Unexpectedly pregnant with number three

[pastaforbreakfast]

I'm a mum of two, DS is just 5, DD is 2.5. No plans for more, really content with how life is, 3 bedroom house, work/life balance, holidays with just the two, 99.9% sure no more for us. Two weeks ago DTD, using condom but it came off as he..., so adamant of not taking the risk I took the morning after pill (at £25!!!!) the next day within 12 hours, fast forward 2 weeks and here I am, sat on the train, on the way to my best friend's hen and as I was a day late I took a test this morning as knew I'd be drinking a lot this weekend and it was a big fat pink line!! I'm in a bit of shock. I'm first and foremost a mum so finding this hard with mixed emotions as it wasn't planned and I'm really struggling to see any positives for us, but at the same time I still have that instant feeling of 'must protect' and know any alternative isn't an option. Has anyone else been in this position? Had two then had a third unplanned? What positives made you come around and feel excited by the idea? I know we are so lucky to be able to get pregnant this easily but that feeling isn't enough to pull me through the thought of going back to nappies, no sleep, no social life for at least 2 years.... plus the last couple of months I've sold the cot/sleepyhead and Tula carrier plus almost all the clothes both maternity and baby! Thank you for listening!!

Well, if you’re wanting to go ahead with it, congrats.

I would be thinking of the impact on my existing children and would terminate personally.

I wouldn't say 'wanting' to go ahead but not 'wanting' an alternative, just don't think I could and DH definitely wouldn't!

Not DHs choice.

I think a least you have a decent gap so it is manageable. Three might be nice op. You could borrow a cot and maternity wear doesn't have to be expensive.

For me, it wouldn’t be about me as this too shall pass. It’s about the children I already have. Room sharing would be the biggie for me. Yes, they are little now but in ten years they’ll want their own space.

All good points, thank you, really needed to vent as on my own and don't really want to say anything to anyone IRL. I'm sure we will move and I will return to work one day then could afford a bigger house etc but it's just so much to get our heads around. I know you say it's not DH's choice but something like that I'd never go against his will if it was that strong, plus after this I fully intend for him to get the snip-he won't be getting the choice on that one

We are having our third. My two are four and 2 and love sharing a room. If you want this baby, don't be put off by in later years they might want their own room - you never know, you might be able to facilitate that. My two are so excited to have another sibling.

It's a shock, see how you feel after a few days. Have you told your husband?

We had an unplanned pregnancy when we had three children under five- the youngest was eight months old. Although termination was mentioned, it was never really an option for either of us and once we’d got used to the idea, we were just as excited as we had been with the other three. Hubby did have the snip when she was four weeks old though!

Dreaming-Yes I did the test before I left, it was left over from a 342 with DD, so slight caveat that it's a year out of date but just been to Boots at station to get another test to check!!! I only went to take it as a 'just in case' and it's here anyway so may as well use it-found it when clearing out a cupboard last week, so he didn't know I was taking it, I just came downstairs holding it and he was like 'are you joking?!' He's currently sending me lots of shocked GIFs!

Also my eldest is desperate for a sibling and he's the only reason I would have considered a third. He wants to share a room and when I've said I'm too tired for any more babies, he says that'll he'll get up at night and do all the night looking after, bless him! Might have to take him up on this!!

Lizzie-I've Googled - due date calculator and how do I book a vasectomy so far...

I'm pro choice but strongly against abortions just because you don't want your children to share a bedroom!! What an utterly petty and pointless reason to get rid of a baby.

If you have other reasons fair enough.

This is a discussion you should be having with your husband. It sounds like your in shock. Your only 4 weeks at this point so you have some time to think about what you want to do.

Well you’re not pro choice then, are you?

Pro choice means you support the choice of termination.

Can’t believe people are suggesting termination because of ‘the effect on existing childen’ what’s so bad about it for them? Being one of three can be so much fun! There are lots of positives to having more siblings. Sharing bedrooms not a problem for years, plenty of time to sort them out their own space for the teen years.

Like you OP I have 2, similar ages and no plans for more, but I feel it’s one of those things you can talk yourself into.

I’m not suggesting it, I’m saying what I’d do.

I have two young daughters. If I got pregnant now, I would have an abortion because it would impact on them and impact on them negatively.

You might not. But if you wouldn’t support me in my choice to terminate for that reason, you are not pro choice.

I had a third, and although I did want her, found the pregnancy so difficult that I spent much of my pregnancy feeling almost regret/angry with myself. Now she is here life was even harder at first. Sleepless nights, so tired, eldest started school BUT one year in, it feels great. Three is fun, busy, ours share and love it. I shared even as a teen. You’ll be grand.

