Rude people!

[sparkles212]

Need to rant! I've been travelling on trains the last two days, very rammed of people of all ages. I'm very clearly pregnant now (bump had popped out of nowhere) and not one person offered their seat. Not just that but people had no issue pushing and shoving me around to get to absolutely nowhere. What is wrong with people?! Even if I'd paid for a reserved seat, I'd offer it up for a pregnant woman in a second. Not much I can do now and I'm happily home and comfy now. Just needed to vent somewhere!!

When I was pregnant and commuting, Surrey to London, I sat in first class, no extra charge, it was something that particular rail network allowed.

Even if I'd paid for a reserved seat, I'd offer it up for a pregnant woman in a second.

Really? Does being pregnant render you incapable of paying to reserve your own seat or should you be above paying for stuff because you’re having a baby?

I remember reading a debate on this recently.. there were differing opinions.

I’d offer my seat if a) physically I felt fine, b) the person was heavily pregnant and c) if I’d not paid for my seat.
However, I get back issues... and at the end if the day they can sometimes be agony. Also, if I’ve paid for a reserved seat it’s because I need to sit.. if that option is there, why wouldn’t a pregnant person use it?

There’s no need for the pushing and shoving though! That’s rude whether you’re pregnant or not. Hope your train travel stint is over now 🤞

I totally understand how you feel. I'm not showing yet as still in first trimester but getting pushed and shoved (pregnant or not) is just hideous on a packed out commuter train/platform. On my way home I now wear the baby on board badge to try and stop people from being too rough with me (get on at the end of the line in the morning so don't put the badge on as always get a seat), I have found most of the time someone is kind enough to offer me a seat which I'm so grateful for as I get really lightheaded and exhausted.

Unfortunately during rush hour I find commuters on trains and the tube don't have any awareness and are only interested in getting to their destination as quickly and comfortably as they possibly can and many just don't consider those around them. It's like the blinkers go on.

@potteringalong lol there is always one om here. I didn't have the option to book a seat when I booked - I'm not an idiot, I would have booked (and paid) given the option. Also, a reserved seat is not something you pay for normally. On a journey like the one I was on it's a free reserved seat if you book well in advance. May I also add that not all the seats were reserved - but people pushed and shoved forward so fast I didn't have a cat in hells chance of getting to them first and I wasn't going to risk me and baby being knocked for it. I'm sorry you're so full of negativity, much like the ignorant people on that train.

@notasgreen I suffer back issues too, have for a good 15 years or so. It comes and goes but having a bad spell at the moment with growing bump. No option for me to book a seat when I booked online which was annoying as when I got on the trains there were seats unreserved on all journeys but people barged me out the way to get to them and I'm hardly in a position to be ruthless :) I checked my journey as if I were going a day later and I could book a seat then free of charge! Unfortunately had to travel beforehand.

@InDreamland I think we're just a very ignorant society nowadays. Well most..some are very nice :) I'm not from London/dont have a need to use trains regularly so dont have a badge. I was just more baffled as to why people feel the need to push and shove past a pregnant woman back and forth desperate to find a seat in a train where there obviously are none...and then the seated people turn away unphased. I'm not saying I should have special privileges but pregnant, elderly or disabled I think people should just tread a bit more carefully.

Back to the car tomorrow thank god! :)

The pushing and shoving is just part of what commuters do, I hate it and find it so unnecessary, it's like all manners are left at home or in the office.

Maybe get yourself a badge just for the times you do need it, I didn't really want to start wearing mine until after the 12 week scan but have found that I've actually needed it and it does make a bit of a difference - well whilst I'm travelling between 4pm and 4:45pm as leaving office early at moment to miss the worst of it, will have to probably brave the 5:30pm-6pm crush soon though as I can't be leaving early for the next 7 months. If you have the badge on and hover around the priority seating area which are in all train carriages hopefully someone will be kind enough to offer you a seat.

I used to commute to Clapham junction every day for work when I was pregnant with my first. I used to do a 10 hour shift and then have to commute home. Very obviously pregnant with a bump that wasn't shy to the world, but not one single soul would offer me their seat so I could rest my feet after standing on them all day and then make my hours commute home. They would just pretend they didn't see me.... I fully understand they had most likely done a whole days work as well, but without he exception of doing a whole days work and carrying a whole other human being inside you!!!!!!

I have to say, I am usually a bit baffled as to why every pregnant woman, regardless of gestation should be given a seat..

Why? It’s not particularly needed, in most cases it’s just nice to sit down... but that’s the same for the woman in heels, or the teenager that’s just had an exam, or the middle aged fella that’s had a headache all day, or the girl having a heavy period.

Other than when things are particularly rough, I don’t see why a pregnant woman deserves a seat any more than the next person really.

I don’t mean to be rude, I just don’t get it.. 🤷🏻‍♀️

My whole point wasnt that I wanted someone's seat... (I said that I would've offered mine up because that's just the sort of person I am). I dont expect it even when I'm really uncomfortable but when I'm noticeably pregnant and people still feel a need to knock into me and repeatedly go back and forth up the aisle constantly doing it when there's clealry nowhere to go...I just don't get it. Just thought it was rude and wanted to vent to likeminded people..not start a debate.

It wasn’t so much in response to your original post.. but rather the responses that seemed to imply seats should always be given up for pregnant women.

