Husband almost fainting at ultrasound/ midwife appointments

[Rose459]

Bit of an odd one but I wonder if any of you have any experiences of this.

My husband is lovely, very supportive and we are so excited to welcome our baby girl in July.

Problem is, he has this fear/ panic attack situation in medical settings. It has happened when they’re explaining procedures. When they said I had a cyst at an ultrasound and also when we did my birth plan- she was explaining epidurals etc. so not even seeing any blood. He’ll go as white as a sheet and then need to lie down! Kind of hijacking my appointment (he feels really bad about it though!)

I know it’s not his fault but it is fraustrating. After all this is something that is going to happen to me and I don’t want to have to deal with his issues when I’m in labour. I’m worried about how supportive he’s actually going to be able to be.

We’ve done NCT and he coped with most of that. But it seems like we’re back to square one now.

Anyone’s OH the same?

He looks after me so well generally. So I hope he will find a way to cope. He already feels bad about this and wants to support me so I don’t want to say he can’t be there!

I’ll let the midwife know the situation and explain to him if he starts to feel unwell he needs to leave discreetly and return when he’s back to normal.

I wouldn't worry about having back up, but I'd have a serious chat beforehand that if he's not coping, he needs to leave the room and not cause any drama. I always felt perfectly happy being left with the midwives and with our 2nd and 3rd, I only got them to ring him when I was close to delivering.

I felt incredibly sorry for my DH, he was mocked ruthlessly by the NCT woman for going ashen during the birth video. He isn’t particularly gore/medical phobic, but everything about birth had a massively adverse effect in him. The pressure on him to man up was really unhelpful and counter-productive.

I actually couldn’t see why DH even had to be there, it doesn’t make him any less of a father. It doesnt impact at all his ability to be a great parent. He was more able to make rational decisions when things got serious having not been sitting there dealing with fainting or being sick.

My friends husband didn’t attend any of their dc births. It was agreed by them in advance, as he was also squeamish. All births went very well and this arrangement suited them both. It’s not mandatory for the Dh to be present.

Because I am an idiot DH missed the birth of DS. My oldest male friend consoled me by saying "Well, it's required of us these days, but to be honest I'd rather have been out in the corridor with a cigar."
He doesn't have to do it.
I'm kind of wondering what would happen if my brother ever ends up in that situation. He's so squeamish that he faints when he sees someone else fainting.

TSS I agree that’s why I’m not going to take the approach telling him to ‘man up’. It’s a physical thing he can’t help. I had a similar thing at NCT where I had to leave the room so I can recognise it’s not his fault.

He wants to be at the birth and I want him there too. At least I know I have the midwifes- every one I have met so far has been great.

Another one here with a delicate DH who was fine on the day! He can't even hear words like "veins" or "blood" without going faint. I was quite worried with DC1, and had my mum down as a backup birth partner. In the end, DH was fine.

DC2 I was a bit more confident, but still concerned... in the event, she arrived very fast, 5 weeks early, into DH's hands! He was fine, despite blood splashing everywhere and it just being the two of us in the room!

OTOH, a friend of mine who's a police officer, and used to seeing all sorts, came very close to fainting during his wife's labour. You can't always predict these things!

If there's no one else you want there, then just make a deal that your DH will step out if he feels faint. You'll be fine with just the midwife.

I would recommend an alternative birth partner even if you dont feel you want one. In case anything goes wrong. I was completely out of it most of my labour had no idea what was going on half the time and my husband was my eyes and ears. I ended up having an emergency csection and I couldn't have gone through it alone my husband was invaluable. And even he was heaving in theatre afterwards 😂

My partner was always anxious at appointments especially scans, not quiet to the extent of your husband though. When I was in labour he was surprisingly brilliant and a great support.

Recalls H hitting the floor like a felled tree during my 2nd C-Sec and me saying: 'just step over him, i am having a baaaaaaby'
Obvs he couldnt help it but then of course they fussed over him till he was up to holding the baby first which was rather irritating...
Good Luck!

I didnt make him be there btw. he wanted to be...

You could hire a doula to help you and take the pressure off him.

I really think he needs to access some support to help him to deal with this sooner rather than later. Not just in order to support you through labour and birth but throughout your child’s upbringing for the inevitable bumps and scrapes which require trips to hospital.

I think there is a type of syncope that is triggered by strong emotions/shocks etc- it's basically an overreaction of the body (vasovagal nerve) to certain triggers - it may be that? I think there is useful information on this website

www.heartrhythmalliance.org/stars/uk/

Ignore this if it isn't relevant, but thought I'd mention it if it might help.

yes I was going to mention that - google vasovagal syncope, and it gives an idea of why it happens (the fainting when seeing/discussing blood etc).

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/brain-babble/201302/why-do-some-people-faint-the-sight-blood

There might be some sites that will give ideas on how to get over the anxiety of it - but it might be helpful to know that it's not simply a 'pull yourself together' sort of situation, but the body over-reacting to an emotional trigger.

