AIBU- dont mum at birth because of weight issues

[Maedoula]

For a long time my mum has always criticised my weight. I've had pcos since early 20s and insulin resistance, this has made it quite a struggle to loose weight.

When my husband and I went through a separation all she did was link it to my looks and weight and it was therefore my fault. She kept me away from seeing her side of the family most of the time (they live quite far away) and everytime she would go there to visit she wouldn't tell me and one day I confronted her and asked her if it was about my weight, she said yes.

Now I'm pregnant and of course everyone wants their mum at their birth, but because of her constant criticism about my weight over the past few years, I don't feel comfortable of the idea of having her there. It's a time where I'm going to be very exposed and when I was thinking about the birth scenarios in my head, I was actually planning certain things to wear so I wouldn't be so exposed in front of her. Then it dawned on me that this is a time I need to be selfish...?

I would have rather have walked through a field of cactus liberally dousing myself in lemon juice before I would have my mother at my births

Or my mil

To be fair Exdh was a tad touch and go on occasion

Child birth is about you and the baby ...whatever is safe and comfortable to you

Trust me you are smart for planning for her not to be there....mine would have commented on my weight interspersing it with suggestions to cover up so I wasn't being indelicate whilst she was texting my Dsis and scoffing digestive ....shudder

Only person I know who had their mum was a very young mum.

Lord no. My mother at the birth? Can’t think of anything worse. I’d rather have a random off the street or gone it totally alone.

Even after the birth she was a pita. She focuses on the wrong stuff. Instead of helping pick up the baby and getting me stuff she’s asking if my section wound is “right” because i have a typical overhang rather than a flat stomach. Saying i look bloated and asking the nurses if they can get me something for it. Earwigging on everyone elses conversations and commenting. Ooh that’s a nice name, why don’t you call him that? Obsessing over getting me a private room.

Keep her well away.

It is your body, your birth, you should set yourself up for success and have the most supportive person/people by your side.

Also your mum doesn’t sound like a very nice person. Judging anyone on their body shape is hideous, but your own daughter?! Next level fuckery.

I definitely wouldn’t have wanted my mum there. And she actually asked me not to tell her when I was in labour, only when baby was born. I think this is because as my mum she didn’t want to know I was in pain. She would have been useless and we just don’t have that kind of relationship. I definitely wouldn’t want my mother looking down there either!

*I would have rather have walked through a field of cactus liberally dousing myself in lemon juice before I would have my mother at my births

Or my mil*

I can't put it any better than this. So I'm not even going to try.

Jesus - why on earth would anyone want their mum there when they're giving birth???! Can't think of a better way to put it myself.....!
Yup me too
If DH had been on detachment I would have asked my sister.

100% wouldn’t have wanted my mum at my births. See her all the time but not then, felt strongly it was just for me and dh to be there (and midwives of course).

This is definitely a time to be selfish, it’s really all about you and the baby and what’s best for you, definitely don’t let your Mum be there as it sounds like she will make you feel uncomfortable (and she doesn’t sound very nice).

I love my mum and I think she’d be a great birth partner for someone. But no way on this planet would I want her there whilst I was giving birth. I didn’t need her help to get the baby in there!!

Seriously you decide who you want, you tell people and that’s that. No one else gets an opinion on who gets to be there- you’re the one giving birth and you’re the one who chooses!

If I had had a choice of giving birth in the middle of Picadilly Circus or having my mum at my birth, I'd have been hotfooting it onto the tube. I can't imagine anything worse, especially if she's so unsupportive of you. You don't need to have anyone you want at the birth.

My mum is generally a good egg and I like her company but I was nearly forced to poke her in the eye last week when I was trying to reverse into a tight parking space and she chipped in with her helpful observations on the matter. She is one of the last people of my acquaintance I want in the room with me when I give birth.

Actually, now I'm pondering the subject I think if it came down to it I'd rather have my Dad! At least he's have the good grace to shut up and hide behind a newspaper. Sorry your mum is how she is. You need to go with whatever option makes you feel the most comfortable and in control and having you mum there doesn't sound compatible with that

I'm sorry op, I also don't know anyone who wanted their mum at the birth, very commonly it's the father. The question is why do you want yours there when she behaves as judgementally as she does?

As said, it's far from the norm to want your mother there. Don't feel you should. Especially based on how she behaves, you're not a kid anymore.

Actually, the only people I know who have had their mum at their births did ao because the mum insisted on being there and they didn’t have the strength to say no.

One male friend had his partners mum there and he said it completely spoiled the experience for him- she was all but pushing ham out of the way and saying he couldn't possibly help, he didn’t understand etc what with being male. He said he might has well have been told to go outside and have the cigars ready.

I didn’t even tell my mum I was in labour. I phoned her after DD was born.

and of course everyone wants their mum at their birth no they don't. No one wants anyone who won't be anything but 100% helpful and supportive there. Tell her to do one.

And same as MonkeyBrainsInPickle I didn't even tell my mum when I went in to labour. I will this time though as I'll need her to have DC1, but that's the only reason.

They really don't all want mum at the birth! I get on fine with mine but I've already told her I only want DH there, in all honesty if it didn't feel completely horrible to him I'd probably want to do it with just midwife etc. Yours sounds really mean, don't have someone there who will make you feel uncomfortable.

You have who you want there - You need to feel comfortable and safe.

I am against the grain and had my mum at both my births so far (Third on route).

Mainly as I had complicated pregnancies / inductions is my mum is a midwife with 35+ years midwifery experience mainly in labour ward so she was a huge source of support to not only me but my husband. (She was always head end haha and strictly there as 'mum')

Everyone's situation is different and people make decisions for their own reasons.

Make your own decision and be pressured into anything.