What to do if you hate being pregnant..

[Panda368]

So this IG post set me off last night and lead to some ugly ugly crying at about 1am while hiding in the spare room so I didn’t wake my boyfriend. I’m not a crier and in his words “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry like that before” we’ve been together 5 years now so he has quite a lot to go by.

I’m 24 weeks today and I hate being pregnant. Hate it hate it hate it. I’ve not had a bad time, barely had any morning sickness only reciently started showing. Very occasional heartburn etc. Got pregnant within 4 weeks of deciding we were going to stop “avoiding it” which was a shock.

Basically so far it’s been the easiest pregnancy going so I have no excuse but I just cannot bare it. The clostrophia of having my body taken over. Not being able to sleep on my stomach or excersise the way I normally would. Being kicked randomly when I want to be left alone, the massive disgusting boobs. Not being able to work out if I’m fully justified in being upset about something or if it’s hormones. And I feel awful because I can’t summon up even a scrap of the enjoyment this post has. Surely I’m not some lone freak?

And I know some people are so desperate to be pregnant or have such hard pregnancy’s the above sounds like the most entitled whine ever but how is it possible to enjoy this process? Help!

Being pregnant is awful.
People warn you that giving birth is painful but they never tell you that being pregnant can be 9 months of pain, sickness and crippling depression.
Before I was pregnant I was sure I would spend 9 months eating guilt free cake and glowing; actually I spent 9 months vomiting, unable to walk and I had Gestational diabetes so couldn't even eat the cake!
I spent hours planning my suicide for after the baby was still born -I was convinced there was no chance she would be born alive, I didn't bother buying any baby stuff at all because I thought there was no point.

The birth was totally fine, I had an epidural and it didn't even hurt.

The minute she was born it was like a fog lifted, I had so much energy the first few days after she was born (totally healthy) I didn't mind the sleepless nights at all because I felt so much better.

People telling you that you should feel grateful that you can get pregnant have missed the point (and I'm pretty sure it's sexist crap) you wouldn't tell someone that had a broken leg that they should be grateful they have a leg because that would be insane. You are fully entitled to your feelings.

(Having a baby is great, it won't be too long now!)

Nobody tells you that you can’t sleep on your tummy right after either as your hips and everything feel too much out of allighnment. It took me ages to comfortably get on my stomach again.

I'm honestly not scared of labour at the moment. I'm quite looking forward to having something productive to do rather than sitting round slowly inflating!

But maybe it's because October still seems such a long way off!?

There’s no need to be frightened of labour, try and hang onto that. You need a healthy respect for the process because it can be dangerous, but you definitely don’t need to be fearful about the usual worries of pain/embarrassment - I found it was surprisingly manageable because as you say, it felt like I was finally actively doing something and the pain was part of that. And you have loads of options for pain relief if you need it anyway.

Hope things look a bit brighter today, or at least that you feel less alone.

I totally get where you're coming from. We have struggled with infertility for years, and then when I did, by some miracle, fall pregnant I hated every second of it.

From the moment I found out, I was consumed by anxiety about not being in control of my body anymore, but it was dismissed as hormones and 'normal' by everyone. But I think it's ok to not like being pregnant, in the same way it's ok to not like being sick, being unable to move about, being unrelentingly melting in this heatwave etc.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, it's only for nine months and then you never have to do it again if you don't want to.

You are not alone. I've not had hardly any symptoms either, other than a few niggles has been pretty straight forward. I'm getting frustrated about being unable to do things the same as before (like running and heavy lifting etc - it's just not as convenient to wait for other people to do it for you!).
Can't wait for this baby to pop out, but at the same time, I want to have longer to myself before it does!

I was in the same boat, OP. I had an awful pregnancy: I hated gaining weight, the huge boobs and the stretch marks!

I also very much agree with PPs that it makes the newborn phase SO much easier, as you're grateful to just be YOU again even if it's a slightly fatter version.

My labour was also awful, but you're right in not worrying about it, it's completely unavoidable

Yanbu op. Not at all.

