Breach of confidentiality - what to do? HELP

[LJFM2B]

I am 7 weeks pregnant ... i have had 3 miscarriages previously all that my work are aware of.

On Thursday i had some light bleeding which with my history really worried me, i went to the DR and am having a scan in a couple of days to see whats going on... (haven't had any bleeding or cramps since Thursday BTW and was only light so fingers tightly crossed just spotting) BUT of course i called my Manager Thursday and felt obliged to tell him i was pregnant and what was going on. He seemed very supportive on the phone and promised not to share anything with anyone and just asked me to keep him in the loop.

I had Friday off and just rested the whole weekend and luckily feel all pregnancy symptoms still and had not more bleeding. I called my Manager this morning and explained all seems OK but keeping scan for Wednesday just in case and highlighted again how i really didn't want anybody to know due to my history and the uneasy circumstances. He agreed and said secret safe with me.

(i have a small team of 6 all very different people and although i dont dislike anybody i also am not close with any of them) This morning people were avoiding eye contact with me and one said "do you think you should be here so soon" and one said "it will happen for you one day" so i of course questioned what they were talking about and they told me that as soon as i got off the phone to my manager on Thursday he told the whole office including one person from head office who i barely know that i was miscarrying again.

I am livid, its a huge breach in confidentiality, he obviously sees it as gossip and to top it off he didnt even explain anything properly?!

Im so Angry but i dont want HR knowing yet i dont know what to do!!!

That's absolutely awful, in so sorry

News of my early pregnancy was breached by my PA. I'd been very very ill and had to tell my line manager. PA had access to my emails and leaked the news. I went to her line manager who was mortified, and the matter was dealt with without HR. I slightly regret this now as PA is really crap at her job and this was a very serious breach that could have got her the sack.

Are you certain that it was your line manager? Was any of the information communicated by email that a PA could have read? If so, I'd speak to your line manager directly and tell them that your confidentiality has been breached. Their response will give you an indication as to where to go next.

If it was only communicated in person/over phone then unfortunately it would seem that the breach has come from line manager. In that case you can either raise it with their line manager or HR.

Personally, id just go straight to HR. They exist precisely for this kind of thing. Also, if you're in a union then your union rep will be able to provide support

Sorry, just read your manager told the whole office. Straight to HR!!!!

Fucking hell, who does that???

Urgh I don't know why people think it is there business to share! I was off sick with a non-pregnancy related illness, I had a meeting with my line manager when I was around 9 weeks and told him as it would affect long term planning and asked for it to be kept confidential (I told him as I respected him and wanted to make his life a little easier) by the time I returned to work 3 weeks later all my colleagues knew. I was annoyed, we hadn't even told my siblings yet!!

I went to speak with him about something non related (i'm not the confrontational type) and he had the balls to tell me about a colleague who was pregnant and due around the same time. I did pick him up on this and mention I was displeased he had shared my news (especially when I was off an having a rough time). He apologised. I didn't take it any further but will never tell him anything in confidence again.

Really sorry to hear about your situation OP and hope it works out well for you. I don't know what your relationship is like with your manager, but you are well within your rights to take this to HR

Im so pleased you dont think im being OTT, but yes im 100% sure it was manager. the colleges who iv seen this morning said "john told us you were having another miscarriage" his known for being a bit of a gossip but i genuinley thought after stressing how important it was that nobody knew and the sensitity of the matter that he would actually keep his mouth shut.

I basically have a site manager (the gossip) and an admin manager whos off site, i told her and she said he told her on friday too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and she said she spoke to him about not saying anything and how upset i am about it and that he is going to talk to me about it as he wouldnt want it going to HR.

I think im going to see him face to face tomorrow and tell him how i feel, and then mention going to HR to let him know how serious i am about it and also say that i will no longer be communicating with him for personal matters and will go straight to my admin manager.

Its a nerve wracking time as it is, as if i need the whole office gossiping behind my back and then giving me a pitty party to my face ... i havent actually miscarried (or so we hope) but this has made me feel like i have something to worry about the scan for now!

Its obviously more common then i thought! unbelievable really isn't it?

He's going to talk to you about it because he wouldn't want it going to HR?

Not because he feels bad an knows he did the wrong thing. Nice.

Don't be worried about HR knowing you are pregnant. They will only want to make sure everything is done properly and will put your manager in his place. You don't need to formally confirm dates with HR until you're 25 weeks anyway.

OP, whether or not you choose to make a formal complaint I STRONGLY advise you to get this logged with HR. Hopefully you will not experience any discrimination due to your pregnancy but if you do you must have absolutely everything logged. He has behaved incredibly unprofessionally.

and good luck for a smooth pregnancy from now on.

