My partners family say that he is a disappointment and will rip his family apart if he dosent get me to terminate our baby

[StarScience]

I am 34 my partner is 45 we have been together 8 years. I found out that I was pregnant...unplanned... at the start of this month. After initial worries and a lot of soul searching (I have a 15 yr old and he has a 17 and 13 yr old from a previous marriage) we decided that we wanted to keep the baby and are excited about it. We knew that it might be difficult for our other kids to accept first off but felt that we could get through it together. My bf was really worried about telling his mum too as she has always been hard on him for the choices that he has made in his life and tells him that he has disappointed and shamed his family many times.His mum and most of his family dislike me and think that I am the cause of all the troubles in his life. He was also worried about telling his daughter fearing that she would never speak to him again she also dislikes me. He told his Dad and asked him for help telling his mum who said you just have to tell her. He told his mum and as expected she said that it will ruin their family and that he hasn't looked after his other kids properly. She said that it will kill his Dad and that if he dies it will be his fault. He has spoken to his mum calmly and told her that it's unfair for her to say that

His sister called him this evening and told him that he is selfish and that he will rip their family apart and kill his parents if I don't get a termination. I feel so sorry for my bf. It's so sad that his family are not supporting him and I keep telling him that it will turn out OK and that it will just take time. He is fuming as he feels like his family are being unreasonable and it disgusted him that his sister said what she said. I feel like there is nothing I can do to help him apart from say that it will be OK. My mum has been extremely supportive of me (always has been) I know that my family might intially be shocked or have an opinion but they will be OK. I really wish that there was something I could do to support my man 😢 any advice as to help him would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you

I don't quite see what it's got to do with his mother and sister? Why are they so concerned? Surely he's old enough to decide for himself what he wants to do. The older children might be delighted to have a baby brother or sister, and you'd think dp's parents would be pleased to have another grandchild. What will they do if you ever decide to get married???

Wow. That's awful. Can he explain that it would rip him apart and rip you apart if you got a termination and that any new life is a miracle. Congrats on the pregnancy xx

He’s 45! Jesus...

Can he explain that it would rip him apart and rip you apart if you got a termination

I don't think the family care tbh.

at 45 the problem is he can't step away and have his own life. it would be a case of nc for me.

He’s 45, you’ve been together 8 years, and he still needs mummy’s approval. What on earth do you see in him?

Why do you think they all hate you? Genuine question

They don't like my lifestyle and I was on benefits for a year when we first met. I have a great job now and have been there the last 7 years. They live a very different life to me .. they wear expensive clothes etc whereas i am happy in a £5 pair of trainers. His mum''s gardener who is also the grandparent to my cousins told his mum that my mum kidnapped my cousins when I was like 7. Their mum (my auntie and my mum's sister) died of cancer when she was 27 and begged my mum to make sure that they didn't live with him (the gardener) as he was ex army and very strict so my auntie asked my mum to look after them. It went to court and the judge agreed so they came to live with us.

Dear God...

He loves his mum unconditionally. It's not that he needs approval .. he just always has hope in his heart that she will support him, even though she rarely does. He is a magnificent man and I love him very much I see everything in him and I love every part

and the Sweet Baby Jesus...

Have you told your respective children Op?

This is utterly ridiculous.
He is a grown man
It really has nothing to do with his mother or sister or anyone else what you do as a family
Please stop pandering to them. Stop involving them - it’s nothing to do with them.
If you and your partner want the baby then you have the baby, live your own lives. If they don’t approve then it’s not your problem!
What exactly is their problem though? Is it his age, or that you have other children? I don’t understand what it is that they feel is so wrong or what exactly is upsetting them so much?

Not yet as I am only 10 weeks so wanted to wait until after our first dating scan etc (in 2 weeks) incase anything happened to the baby. We were thought it would be best to wait til then to tell the other kids

Does he want the baby? What do his children think, other people don’t matter. Ultimately it’s your child and you get to choose who is involved

Apart from what I have said above... I honestly don't know why they are so angry or upset.

And yes he is happy to become a dad again 😀

Well - fuck ‘em
They sound bat shit crazy
You don’t need that drama in your lives - baby or no baby
I honestly wouldn’t be giving them another thought or worry
Concentrate on your kids, the two of you and this baby, that’s it.

I have to admit that phrases like "has disappointed and shamed his family many times", "[they] believe I am the cause of all the troubles in his life" and "hasn't looked after his kids properly" make me wonder what's been going on with your DP.

Has he actually had a rather potted history of bad choices / difficulties in life / has he actually been a rubbish dad or it is more like his parents expected him to get a job in a bank and drive a certain kind of car and send his kids to private school, and look down on him because he hasn't done those specific things?

I also don't understand why your family might have been shocked by you having a child with your partner of eight years.... surely this is a pretty normal thing to do?

Bizarre behaviour from them. They sound selfish and rather over invested in his life. It's not like you're irresponsible teenagers is it?!
Ignore... enjoy your baby. They can see the baby or not as they wish but don't let their odd ways cloud this joyful time for you both.

Tbh I would withdraw in to my own little family world and focus on creating happier memories and leave them to crack on

Nothing he does sounds like it's going to gain any approval - he's tried that for 45yrs so focus on being happy yourselves

Ultimately, if you terminate what is gained? They won't suddenly forget their past opinions of him and his previous choices and, if the wind changes they'd likely throw terminating his child back at him

Do what makes you both happy

They sound like narcs and he's been living in their shadow all his life. He is a VERY grown man and needs to tell them to hold their boundaries or go NC

If he knew his parents were like that why didn't he keep silent until you were about 20 weeks? The only people may you need to tell before then are your own children and even then as it's not their decision they could wait to 20 weeks as well.

Both of you need to grow up and realise that while it's useful to have other family members around they aren't any use if they are just going to put you down, and such family members should be kept at arms length or you should go no contact with them.

On these threads, I always wonder what the other side of the story would be. Every story has 2 sides.

However, going on the info given, you need to keep them at arms length and concentrate on you, dp and all your children. Thats whats important. And fuck the rest of them.

Are his children with 2 different mums and has he completely ignored them and not been a good father supporting them. That would annoy his parents.
I would tell the children right away as if their gm gets to them first she will taint the telling and possibly sell it to them as a disaster.
Your heading made me expect 2 college students but a 45 year old in an 8 year relationship..thats mad that his parents even have an opinion.
Is your partner a reliable father for a new baby from your point of view?