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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Do I have a termination??

43 replies

TodaysMostPopular · 29/05/2018 13:22

Absolutely do not want one. Although not planned in the slightest, it is a very much wanted baby.

I met the father 6 weeks ago. Since finding out I'm pregnant, new info has come to light and I'm completely questioning him and his character.

Il be honest, he scares me.

But I don't want to get rid of a baby just to get rid of him Sad

OP posts:
LiitleAce · 29/05/2018 13:32

If you absolutely don't want one then you absolutely shouldn't get one.

I think you're reasonable in saying get rid of him, plenty of people go it alone and are wonderful parents Smile

Stephisaur · 29/05/2018 13:59

You can keep the baby but still get rid of him.

Don't feel pressured into something you don't want to do Flowers

Original poster
TodaysMostPopular · 29/05/2018 14:03

I'm trying to get rid of him with no success Sad

OP posts:
freezerfoodyum · 29/05/2018 14:05

Personally op I would not have a baby with an abusive man if I could possibly avoid it, the danger to myself and the little one would be too great.

But only you can make the decision. Are you being abused? If so please contact women's aid or the police Flowers

Flamingosnbears · 29/05/2018 14:12

I agree, don't get one of you don't want to you'll regret it. Tricky getting rid of him if he's the baby's daddy though, you could try cutting him off and if he scares you talk to the police on 101 number to get advice they may recommend a restraining order.

Original poster
TodaysMostPopular · 29/05/2018 14:15

Only now are my eyes opening.

I'm seeing it all for what it really is.

He's not violent but he seems to be nice one minute and the next telling me I'm a horrible person and I've messed him around.

OP posts:
MyOtherUserNameIsAUnicorn · 29/05/2018 14:20

Ditch him, don't tell him you're pregnant. Do not whatever you do put his name near a birth certificate!

Original poster
TodaysMostPopular · 29/05/2018 14:24

He knows about the pregnancy, I called him out of shock.

Wtf do I do now??

OP posts:
Wildlingofthewest · 29/05/2018 14:28

You can do whatever you want to do.

If you don’t want him around you don’t have to put up with him. Tell him firmly that it’s over, your not interested in any further romantic relationship with him, that you will
Contact him only regarding what you plan to do regarding that pregnancy and that’s it.
If he is pestering you then you call the police. You do not have to put up with him - baby or no baby. Please don’t let him trap you.

Having a baby on your own won’t be easy but if you want to then you will find a way to manage. Do you have family who can support you in your decision?

barleyfive · 29/05/2018 14:32

Do you have anyone you can talk to TMP? So sorry that you are going through this, I was in a similar situation and was ashamed (which is ridiculous) so didn't talk to anyone or get the support needed. It is such a tricky situation, but you need to think of you and what would make you happy; I am 100% pro-choice but a termination is a huge decision to make and have to live with if you are not completely sure and behind your decision. What do you mean when you say you have tried to get rid of him with no success?

Original poster
TodaysMostPopular · 29/05/2018 14:37

I'm so ashamed of myself.

DS1's father was abusive, he left before I had my DS.

We were only together 4 months before I fell pregnant.

Now I'm pregnant after 2 months Sad

What a fucking idiot

OP posts:
mrsshelby44 · 29/05/2018 14:49

Nah not an idiot. Shit happens. It's what you do now that matters. Think of your son. Is having this me man in your life going to put him in any danger!

Strip it back do a pros and cons list and don't think with your heart. Think logically as if your friend/sister/cousin was in this situation what would you say to them?

Stephisaur · 29/05/2018 15:22

You're not an idiot Flowers

Tell him you've lost the baby if you think that will help.

Does he know where you live?

Newmumma2be · 29/05/2018 15:55

Hi love,

I was in the same boat, found out i was pregnant after finally leaving my scum ex. He threatened me to get rid of the baby and I haven't, hes been nothing but abusive and horrid throughout my first pregnancy.