I had a reasonably straightforward pregnancy but ds is almost five now and still an only child for a reason. I love him to the ends of the earth and bonded with him even before he was born but I never, ever, in all my life want to be pregnant again. It was truly awful.

I have even gone so far as to say I wouldn't object to having a second child but I would be more willing to adopt than be pregnant again.

The guilt for not loving every second of it is real too.

Antenatal depression is something no one really talks about, but it's massively common. Mine kicked in really early, and I got some really good cbt, but fuck me was it depressing to have everyone treating pregnancy like it was some sort of magical experience when I just wanted to die.
It's so good to hear others felt the same, and to now be at the stage where I can accept and enjoy as much of it as possible

Did anyone else struggle to breastfeed too because of the desire to just have control of your body back and not be restricted in what you could wear /eat where you could go and what you could do etc?

I have found my people

I fucking LOATHE being pregnant. This is number 2, and there's an 8.5 year age gap. That's how long it took my brain to reduce the horror of round one to something I could contemplate facing again.

Hyperemesis arrives with a bang at 5 weeks, no build up just 20 times a day vomiting. That meant I had to leave a really important work trip half way through and fly back across the Atlantic on my own whilst feeling like death. SPD decided to turn up earlier this time too (12 weeks) which means I can't cope with being in the office and am having to work from home all the time which is really isolating. I've had ante-natal depression this time too (which was probably triggered by me going "wtf was I thinking doing this again" and remembering how much I hate it!.

Billywigsting, I didn't BF with the first and I don't plan to this time either. I couldn't even contemplate it - my DH is the main carer for our children from fairly early on anyway so exclusively bfing would be a bit impractical but the reality is that nope, by the time I get to full term I have absolutely had enough and couldn't take any more. I did express a bit so DD was mixed fed (but from bottles only) from day 1, and I'll probably do the same again. I wasn't trying to heavily or exclusively express though so it didn't feel like a huge burden which I know it can be for many. There was also no such thing as a feeding bra in my size after I had DD and I'm even bigger this time! I'm sure some will consider me a selfish moose for not breastfeeding but I honestly couldn't face it and this time round I'm fairly upfront about saying no.

Did anyone else struggle to breastfeed too because of the desire to just have control of your body back

That's what I tried to point out earlier, in that motherhood isn't much different control wise, as you still have your body having demands on it for feeding etc. But everyone thought I was being unhelpful.

I was just being realistic. If you're feeling like this now, motherhood and breastfeeding may not be easy. I was attached to all 3 of mine 24/7 and it is hard work. You can't always hand baby over. Some of us don't have family/friends, some are single mums. So that lack of control over doing what you want, doesn't really end.

But you do get to sleep on your tummy.

And at least HG and SPD get better.

I’m quite relaxed about breastfeeding. I’ll try it but I’m putting myself under no pressure to force it.

I think what I don’t like is the lack of physical control I have over what my body is currently doing, I’m not so bothered about not being able to do what I want so much. I’m just not a fan of this whole expanding business.

I don’t think I’ve ever really had to deal with getting progressively worse at things like excercise and sleeping so it’s just a hard adjustment.
I spoke too soon in my previous post, the heartburn is vicious today.
I’m glad this seems to be becoming a safe place for a really good complain.

I hated it when towards the end of my pregnancy when I was huuuuge, people just used to stare at me whenever I went out.

I now catch myself subconsciously staring at pregnant women now and I have to stop myself. It does make you feel very self conscious when you're waddling around

I am 36 weeks now and have JUST started not getting pregnancy 100% (probably helped by going on mat leave!).

Before now I have absolutely flipping hated it

I did not enjoy pregnancy either. I found 20-30 weeks to be the bit that went the slowest.
I think initially was counting to 12 week scan, then 20 week scan. But after that it feels a long time to wait (especially as you get uncomfortable).
I found at 30 weeks counting down to due date in single figures meant time passed faster.

I really disliked being pregnant. I have this colleague who's super positive about everything and was constantly saying "I loved being pregnant, I felt like I was glowing!. One day I just said "Oh fuck off". Everyone was pretty shocked. It was great.

gluteus see I somewhat disagree.

