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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Letting people down - 4 weeks pregnant

27 replies

Kxspop · 18/05/2018 19:37

Hi guys,
So I recently found out I was pregnant a few days ago after ‘kind of’ trying for the past two months. Obviously I am over the moon but I’ve already started to get worried and anxious about social events I already have planned.

Tonight I’m feeling extremely low as I am meant to be going to a local beer festival with family and friends tomorrow. They are texting me asking me what I’m bringing to the picnic etc, when I’ve already decided I am going to pull a sickie and leave my partner to go by himself. For someone who has always enjoyed a beer I can’t see how I can get away with not drinking. If it was a pub or bar I could get away with it, but when all there is is kegs of beer I’m not sure how I can. I was so looking forward to going, and I just feel like I’m letting people down....

I’ve also got a weekend trip planned to Amsterdam with another couple in the summer. Last night we were talking about alll the things we were going to do, but inside I knew full well I wouldn’t be able to do half of them. I kind of feel I’ve tricked them into a boring weekend that they don’t know about yet?!

I know I shouldn’t think too much about other people right now, but it’s really getting me down.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom to get past this feeling?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Attie17 · 18/05/2018 19:48

I’m in a similar position - am about eight weeks along and we haven’t really told anyone.
I went to a gin tasting with friends when I was 5 weeks. I love gin. My husband drank all of mine. Our friends might have noticed but never said. And I was surprisingly fine with not drinking - it was a nice evening. Same at a family BBQ, where I’d normally have had my fair share of wine. Didn’t miss it and had a nice time. And no one said anything about me not drinking.
I’ve got a very fancy dinner to go to tomorrow with friends that has a set menu and matching wines. No idea how I’ll get around that one, but I’m still going.
I wouldn’t worry about Amsterdam - you can still have a great time. I have pulled out of a rather wild hen party abroad. But still planning on going to a more chilled hen - spa etc - that is abroad.

If you do go tonight, fill a beer, pretend to sip and either swap with your partner as he drinks, or spill some on the ground!

Original poster

Kxspop · 18/05/2018 19:53

You are right, maybe I shouldn’t be so defeatist and go! So easy to just hide for the next 8-9 weeks.

Good tip about spilling the beer on the floor!

OP posts:

VickieCherry · 18/05/2018 19:54

You're on antibiotics for a UTI. Simple!

Byebyebye · 18/05/2018 19:57

Do people really believe that saying ‘I’m on antibiotics’ isn’t a really big giveaway that your pregnant?

SoyDora · 18/05/2018 20:02

I’m currently 8 weeks ish and it’s so happened that it’s fallen over a lot of social events.
No one has really noticed that I’m not drinking (and if they have, are too polite to say as obviously I’d tell them if I wanted them to know). I feel like death now though and am quite sick so contemplating dropping out of a concert I’m due to go to next week, mainly because I’m not sure I’ll be able to cope with the late night.
I’m at a BBQ for my cousin’s 21st birthday tomorrow and will just show my face for an hour or two and drive.

mostimproved · 18/05/2018 20:08

@Byebyebye that’s so true - antibiotics is a rubbish excuse! Who really doesn’t touch a drop when on antibiotics for something like a uti.

At some events you can get away with holding a drink in your hand the whole time but not actually drinking it, or say you’re on a diet/some kind of health kick that requires no alcohol for the first phase.

As for letting people down, unless they were going to be drinking with you one on one it’s unlikely to make a difference for them - if they are drinking they’ll still have a good time, and as long as you can still have a laugh and enjoy yourself I doubt they’ll be let down.

VickieCherry · 18/05/2018 20:08

Byebyebye Perhaps not, but hopefully no-one will be rude enough to ask and in a few weeks/months they'll get their answer either way.

badg3r · 18/05/2018 20:24

Say you are on antibiotics. Maybe they don't believe you but hopefully they are tactful enough not to ask outright.

Or don't say anything, pretend yo drink and pass it all on to your DP. I played many happy games of drink swapping with DH in the early stages of my pregnancy and nobody ever noticed.

If they are good friends they will want you to go because they like you and enjoy your company, not for your drinking abilities!

chloechloe · 18/05/2018 21:05

Making a lame excuse like being on antibiotics is a dead giveaway. Just take a drink and pretend to drink it or lose it somewhere.

Or, if you're usually a big drinker, make a big show of how you got wrecked the night before and feel really rough. Say you need a hair of the dog, pretend to drink some then announce it's making you feel worse rather than better and that you'd better skip the booze for the night.

With my first I found out I was pregnant the first day of a hen weekend where I was chief BM. I pretended to drink for 3 days and nobody noticed a thing!

Starlighter · 18/05/2018 21:19

I used the antibiotics excuse a few times (recurring UTI excuse!!) and everyone believed me! After i came clean, people were genuinely shocked. I just said taking alcohol with the medication made me feel sick.

Or say you’re getting over a stomach bug or a migraine...

People would be really crass to question you about pregnancy. They can suspect but I doubt anyone would openly ask.