I am now 26+2 and I am so excited to have my DS in my arms!
My advice is to stand your ground and soon he will loose interest in you and the babes. If he does start giving you more abuse call the police.

Good luck girl :) xxx

mrsshelby44 · 29/05/2018 19:47

I think it's a bit reckless to say he will loose interest because you don't know this man it what he's thinking or what he's capable of!

Maedoula · 29/05/2018 20:06

Hold on a minute!!! He is the father, people on here suggesting that you lie to him and say you're not pregnant are ridiculous.

You may not want a relationship with him and that's fine, why not just tell him that bluntly?

As for the baby, unfortunately that's his child too. A child should know it's father and vice Versa. Really sorry to sound harsh but if you choose to have unprotected sex with a man you barely know then that comes with consequences, one of them being you could get pregnant and share a child with that person.

Newmumma2be · 29/05/2018 20:07

It’s from person experience, which mums net is about. I wouldn’t class it as reckless, the father of my child kept on and then as soon as I didn’t give him any attention he found something else to entertain him!

I certainly wouldn’t be ashamed of yourself and you’re definitely not an idiot! Smile

Lilly1207 · 29/05/2018 20:19

Have you heard of Clare's law? Please go to the police and ask for a disclosure on him regarding this, may give you further information? Xx

WorriedMum6868 · 29/05/2018 20:23

If you have this baby you have to be absolutely confident that you would be happy letting him look after it 50% of the time (if he asked this and took you to court) lf your warning bells are sounding now, how will you protect this child if he decides he wants contact?

Original poster
TodaysMostPopular · 30/05/2018 07:50

Really sorry to sound harsh but if you choose to have unprotected sex with a man you barely know then that comes with consequences

^^ I was on the pill (a form of contraception).

I have an application to Claire's law, absolutely nothing was disclosed.

OP posts:
Maedoula · 31/05/2018 09:16

@TodaysMostPopular OK, fair enough, that wasn't mentioned in your original post. If you got pregnant on the pill I'd advise requesting a scan asap as the pill can have unwanted side effects to the pregnancy as it's designed to prevent that from happening. Which pill were you on? If it's a less harsh pill such as Yasmin you may be ok

Original poster
TodaysMostPopular · 31/05/2018 09:18

I was on Feanolla.

I'm around 4 weeks as periods were still regular.

I haven't bothered calling the doctor or midwife as they can't do anything until 5-6 weeks so I thought I'd just wait

OP posts:
Mousefunky · 31/05/2018 10:14

I was in an abusive relationship and when the relationship ended, he stalked me for months. By stalked I mean he was following me down the road most days hurling abuse at me, turning up at my noise unannounced at my house demanding to come in and posting letters through my door. This was without a child involved. He assaulted me in the street in the end. If I had a life long bond with that man I would honestly feel suicidal.

I would strongly recommend you think twice about inviting this man into your life for the next 18 years. Whether you like it or not, he will always be around. You could lie and tell him you have miscarried but it could catch up with you one day (say he saw you out and about with the child or someone else he knew saw you etc). You don’t need the stress.

It’s up to you in the end but I wouldn’t advise you continue with the pregnancy in these circumstances. Abusive men don’t change.

Original poster
TodaysMostPopular · 31/05/2018 12:04

Mouse, you are completely right.

I know I need to do what's right for me and the baby. I can't have his man in my life. He's so up and down, one minute he's telling me he loves me and the next he's telling me he hates me. It's too unstable and toxic.

OP posts:
MiggeldyHiggins · 31/05/2018 12:07

You can keep the baby but still get rid of him

As a boyfriend, yes. As the father, no, she can't. He has plenty of rights should he choose to exercise them. OP, think very carefully about this, having his child may keep him in your life pretty much for ever.

If you got pregnant on the pill I'd advise requesting a scan asap as the pill can have unwanted side effects to the pregnancy as it's designed to prevent that from happening. Which pill were you on? If it's a less harsh pill such as Yasmin you may be ok

this is scaremongering bullshit, please everyone ignore it entirely

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