Serious confidentiality breech - I'd quiz him

John, yo do realise the whole company, including HO know! Explain!!

Do you not want HR knowing because you want to protect your rights and avoid potential discrimination?

I would say, based on what's happened, the best thing would be to tell HR formally and then that should give you added protection and your managed should be dealt with accordingly.

*manager

I second what RexManning said - you need to cover your back in case an issue arises later on down the line.

I can't believe the audacity of some people!

Wishing you well for your scan

Firstly, congratulations. You are pregnant and I can't believe he has breached your confidentiality and also told a lie.

Secondly, go STRAIGHT to HR, do not pass go and do not collect £200. Please do not let this slide. He sadly needs to be given a warning and some training in doing his job better.

All the best for your scan and I am so sorry you've had a bad experience. I can honestly say my work were ABSOLUTELY the opposite and kept things very very quiet and then made lasting back to work adjustments for me. Can't fault them and that's how it should be. X

Oh my god. I am horrified. Please please please go directly to HR. This is serious and there are policies in place to protect you from precisely this. How unprofessional and disgusting!! Go to HR directly because:

• if you confront him it will be stressful and he'll have more to gossip about and potentially lie about.
• if you DO go to HR after they might wonder why you didn't do to them immediately.
• this needs to be logged in case you experience further incidents down the line
• it's not just you to consider; how many other people might be do this to (break confidentiality)? He is in a position of responsibility and needs to act like it for everyone's sake. What if he does this again to someone else and you didn't say anything?
• he needs to be made aware of the seriousness of the situation and I'm afraid the proper channels are the only way.

Thanks ladies. I think after all your posts I will be putting together an email to HR tomorrow. I want to be appointed somebody else to report to with personal isssues and he needs to know how wrong this actually is.

Thanks ladies, my DH said the same so I can cover my back for any future discrimination .... seen as after I got married one man said I shouldn’t get training as I was likely to “have a sprog” soon PLUS after my second miscarriage my old boss said “you and your husband need to get a TV”

Both situations I didn’t go to HR and now regret it!

WOW what appalling people you work with! Definitely the right decision. Please do update us with how it goes?

Wow.... seriously think about getting a new job!!

If he wants to speak to you then advise him it will be in front of a member of HR due to breach of confidential information.

Let him smell his fear that way.

Fingers crossed for a smooth ride for you from now and best wishes.

Good luck OP. He's seriously out of order and it sounds like he had form for this kind of thing.

HR were amazing with me when I had to tell them I was pg earlier than I wanted. Couldn't have been more supportive.

I was thinking after my last post that people must think “just eat a new job” but because Iv now been TTC for 18 months and during that time Iv been pregnant now 4 times there’s has never been a good time to leave because of stupid maternity pay or what ever silly amount I’d get.

I’m keepinmg everything crossed that this pregnancy is my rainbow baby but if it isn’t I have told DH that I’m going to move jobs 100%.

Email composed for the morning. Thanks for all the luck I’m feeling nervous but almost excited to give him a taste of his own medicine.

I had a missed call on my work phone from him.... I haven’t responded and will let him stew until tomorrow.

Best of luck x

Good luck for tomorrow.
Don't let him talk you round! It's seriously shitty what he's done and he needs to learn that this kind of behaviour isn't acceptable.

I hope HR sort him out.

If you get statutory maternity pay and leave it's the exact same as allowance if you were to leave your job. Another thing to think about. Personally I would be contacting ACAS too and I would make a formal complaint against your manager. What he has done is so far beyond ok that I am actually really shocked for you. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. It's the last thing you need. (And TTC long term here too so feel your pain, I am now 11 weeks so fingers crossed this works for you. X)

Blimey - he really needs to learn confidentiality. Do report it to HR. They need to learn some tact and people skills.

When I was 8 weeks pregnant I started to bleed very heavy whilst at work. I told my manager I was going to go home and I told her why with a huge 'please keep this private'. (office gossip so I was stupid to say anything but I wasn't thinking straight).

Manager ran back into the office screaming for a colleague to call an ambulance for me. Mortifying. The entire office knew.
After I went home manager made everyone promise to not speak to me about it. So we had several weeks of people not daring to speak to me at all, wondering if I had miscarried or still pregnant.

Not forgotten it and wished I had spoken to HR - as a manager of people there's a need to have some people skills.

Hope everything is going OK today, OP.

at @Pancakeflipper.

So sorry to hear you experienced that!