When are you planning on allowing visitors?

[coralpetals]

I'm really not sure what to do and am feeling huge pressure off of everyone already, apart from DH who would happily say no to any visitors for the first 2 weeks.

It's my second baby but first c section and I'm not sure how I'll feel having just had surgery with a catheter hanging out of me! We didn't see anyone for a week last time after I just got out of hospital (horrific birth) and our parents are still bitter about it.

The other thing that's bothering me is that we've been told our baby will likely need surgery at 2-4 weeks old, depending on how things go so I'm scared baby will get sick from visitors also before the op. Also I want to try and rest as much as possible because I'm not sure how much rest I'll get on a hospital ward with my newborn.

What are you planning to do? Would it be horrible of me to leave it a couple of weeks before seeing anyone?

Not planning on telling anyone I'm in labour ; won't call family until 12-24hrs after baby arrives. Told DH I want at least 2 days just us and baby; & preferably no visitors until my milk comes in and feeding established. Think/hope they (my PIL / my mum) will respect that! My dad lives abroad so no issue there.

I did not even let my own mother in the hospital let alone random other relatives! Could not have coped with it at all.... thankfully my mother was very understanding and waited until I was ready to see me and she and my dad were great making me food and drinks etc when they were there in the end.
Cant understand why anyone would want to force themselves on a new mother who was not yet in a fit state to want to see anyone! Thats so awful.... wait until you are invited because everyones labour is different and some women can have a very very hard time and really not be up for seeing anyone for weeks afterwards.. you just dont know... people getting offended because they cant see the baby immediately are the worst types of people!

Interestingly at my booking appointment yesterday I asked the midwife about banning visitors from seeing me and baby at the hospital add only want DH with us in those first precious hours and days unless I suddenly want my mum, as a FTM I have no idea what to expect butI did like my privacy and dignity intact. The midwife totally agreed with me and said that its perfectly natural to want the first 2 weeks to just be me DH and new baby when trying to bond as a family, heal and rest from the birth and establish breastfeeding. Made me feel so much better about how I feel. At the end of the day that's how I feel at the moment but until the time comes who knows .......I know though my sister and parents will bring food and help make drinks and clean up.

I would be incredibly hurt if my DD did not allow me to see her baby for two weeks. Anyway I doubt she would do that. When I go to their house after the birth I will be doing everything possible to her and letting her rest or sleep and I’m sure the other grandparents will be doing the same.

I remember wanting to show my baby off and can’t imagine my DD will be any different.

@deste I think people with your attitude are part of the problem. How many times does your post say 'I'? It's not all about you.

'I would be incredibly hurt' - well the last thing any new mother needs when they're sore, exhausted, trying to get to grips with feeding etc is their own mother laying guilt trips on them. Sadly, it's all too common.

If your daughter feels like you did then great. But making her feel bad if she doesn't and actually just wants to be left alone for a while is a really shitty thing to do.

@deste it's great if grandparents/family do rally around and help/support by cleaning, cooking etc but some don't and are more interested in what they want which is being waited on by the new parents whilst they have baby cuddles and make unhelpful and inappropriate/upsetting remarks and overstaying their welcome (if they were even welcone in the first place) whilst the new mother is exhausted, healing, emotional and trying to get to grips with a new person in their life etc etc........that is what i want to avoid.

Every family set up is different and relationships differ. Every new mum and dad should do what feels right for them and not feel forced to have people round when they don't want them and only have those they do want and need.

It is quite baffling the sense of entitlement people feel, as a parent surely the wishes of your child who has gone through labour and needs to recover are more important than your 'need' to see the baby, your feelings don't trump her needs. It's also not support if it's not wanted or needed, for some people, guests descending on their home and trying to take over the running over the house feels less like help and more like taking over.

It depends on how close you are to your DD. I know mine would never do that and I would be hurt. She is able to tell me enough is enough and I would leave her alone. I do a lot to help her as it is and I know she will want my help. I would not be going in and taking over either It has nothing to do with a sense of entitlement and my feelings trumping her needs. She knows we are as excited as she is and she knows she could ask me to do anything and I would do it. She is not scared to tell me what she thinks either so I will know exactly what she needs and wants.