Dumbest things your DHs/DPs have said/done during pregnancy

[PirateWeasel]

I can laugh about these now, but honestly...why do men think it's acceptable to poke the bear while we're up to our ears in raging baby hormones? facepalm Do they have a death wish or something??

My DH's latest offerings:

• "I hope the baby doesn't get your hairy feet"
• "I didn't realise your bottom got bigger as well"
• "We should do up the spare room in case your snoring gets worse, so I can go and sleep out there when I need to"

Not to mention many variations on "I'm so tired. While you're up make me a sandwich, will you?"

Go on, please tell me I'm not alone before I render him unconscious. Again.

Gets hay fever and acts like he is dying.. “ I’m in so much pain I’m going to the doctors and going to get referred to the hospital”

“Need to sit and organise my triathlons for the next few months and get training” baby due in two weeks.

“ I’m so tired” - sleeps 10pm-6am flat out and naps for an hour after work...

I was asked by the sonographer to go and empty my bladder before an internal scan. DH said to the sonographer: "do I need to empty my bladder too?"

Doctor told me not to swim because of chemicals, DH asked if he was allowed to go swimming.

DH asked if he could leave the room during my booking in appointment with the midwife as I had my bloods taken because he is squeamish. I told him no.

God is it just me that doesn't find this stuff funny really?

I found my DPs comments funny, but also annoying at the same time. A part of me felt happy he could make me laugh through something as painful as labour, but also I just wished he could be a little serious and sympathetic - just a tiny bit.
Saying that, the midwife came in and told my DP and my DM to 'not just sit there, rub my back through contractions, show her you are there for her'
They just said nope!
She came over to rub my back. I think I threatened her, along the lines of 'touch me again I will rip your arms off'
DP and DM told midwife 'when she is any pain she needs to be left, we know her and know whats best for her, she is fine, its when she wants a hug there is a problem'
Midwife never returned - poor lady
So I could wish for my DP to have been more loving, I may have killed him.

DP says
'' You must be due on your period soon as you're so cranky"

Me "I'm pregnant, I don't have periods!"

I literally couldn't stop laughing. They say the dumbest things at times.

"Great news, we're going to a wedding in Glasgow (from East Anglia) - you'll be 38 weeks, but that's totally cool, right?"

Had the baby at 37 weeks. Spared me having to look like a fun-spoiling meanie when there was no fucking way.

I was having a moan the other day about feeling really huge. He said 'you're not that big, well at least not compared to my friend's wife... it is her fourth though...' Cheers mate.

Mine was brilliant but after covering the whole white bathroom (I mean everything) in exorcist style
Vomit he poked his head around the door and said 'are you not feeling very well?'

“Sshh you’re making so much noise”

As I sang, grunted, hummed and sighed my way through labour.

Think I said go away in a nice calm tone- NOT!

Some of you have some seriously thoughtless partners! Quite like the ear biter though.

Not mine but bil recently. we went to visit when sit was close to her due date, I asked if she'd has any pregnancy cravings as she's eating ice cubes (it was an ironic question)

BIL stands up and chimes in with "No, she is not having any cravings at all because I make her a salad every day so she's getting al the vitamins and nutrients they both need". I had to bite my tongue to stop me from laughing.

and then again when the baby was 2 hours old, we went in to visit and I said how god a baby he was, bil with all his parenting expertise pipes up "yes, hes a very good baby, he doesn't cry at all, im so happy"

I can confirm that karma has kicked his arse for all of us ladies, and the baby cries non stop

Same here.
Midwife - rub her back
Me - don't you dare

"But all the pregnant women I've known before have LOVED EVERY MINUTE of pregnancy"

hahahahahahaaaahahahahahahahhaaaaahahaahahahaaaaaaa

After I'd worked a 14 hour day, including 2 hours of commuting, come home and vomited for an hour... 'I just don't understand why you aren't enjoying pregnancy more?'

Christ this just gets worse.
Not pregnancy but my 'd'p helpfully told me that he'd read on Facebook that it's normal for breastfeeding to hurt a bit...
(Day 3, severe tongue tied baby screamed for 17 hours straight).
Still haven't forgiven him really.