And we too booked the vasectomy sharpish!

We had an unplanned third
, got pregnant when DC2 was 13 months old. It was a total shock but after the initial 'oh shit' my overriding feeling was excitement and I could just see this new baby fitting into our family.

The bedroom sharing isn't currently an issue the youngest two share a room. By the time they might want separate rooms we'll be in a position to move to a four bed and if we're not they'll have never none any different and plenty of teenagers share rooms.

I always believe in these situations that you have to go with your gut feeling. If the idea of this baby makes you excited you and DH will make it work. If you are filled with dread and the idea of doing it all again that's okay too and a termination is probably the right choice for you.

My sister planned to have 3, and ended up with 4. While pregnant with her 4th she was living in a 2-bed converted garage while they built their own house, so from the outside perhaps not ideal circumstances. The 4th child is the sweetest and adored by everyone including his siblings. We just couldn’t imagine not having him. I’m sure you’ll feel the same in time.

I think unexpected third children are surprisingly common!
We had two, life was getting easier, had decided against having any more, then found myself pregnant.
Like you I felt I didn’t want to be pregnant, but having an abortion just wasn’t an option. If didn’t think I could terminate a pregnancy just because it wasn’t exactly what we had planned.
I had three under five, it was hard, I won’t lie, the first year was very difficult.
Baby is 17m now, the others are three and 5.5. The older two share a room, but we will move into a bigger house in the next couple of years.
Everyone loves her (obviously), it wasn’t what we planned, it took a long time to get used to the idea, and even after she was born I still didn’t feel ‘ready’ but I wouldn’t change her.
Things are harder with three, everything is more expensive, you need a bigger car, and it’s so loud! But as they are getting older it’s geting easier, and the relationship between the three of them is lovely.
I live in fear of accidentally becoming pregnant again, and I have no idea what I would do! I am having the implant fitted soon and DH will be getting the snip in the future.
I can totally understand how you are feeling, but it will be ok.

OP has already said that she's not considering any alternative than continuing with the pregnancy so I think it's awful an abortion is being mentioned!!

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm sure you'll still be a wonderful mum third time round, yes things may get a little crowded at times and you've acknowledged the fact you're going to spend the next couple of years cleaning up crap but another baby is really not the end of the world for you. Your first two children sound lovely too! It seems this baby is not unwanted, just unplanned. Even parents with planned pregnancies feel like this in the early days! Good luck with it all and I hope (I'm sure) you'll find the support where and when you need it.

Thanks everyone so much, really appreciate the effort to comment, this thread has really helped me get my head in gear. I just can't believe it, just not even remotely in my head as a chance. Life will definitely be harder, money will be tighter, but we do have a 7 seater car already so that's something of a pro!! But yes we will make it work and any baby will be loved. Now to hope it's not twins-they are in the family

Also my eldest is desperate for a sibling and he's the only reason I would have considered a third

Sorry OP but this is such an odd reason to consider a thirds. It's all about what you want and not want DC1 or DH wants.

You seem to have made up your mind, so congrats

Congratulations OP - I haven’t been in your position but I am one of three siblings and I love it, even if all three of us shared a bedroom for my first 13 years! We’re all close and I loved having a busy house, I want at least three myself even with the memory of not much money or space growing up.

I’m one of three siblings and loved it growing up and still do now. Three is a party and life will never be boring or lonely for you OP. We went for a third and ended up with twins, the first three months were quite stressful but I wouldn’t change it for the world. My five year old is really helpful and my 2.5 year old found it hard at first but is much happier now they are nearly 3. I think your slightly bigger age gap will make things a bit easier. We’re a bit squashed into our three bed house but I don’t think kids care about stuff like that. Congratulations!

Mean my 2.5 yr old is nearly 3, twins are only 5 months

I have 4.5 and 2.9 year old girls and am in the very early days of being pregnant with my third (planned).
Yes it will be hard going back to the baby days (I had two truly horrific sleepers), and we’ll need a new car etc, but I can’t really see how it’s going to negatively impact my older two. I think it will be lovely for them to have another sibling (and they will be so excited). We have 4 bedrooms but my 2 currently share by choice.

Now to hope it's not twins-they are in the family
This happened to us, unplanned third but at scan turned out there were 2 of them in there After the initial shock and the after the first few months it was fine. We had to tighten our belts a bit and it was bloody hard work but I wouldn't have had it any other way. They're all teenagers now and it's a lot easier
You will cope because it's what we do