Visitors so soon after birth

[Anon659457]

Hey,

I need a rant and to see if I am over reacting!

I am booked in for a c section on the 27th June and my husband has booked and paid for a hotel for his parents to come and see the baby on the 31st for 2 nights. I know they are excited about the baby coming, but had told my husband that I did not want visitors that soon after giving birth, especially as I will still be recovering. He says it's too late now as everything is arranged and paid for, which has really annoyed me as my family couldn't afford to come and visit me and he told me that we weren't able to help them with hotel costs! I have to wait at least 3 months to see my family, when we are able to travel long distances with baby. His family could easily pay for the hotel themselves, but when I suggested he ask them to either pay it themselves or at least part of it he said no and that was the end of it! I pointed out that of all the people I would want visiting me would be my mum, not his who I hardly know! He said that I was over reacting, but I really think I am not

I understand 100%OP... I had a elcs and my in laws visited 2 days after whilst I was still in hospital.

I wasn't delighted to be honest and just wanted my privacy, but looking back a lot of that was just pregnancy hormones overreacting slightly.

They're excited, but if it really bothers you then put your foot down and tell the ward no visitors. They can and will do this for you if you request ;)

OP that sounds really unfair of your DH. Not only has he disrespected your wishes for more time to recover after the labour, but he has prioritised his family over yours, knowing that it would mean you don't get to see your family for 3 months.

Sorry, I don't have any useful advice but wanted to say you are not over reacting. for you, you could do without the stress at this stage.

I don’t think it is too early personally, but it is incredibly unfair. He has no right to use family funds to pay for a hotel for only one set of parents. He either gives to both or none.

Sounds really soon after the birth to me. Some people wouldn't mind but I definitely would and he should listen to your wishes.

I think parents are the exception really! They're just so excited to meet their new grand child! As long as they're staying in a hotel. Restrict visitors to 1 hour at a time. You get 24 hours a day with your baby. 2 hours for granny to get a cuddle is nothing in the grand scheme of things! You could get a shower, give your arms a rest, have a cuppa and some toast. You won't be expected to do anything!

Are you able to just do as he has done and book something for your mum? He can’t say no to you helping your family then have you pay for his own! That’s not fair. I’d just go ahead and book and if he complains point out his ridiculous double standards.
My bloody MIL turned up at the hospital hours after me giving birth completely unannounced while my OH had gone to get a snack! Similarly to you my parents are far away so couldn’t come for another two weeks. I remember crying to the staff like a baby myself saying “I just want my dad”! (I had been knocked out for an EMCS). Good luck with it.

Errr excuse me but surely there is no 31st June.

Oh op. I think YABU about them visiting you, but then in the context of accommodation being paid for with family money after your side of the family was denied that privilege... oh that’s horrible.

Namethecat 😱🧐🔎

Very impressed!

I don’t think it’s too early but that is very very unfair

Well, invite your family then too and pay for their hotel with family money. Unless your DH has control ver the family money, which then means you have bigger problems.

Eeek same I cried for my mum after my GA c section. DH probably still hasn’t forgiven me

Not too early, but he is an arse.

Stay in hospital for a week. Hospital visits are very short for family.
And pay for your dps to visit..
Fuck him.

He's being a tosser and obviously issues with him taking priority of his parents over yours.

Tell the ward no visitors 😊

Definitely stay in hospital and pay for your parents the week after when you're home.

So you ASK dh if you guys can help pay for your family to visit. He says no.

He TELLS you that you guys are paying for his family to visit.

How soon visits are after birth should not be the focus here. you have what sounds like a very controlling husband at a time when you are most vulnerable He should be part of your team, not dismissing your wishes and telling you how it will be. His wishes seem to override yours. Discussions and joint decisions would be far healthier.

Honestly he doesn't sound nice. Do you have anyone nearby who can support you and be an advocate for you? Or call the NHS Trust where your parents live, book a c section and get on a train.

Poof you, I'd want to see my own mum first too, and you're her child and you'll just have had a major op. I'm sure she'll be just as desperate to see you. But now it's done, you may just have to grin and bear it!🍀💕

I was happy to let my MIL come to the hospital for a visit but I regret it now.
She still 6 months later makes comments like you were so out of it when we came.
Err yes. What do you expect when I had an emergency csection after being in hospital for 5 days with very little sleep eventually having her in the early hours and only 1 hours sleep before she turned up!
Needless to say if we have anymore she won't be invited.

I totally understand wanting your own mum there.
If he can pay for them he can pay for yours too. If he won't then you could always try and stay in hospital longer! X

I don't think it's too early as long as they understand they'll be visiting and not spending all that time with you.

It's not the visitors too soon that I'd be worried about here. The fact that he told you hotels for family was not an option and then booking one for his parents is ringing huge alarm bells.

He is paying for his parents who can afford it themselves anyway but not paying towards your parents???? Wtf is that about? I'd book my family in at the same hotel and pay with joint money. How dare he do that?

I had a planned c-section and was told the day before that my in-laws had taken that day off to 'be in the area in case dh needed them' instead of the day after (what I suggested) and otherwise they couldn't come until baby was 5 days old. I let them in to the hospital in the evening and it was fine but I wasn't too happy about it. I still had a catheter in etc.

I would be more than happy to have parents round on day 4.

He won't allow paying for your parents but will for his? WTF? Have I missed something here?

Also, who is going through pregnancy and childbirth here? You or him? Who needs the moat support? The new mum/mum to be usually ......therefore if you want your parents rather than his there if he loves and respects you then your wishes should be the priority.

Hmmmmmm. Your DH is not hitting the right notes I'm afraid.

I have to agree with @SherbertLemon2011.

I don't particularly like my inlaws but I wouldn't begrudge them meeting their grandchild 4 days later. I thought you were going to say they were going to visit in the first hour!

Agree with others that the bigger issue is that your husband is using money to pay for his family to stay but refusing to pay for yours. Has he always been this controlling? I don't see the problem in paying for your mum to visit.