By text, As I was practically crying in he Street after discovering my boobs had ballooned from an E cup to a GG, and that no High Street retailer went that big (and was contemplating enlisting the help of Govan shipyard for maternity bras)

"All right there Thunderjugs?"

Some of these are outrageous!! Do you think on some weird, childish, subconscious level they're jealous that we're doing something difficult and amazing that they can't do and they're trying to minimise the attention we deserve? Or maybe they're just emotionally constipated, lol.

Some of our men suck don't they? I think mine underestimated what a big deal being pregnant is, he is used to me being independent and pretty wilful: I HATE anyone doing anything for me or admitting when I can't do something. Most of pregnancy to be fair has been very straightforward for me so I think he expects me to just be fine like I always am, but these last few weeks have been tougher and I almost don't think he believes me/gets it?
He does always ask 'can I help, what can I help with' but he doesn't seem to have any ability to see things that need doing and just sort them of his own volition. I think he's like a lot of men in that way... plays dumb to avoid extra work and makes jokes that he knows are a little bit close to home.
Overall he's a good guy, and I'm very hard to please to be fair. But less of the 'chubs' comments from him would be great right about now!

Not pregnancy, but my ex started patting my tummy during active labour...apparently it was 'encourage the baby out' 🤔 MW quietly cheered when i said through gritted teeth 'pat me like a dog again & i'm going to bite you like an angry one'

DP this time keeps mentioning kidney stones; SPD is no issue, i've never had kidney stones etc. Said in jest but he has been warned he dares bring up his damn kidney stones during labour & i'm going to drown him 😂

Do you think on some weird, childish, subconscious level they're jealous

My husband said he would love to be able to carry a baby and give birth...

until he saw me go through labour hahahaha

Mine was during labour.

Clanger number one: I was in considerable pain and pushing. "It's so hot in here it's giving me a headache. Babe, have you got any paracetamol for me?" He was genuinely shocked I hadn't considered his potential headache.

Clanger number two: I had a moderate haemorrhage after birth and my placenta didn't deliver easily. "Ugh that looks like something out of Alien and what is all that blood? This is so grim."

When everything was settled he came out with "Did giving birth hurt?" When I replied with a rather crabby yes he continued "Yeah you women are full of it. You didn't need pain relief or anything and I requested paracetamol for my headache so mine was worse." No fucking words.

Needless to say he wasn't at the birth of DC2 and is also an ex.

Before our DD was born I was happily speculating on what traits I would like her/him to have of DH's and asked what he'd like them to have of mine...
Me: I really hope they have your eyes (his eyelashes are ridiculously long and she did get them!)
Him: I really hope they don't have your ankles
that was NOT the game!

I was heading out an evening meeting. My husband told me it was fine, he would just listen to some music with the baby.

He was disappointed when he realised he couldn't hang out with her while I was out.

'Just got the invitation for Simon and Sue's wedding! It's after the baby's born so we'll be able to go, great I can't wait. We deserve to let our hair down after you being pregnant and uncomfortable for so long! I'll buy you a new dress if you like.'

Baby is being born by ELCS early September. Wedding is 15th September and childfree. It's also 4/5 hours drive from home so an overnight stay really. Wedding is 'festival/rave' theme.

Yep, just what I'm going to feel like 10/14 days after major abdominal surgery, plus I'm sure it'll be wonderful to leave my newborn (and potentially unsettled toddler) overnight at less than two weeks old. I think not.

Idiot.

Haha these are sooo funny!
I'm only 14 weeks pregnant and my OH has started already!
I purchased a Doppler and my OH said can I give it a go?
Yeah go on mate!
So I'm lying there on the bed and he's unboxing it, gets the gel out and only starts trying to pull off my pants... I was like wtf are you doing??
.... "well I thought this lube meant this stick thingy goes up your front bum"
.... WHAT THE ACTUAL FU*K MATE!!
😂😂 he's stupidly hilarious!! X

With the caveat that my DP was only 16 and a bit of a dick when I was pregnant....

Continually referred to the baby as "it"

"You'll definitely get your ass back won't you?"

"How long will it take for you to not be fat once the baby's born?"

Worst one of all though....

"Things didn't go well today [he was in court]. I'm going to prison for six years with no parole"