I got your point about the general shoving, etc. That’s not ok in any circumstance.

No i agree it's not ok in any circumstance. My biggest pet hate from my commuting days was people pushing on to the train before even letting others off. Why?! The train isn't going anywhere and you've got more chance of getting on comfortably if you let everyone off first 😐

Maybe my train rage today was awakened from those days 😂

When I commuted during my first pregnancy nobody gave up the seat for pregnant/disabled people, not for. Me and my hefty bump or for less able people. I asked a couple of times. I was told to get off if I needed a seat that much (I did, was feeling faint etc). Then I just gave up asking. Took a bus instead a few times. Twice women gave up their seat for me when they realised I was struggling. Twice in 9 months I had much appreciated help. Pffft. Baby badge never helped me on the tube.

Aren't there priority seats on most trains? Or is that just in the South?
Someone should gave given one up for you.
When I was pregnant with DS I just used to ask the people in the priority seats. Well...just kind of blurt out (politely) 'Is there anybody sitting in a priority seat that doesn't need it? As I'm heavily pregnant and need to sit down'. Usually some kind soul would give one up for me.

It is quite sad that it had to come to that and most people would just sit there pretending they didn't see me.

But that's what the priority seats are there for. DH had a slipped disc once and needed an operation. He used to use the priority seats if they were there. He got some horrid looks off people though. As he's a very stocky guy who doesn't really look like there's anything really wrong with him. But he was in constant pain and on heavy meds and just couldn't stand for too long. He had a much longer commute than me bless him.

Sometimes I think that the reason why pregnant people or those less able to stand need a seat is so that there is less chance then of being pushed and shoved on a busy packed train, potentially losing balance and falling over. I do agree that in general pushing and shoving of people pregnant, disabled or not is not acceptable. Every day I travel on the tube I get pushed and shoved but have noticed the few times I have worn the badge that I get given just a little more space by some decent people and I've heard others say the same thing.

Thank god I’m not in London. Being pregnant in my neck of the woods is like being royalty!

Seats on the bus, help with carrying, enquiries to my health... the dog was pulling quite badly one day at the park and a friend insisted on walking us home and taking the dog for me as ‘it wasn’t very far out of her way’... (it was! )

When baby comes we will get lasagnas and cottage pies and pasta bakes from friends of friends of friends and will be returning errand dishes for multiple weeks afterwards!
I’ve had multiple offers of help with school runs if I’m ever feeling unwell, or when I give birth until I get back on my feet!

Thank you for this thread, I’ve been struggling. But writing this post shows me I should be miles more grateful than I am.

This topic always illicits the 'you're pregnant, not ill' brigade or those who claim the 'baby on board' badges are passive aggressive. I guess some pregnant people are entitled pricks (I'd include myself here) and others are strong independent women who don't mind the rough and tumble that comes from commuting in London.

For me at nearly 30 weeks, I can manage standing up in the morning but the weight of everything in the evening is so uncomfortable it can be painful to walk. I do tend to leave work after the mad rush hour though so tend to get a seat.

In order of rudeness I would say London transport goes (from worst to best):

People on the bus
London overground (the orange line)
Normal trains
The tube.

I had my shifts changed at work so I can avoid rush hour. I have always offered my seat up personally but the majority of people are in a world of there own so rather being ignorant might just not have noticed.

My work mate is a great example of that. I said across from her on train and she didn't notice til our stop. Some are just oblivious to there surroundings and even more so hard to notice if on busy trains

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking because if pregnant woman falls and hit the bump it can harm the baby, so it's safer for her to sit down. I'm not even going to mention it's just polite same as offering the seat to elderly person.

A pregnant woman isn’t likely to fall though...? An elderly person, much more likely..

I always offer my seat to elderly people, however... I don’t see the average pregnant woman as that needy. Sometimes you can see someone is struggling, then I’d offer whatever their circumstance, but generally? No need.

Just ask? Don't ask a particular person, as you don't know if they might have a need for the seat, just say loudly to the air 'excuse me, I'm pregnant and need a seat - would anyone be able to give me one?'. I have never had this fail.

Also, how far along is your 'obvious pregnancy'? I thought I was showing loads at 20 weeks, but in pictures it's barely noticeable - I could see the difference, but a stranger certainly couldn't. I found I was suddenly being offered seats all the time once I hit about 28/30 weeks, so that was clearly when I reached 'strangers are sure you're pregnant not fat' zone. I think a lot of women think it's more obvious than it is earlier on - and that's all the more reason to ask.

A pregnant woman isn’t likely to fall though...? An elderly person, much more likely..

Did you not find your centre of balance and gravity shifted and made you a bit unstable? Mine did - and for that reason I could stand much longer on the train (which tends to be fairly smooth) than the bus. On the bus I genuinely feel like I might fall over on corners or with sharp stops. I think some women have it much worse than me, and so would also find this on the train.

I just held on. I take the bus everyday.. and did during both pregnancies. It can be a bit erratic sometimes, but there are poles all over the bus.

What I do find irritating (pregnant or not) is when there is nowhere to sit because people sit on the aisle seat blocking the window seat, or put their bags up on seats purposely to stop anyone sitting down.

I do quite loudly ask in general if someone could move over so I could sit. That to me is the height of rudeness.