Just the knowledge that if I wanted to, I could drink a glass or two of wine, eat the brie and wear the turtleneck jumper was enough to make me feel like I wasn't suffocating, despite having a colicky velcro baby.

Motherhood has come far more easily to me than pregnancy (hence the adoption comment) despite the drain on my definitely finite physical and mental resources.

The sheer fact that if I really can't cope I can hand over to someone else dp even if it's just for half an hour makes it much easier imo, than the relentless, itself entirely on the mother 24/7 nature of pregnancy.

The cute smiles and "I love you"s from ds help too mind you. (I didn't enjoy the newborn stage all that much though, I was much too terrified about how I was going to keep this tiny perfect little creature alive when I couldn't even keep a plant alive. Turned out ds is thriving and I'm still rubbish at gardening)

Re breastfeeding, after feeling shit the whole pregnancy I didn't even consider it. I've had enough pain. It's not pc to say but I just love formula! It's completely pain free!

For me I don't think it was the lack of control that was the problem. It was just feeling so much sickness and pain. Now baby is here I'm more than happy to be at his beck and call - so long as I don't have to do it while vomiting and being kicked in the lungs/cervix.

Don’t get me wrong, pregnancy was pure hell for me, and motherhood wins hands down, but it’s still relentless. I can only come from my experiences, and no family/friends to help does mean it’s very demanding. But I do know what you mean about knowing you can if you want to.

I had pre-eclampsia after DS2, beta blockers for 4 months and injections for blood clots. We didn’t have our celebration drinkies for ages after. It felt like an extension of pregnancy with the 24/7 feeding too.

DH has said many times, if it was men that had babies, we’d be childless

I hated pregnancy to the degree that for a while, I considered having a surrogate carry my next child.

I loved the kicks but hated everything else and was worried that I wouldn't bond with my baby.

I'm not going to lie, the first couple of weeks were difficult but when she was 4 weeks old, it was like a switch flipped and I realised how much I cared for her.
She's now 5 months and I'm completely and utterly obsessed with her. She's my everything.

I know you're struggling now and I understand how hard it is but it will all be so worth it!
We're all here to send massive hugs and give you a hand hold xxx

Being pregnant sucks. Everyone knows it but nobody says it. All I can say is there is light at the end of the tunnel. Try to focus on the end point.

That being said, the only thing worse than being pregnant is having a newborn... but after that bit then life is excellent again.

I'd honestly take a newborn over pregnancy any day of the week (and mine was a refluxy PITA to begin with!) - at least once she was out I could hand her to DH/MIL/the cat and be off duty for five minutes.

Can I also just rant for a second about being judged for disliking pregnancy especially by friends who have not had a baby and haven’t been pregnant. I feel constant pressure to say ‘yea I’m good’ when anyone asks how I am. What I really want to say is how awful I feel, how I’m exhausted and haven’t had a nights sleep in months, I can’t roll over in bed without ripping my abs out, I need to pee every 5 minutes, my boobs weigh more than their whole leg, my ribs feel cracked, I’m getting violent kicks in the the cervix while going about my daily business, I’m swollen, hot and fat. I want to scream this at them! But anytime I as much as hint that pregnancy is not the dream that it was for bloomin Sandra or polly, immediately I’m met with lighthearted ‘lol! Not for you eh? Aw it’ll be worth it!’ Or ‘you haven’t long to go just think of the baby’ or the hideous ‘haha what will you be like when the baby gets here if you think it’s hard now!’.
Like - do one! You haven’t been pregnant, you don’t understand and do not judge me! And by the way Sandra and polly probably Hated it too but probably just pretended!
I just want you to say ‘sounds awful- no wonder you hate it’. It makes me so mad 😡

I can't remember how many times I googled I hate being pregnant 😂 I had every symptom going - sickness for 20 weeks, heartburn, piles,could hardly walk etc etc.
DS is 8 months now and I just look at him thinking how did I make this beautiful baby