Mississippilessly · 18/05/2018 21:25

No need to end your social life. Take some alcohol free beer, keep it in your cool bag and pour it so no one notices.

Darkstar4855 · 18/05/2018 23:07

Is it something you would drive to? I mostly got around it by being the “designated driver” - cast iron excuse for not drinking!

littleneepo · 18/05/2018 23:16

I’d just use the antibiotics excuse - yes people might click but if they do so what! They very unlikely will say anything about it.
Re: the Amsterdam trip... it depends on your friends expectations. I went on a boozy trip with two friends when I was very pregnant but it didn’t matter as I just joined in and did water shots! Was all just funnier because of it however if you think you’re friends would mind I’d casually mention that you’re ttc and you’re worried about the impact on the planned holiday... see what they say

FrozenMargarita17 · 18/05/2018 23:18

I offered to be the driver when I was pregnant to our work Christmas do. Worked a charm!

reetgood · 18/05/2018 23:19

Drive and alcohol free beer. I got through a friends birthday celebration including brunch with bottomless prosecco, and nobody noticed :D just don’t make a big thing of it. The other excuse is to say you’re dieting - no booze for a month or similar.

WhatisaNarwhal · 18/05/2018 23:20

I told everyone I was going booze-free because I was trying to lose weight and wanted to see how much difference it would
make if that was the only thing I changed sounds elaborate but I was a real caner- but also notoriously worried about my body, so it worked for me

passmetheloppers · 18/05/2018 23:31

Inspired by another current thread - say you are taking Metronidazole for a dental abscess. Alcohol is a real no-no with that one!

SarahBeeney · 18/05/2018 23:39

I think a good excuse is that you're really hungover from a heavy night previously. Antibiotics just screams pregnancy!

SundayGirls · 18/05/2018 23:44

Been through this 3x and I can tell you if you really don't want people to know, accept the drinks, lead the "cheers!" (v important this bit especially at the start of the event!) and then pretend to sip when everyone else does.

After that, waft around with the drink in your hand and then head to the loo. Pour half or almost all down the loo. Accept a new drink. After a while of pretending to sip and wafting around with the drink conspicuously in your hand, say you've got to take a quiet phone call,and pour it in a pot plant or down a gutter or in a bush or whatever really).

Accept a new drink. When nobody's looking, leave it somewhere (perched on a table, or a windowsill) whilst you "search" for something in your bag. Don't go back for it

Whatever you do, don't mention

Antibiotics
Being on a "dry May" or whatever
Being on a health kick of some sort

unless you don't mind someone instantly thinking "bet she's pregnant'. If you're not over bothered then go for it.

And Congratulations!

SundayGirls · 18/05/2018 23:48

passme - The old "Metronidazole for a dental access" is more 'HEY I'M PREGNANT!" than actually saying "Hey, I'm pregnant".

I've been on metronidazole, and had friends asking if I was pregnant (I wasn't, but they were eyeing my tummy for the next 12 weeks). ..

Original poster

Kxspop · 19/05/2018 06:53

Thank you so much for all of your comments, it’s made me feel much better and given me the confidence to go today, and not miss out.

We are all going on the train unfortunately so can’t use the driving excuse...!

OP posts:

theycallmebabydriver · 19/05/2018 07:10

I went to a beer festival the week after finding out I was pregnant, it was dead easy not to drink because we weren't doing rounds so nobody's really keeping score (iyswim). I sat with various thirds of pints in front of me all day, had a little sip of each one then would pass it over to DH. Also if today is a hot day you have the perfect excuse to be drinking the odd soft drink and water under the guise of 'I'm trying to pace myself a bit' or 'got a bit of a thirst on'. If you really want to throw them off you can go for the 'oh god, we accidentally got battered last night and I'm proper struggling today' approach. Have a nice day, nobody will be any the wiser x

opinionatedfreak · 19/05/2018 11:01

Check your audience. Non-medical friend tried to tell me she couldn't drink as was on Abx.

However she got the wrong kind of infection and would almost certainly have been ok to drink with the ones she would have prescribed.

Telling me she was pregnant would have been considerably easier than the nth degree I have her worried she had totally the wrong treatment.

Her partner is a GP. She went home and complained how over interested I was and he guffawed as his immediate thought as during the recounting of the story was also "but you can drink on Augmentin"!

MagicalCreatures · 19/05/2018 15:03

I was honest in the sense of actually saying we want to start trying for a baby soon so I’m cutting everything out now (including smoking, drinking, caffeine etc)
But depends whether they are close enough to you or that you want them to know that information.
For me it was obvious, we had just got married and I’d been talking about wanting kids so it was no surprise to anyone that we might start trying soon. So there was no pint in trying to hide it. And I didn’t feel like I was lying or being secretive. People accepted it and then waited for the good news x

Teateaandmoretea · 19/05/2018 21:00

Just say you are giving booze a rest/ say nothing at all, and hope that you don't end up so sick you can't do any of these social engagements at all

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