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Original poster

Husband almost fainting at ultrasound/ midwife appointments

53 replies

Rose459 · 06/06/2018 16:25

Bit of an odd one but I wonder if any of you have any experiences of this.

My husband is lovely, very supportive and we are so excited to welcome our baby girl in July.

Problem is, he has this fear/ panic attack situation in medical settings. It has happened when they’re explaining procedures. When they said I had a cyst at an ultrasound and also when we did my birth plan- she was explaining epidurals etc. so not even seeing any blood. He’ll go as white as a sheet and then need to lie down! Kind of hijacking my appointment (he feels really bad about it though!)

I know it’s not his fault but it is fraustrating. After all this is something that is going to happen to me and I don’t want to have to deal with his issues when I’m in labour. I’m worried about how supportive he’s actually going to be able to be.

We’ve done NCT and he coped with most of that. But it seems like we’re back to square one now.

Anyone’s OH the same?

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mumofmunchkin · 06/06/2018 16:29

I've not got any experience of that, but would say, you do need to know you've got someone with you during labour who will be able to support you. Is there someone else who could come as well - a close friend, your mum for example, so that if your husband is struggling to give you the support you need during labour there is someone there who can?

PaddyF0dder · 06/06/2018 16:30

Yikes.

Nothing personal to contribute, but he needs to work on his anxiety levels.

Practice slow breathing techniques with him every day, in a relaxed environment. Give it loads of time, so he’s good at it when he needs it. Maybe supplament it with muscle relaxation, or distraction, or whatever.

When you’ve cracked the slow breathing, start desensitising him to the pregnancy stuff.

Maybe start with textbook diagrams of babies in the womb. While breathing slowly.

Move up to more anatomical pictures of foetuses/pregnancy/birth. While breathing slowly.

Move on to quick snatches of shoes like One Born Every Minute. All the whole practicing the slow breathing.

That’s pretty basic desensitisation like you’d do for any phobia. Needs to be done though, before the end of pregnancy.

BluePheasant · 06/06/2018 16:34

Given that you haven’t got long left to go I’d say it’s cutting it fine for him to be to work through this but worth a try nonetheless. Some people do react like this to anything medical, I’ve known people not even be able to watch ultrasounds as it makes them feel funny.

I think it would be wise to get yourself a back up birth partner tbh!

cestlavielife · 06/06/2018 16:36

The birth you can get someone else to support but he needs to see gp about his anxiety or phobias...what happens when baby or child falls and there is blood or vomit ?

Keeptrudging · 06/06/2018 16:39

What about him getting Dr to prescribe some short term anti anxiety meds? I had friends who got betablockers just to use in exams (years ago, so maybe there's something better)?

gamerchick · 06/06/2018 16:39

You need to think about the birth. You WILL need someone there who can support you and advocate for you if you need it. You won't be able to care for him and neither will the staff there to look after you.

Tell him he's not allowed to be there unless he actively deals with this now. It's not the time to just 'be brave' and sort out another birth partner.

Original poster
Rose459 · 06/06/2018 16:39

Thank you.

There isn’t anyone else I would have with me. I think I’d rather it were just me and the midwife if he had to step out.

I’m hoping it’s the lead up to it that is bothering him.. and in the moment it will all be okay. I don’t want to get upset/ annoyed with him and end up kicking him out the room!

Will get him watching birth vids ASAP and find the most graphic ones possible.

OP posts:
ApocalypseNowt · 06/06/2018 16:39

My DH went white and wibbly when they took my blood pressure at a mw appointment. He had to be helped by the student midwife as he was on the verge of fainting.

It was at that point I asked my best friend to be a second birth partner. As it turned out DH was fine on the day and even came into theatre when it ended up as an EMCS!

Polyannah · 06/06/2018 16:40

To be fair to him I had 4 children of my own when I was a birth partner to my sister.

I was fine at my own births but seeing her get an episiotomy made me almost faint. A doctor had to take me outside Blush

I think you might have to have a 2nd person there to support you.

Keeptrudging · 06/06/2018 16:40
  • just for during the birth, once you go into labour as a 'quick fix given short time left.
Original poster
Rose459 · 06/06/2018 16:41

Blood etc. he is okay with but it’s describing medical procedures that seems to set him off..

It does worry me though if our child were to have some health condition. How would he deal with the appointments?

