2. seeing this as an opportunity to permanently change your habits around alcohol, which will improve your health and save you shed-loads of money (start putting your wine spends away for the future or for something lovely now, maybe?)

3. talking to your partner and deciding whether he’s able to step up and become decent father/partner material. Would he also “not want to know” if the baby was born with a disability? Would he expect you to leave him with the baby if it inherited a genetic condition from him as that would be “his fault”? How about if your child got brain damage later in life through an accident? I might be getting it wrong but his comment suggests he’s only prepared to parent a “perfect/normal” child. There are no guarantees of that even for pregnancies where women are teetotal and follow all advice from conception. And he might have a leg to stand on ethically if you’d been drinking knowing you were pregnant, but as things are I really don’t think he does.

Anyway. I’m ranting, but I really hope everything turns out well for you and your baby.