I think I would request that he has a chair and is seated for all appointments/the labour. And maybe request that he not be present for important discussions (bit odd, but means you can concentrate).

OP just to say that my DH didn't attend any appointments with me other than scans. My hospital actively discouraged partners from attending midwife appts and I didn't see the need. If he gets stressed out attending then just don't bring him.

It will depend on your labour obviously but a lot of people I know found that they did just kind of go into themselves and tune everything else out, so you might not even notice if he has to step out for a moment. Agree with the pp who said you should let the midwives know and decide in advance if he should try to leave the room if he feels faint or just sit in a corner or whatever.

Good luck!

Thanks everyone.

He hasn’t actually been attending midwife appointments because they’re so quick usually. It was just the birth plan one he came to.

I’m nervous enough without him adding to the stress so gong to check out some of those sites and see what we can do to prepare. :)

I couldn’t see myself getting a Doula, I can just about bear the idea of a midwife. I’m such a private person I don’t even want family visiting until I get home.

Speak to the midwives.

My DH has ptsd relating to a hospital experience. I had his sister as a back up for a vbac turned emcs with dc2, but he was okay in the end with the midwives support.

For dc3 which was going to be a tricky c section the midwife knew and really looked after him so he could support me and look after ds afterwards (I was too poorly).

My DH is massively squeamish but did fine at my birth - he stayed up the top end and didn't cut the cord or anything but didn't keel over. If I'd needed an epidural or anything he'd have left the room.

I'm an anaesthetist and occasionally have dads fainting when I'm putting in an epidural/spinal. If I spot them beforehand I am quite bossy about getting them either sat down or out of the room!

Hi OP,
DP is exactly the same. We had a miscarriage in December and he was green, sliding down the wall in the hospital while they took my blood. We have 12 weeks until baby comes and I’ve decided he will just be a spare part in the room until he passes out however when he comes back round and has it out of his system I am hoping he will be helpful.

I was a bit like this. Couldn’t even watch ER when it first came out.

Sit him through Grey’s anatomy or similar to desensitise.

He can watch loads of horror movies/ really gory violent stuff but for some reason being in a medical setting describing a procedure sets him off. It’s not blood as such. When he went for his wisdom tooth removal and they were prepping him/ explaining what would happen he fainted.

No, that's why I'm suggesting a medical drama with a lot of doctor-y stuff and instruments.

Your DH sounds a bit like me - I’m a terrible fainter and often it is actually the description rather than the thing itself that is worse. For example, I once had to lie down on the kitchen floor of someone I barely know when she started describing her grandson’s ingrowing toenail! I would get in a total state about doctor/dentist/hospital visits and it was becoming a real issue. I was able to get CBT on the NHS and was diagnosed with Blood Injection Injury Phobia (BII). It’s different from most phobias because instead of your breathing, heart rate and BP going up as the adrenaline surges (classic panic attack) you reach a point where your BP drops (vasovagal syncope), hence you faint. It’s quite common (estimated at least 4% of the population), but it can be hideous and embarrassing and for years I felt so ashamed about it which didn’t help.

The CBT I had included exposure therapy, which builds up gradually from pictures to videos etc as some people have mentioned. You can do this yourself but you do have to be careful because if you try to do it too fast it can backfire and set you back.

In the long term I would suggest your DH see his GP and see if he could get some therapy to help - I found this really helpful and can now tolerate blood tests (I won’t lie - I still sweat and feel fear, but I can cope and I don’t lose sleep over them like I used to) and I managed to get through IVF without fainting. But in the short term maybe reading about it and understanding that he’s not alone and that there are techniques that can help would be a good thing. The most useful practical technique I learnt is called applied tension, which is a method of keeping your BP up and stopping you from fainting. You have to practice it and also you have to make sure you do it before you actually get properly faint, but if I find myself feeling a bit sweaty and clammy I can do it and it does help me. Details here (I know this is about needles but it’s the same principle): www.kcl.ac.uk/ioppn/depts/pm/research/imparts/Quick-links/Self-Help-Materials/Needle-Phobia.pdf

As other people have said, lots of men (and women) get fainty around medical situations. But often when it really comes to it they manage just fine and the chances are he will. I’ve taken several kids to A&E and been first on the scene at a car crash with oodles of blood, and both times I kept my head and did the right things, so it’s surprising what you can do in the heat of the moment when your focus is on helping someone else. But if he does feel faint, so what? You’re aware it might happen so tell the midwife upfront, make sure he’s got a chair handy (or can lie down if need be) if he needs to get himself together. And plenty of food and drinks handy to stave it off or help with recovery. It’s not fun and it can be inconvenient but he will recover.

If you’re able to, it’s also really good to find a way to laugh about it. My partner says I’m like a fainting goat (google it if you haven’t seen it before) and we marvel at my ability to produce sweat at the mere sight of a sharps box. Being able to be honest with him about how I feel and having him accept me and all of (what I see as) my ridiculousness has helped so much.

I’m sure you and your DH will find a way through this together. Wishing you all the very best for a good shared birth experience and the joy of meeting your daughter