OP posts:
Theweasleytwins · 06/06/2018 16:43

My dh likes to tell everyone taking my blood that he too is scared of needles. That doesn't make me feel any better, just makes me want to poke him with a needle

He was in the room while I had my c section- he almost fainted

cestlavielife · 06/06/2018 16:43

Exactly. He needs to get this sorted. He may need to take child for stitches or tests

PaddyF0dder · 06/06/2018 16:45

Don’t launch him straight into the gory birth videos. Not if he’s even struggling with ultrasounds right now! Work him up slowly. Diagrams and descriptions, then photos, yadda yadda.

Lululota · 06/06/2018 16:45

I think it's possible he won't get over the phobia easily. I've a super queasy but lovely DH.
The odd occasion he did make it to my appointments he looked dreadful but I guess he felt obligated
He past out entering the theatre when I had my first (c-section) and ended up in elsewhere in the hospital getting stitches.
I didn't ask him to come the next time.

harrietm87 · 06/06/2018 16:46

OP my DH was EXACTLY the same - he fainted when I had an internal scan at 7 weeks.

I planned to have my mum at the birth (as well as him) to take the pressure off him a bit and to ensure there would be someone there for me if he did faint/have to leave. As pps said we also watched a lot of OBEM and NCT was fine.

In the end my labour was too quick (3 hours - first baby!) for my mum to get here but DH was fine! I was lucky in that I had a natural birth in the water with just gas and air so it was very "unmedical". Also because it was so quick DH almost didn't have time to get worked up and the adrenaline got him through.

I think if you know you'd be fine with just a midwife (I completely zoned out so would have been fine alone!) then don't worry - he can step out if he needs to.

4GreenApples · 06/06/2018 16:48

Agree he needs to try and get some help to overcome this.

Many, many children need medical treatment occasionally due to accidents or illness, even if they’re usually healthy.

Bestbe · 06/06/2018 16:48

My husband had to be given a chair at my first birth because he almost fainted. He was ok after that and for the other kids.
My daughter has taken after him and will faint at all kinds of medical things so we avoid them at all cost and all her teachers are aware. If you are that sort of person there is very little you can do about it. I’ve even been to speak to the dr about it and they agreed it was best she avoided certain situations.
My dad didn’t come to my birth and I’m very close to him. I wonder if it’s best of you get someone else to come with you. He won’t be much help and maybe he could stay close so he can come in and see the baby ASAP.
My daughter first fainted when she was 4 at her pre school booster. It’s a physiological thing and I think that makes it really hard.
There is so much more to being a good parent that the birth part... I know that sounds nuts but it’s true.
I hope the rest of the pregnancy goes well and congratulations xx

Original poster
Rose459 · 06/06/2018 16:50

Thanks Harriet!

I generally do quite well by myself so I think I’d be okay if he had to leave to collect himself. He is getting better at recovering from it- eating sweets or having a sugary drink then back to normal in 10 minutes. I’m hoping the adrenaline will kick in. If I had to have a c section I think he’d be a nightmare and I’d probably consider making him wait outside!

OP posts:
Bluebirdsky · 06/06/2018 16:50

How awful for both of you. I think at this stage and if there is no one else you want in with you the best thing you can do is be very clear with him about what you want him to do if he feels unwell whilst you are in labour i.e you would prefer him to leave the room and go to get some air etc. Leaving you with the midwife rather than try to stay and end up fainting in the room.
As you said he may well be fine in the actual situation but best to make the midwife aware of the situation as soon as you arrive and have a clear plan with him so that he knows what to do for the best.

Bestbe · 06/06/2018 16:50

Meant to say that when I was very pregnant with my third my eldest child had to go into hospital. My husband stayed with her and was fine. He was ok with her and coped really well.

MrsJayy · 06/06/2018 16:52

My Dh stayed up top end he didn't look he is squeamish not to the point he was near fainting if he was like that I wouldn't have him in the delivery room, this is your husbands issue that he needs to get a hold of however I do think midwives will have dealt with a lot of partners like this and have no time to pander to them soif your husband needs to leave he leaves.

HollowTalk · 06/06/2018 16:53

My XH fainted when he saw the big metal bucket at the end of the bed when we had a walk around the labour ward. Grin

He was perfectly fine at the business end of a high forceps, just gas and air birth, though and was heard (once) saying the birth had been quite easy.

MrsJayy · 06/06/2018 17:00

My husband told everybody how exhausted he was he sat in a blooming chair holding my hand most of the time

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 06/06/2018 17:03

Get your husband out of labour room. he will not be helpful. You need someone with stamina...

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