Did miscarriage stop you enjoying your pregnancy?

[ChickadooChickadee]

Morning mners. Made it to 12 weeks amazingly after a number of miscarriages and no babies to show for it. I'm finding my pregnancy really hard to enjoy however. I have my scan on Monday and have convinced myself there'll be no baby, even though I have no symptoms to suggest that. I know this is normal to feel this way but I can't help but feel that my previous miscarriages are stealing my joy.

Anyone else feel the same? I'm just an anxious mess who spends her time terrified of what may go wrong, crying because I feel so out of control and can't help but feel I'm going a little mad...

Yes Yes Yes!!!
I’m only just over 5 weeks pregnant again after my loss and I’m terrified.
Didn’t jump for joy when I got two lines on a test.
Haven’t told my family (who I’m really close too and always thought I would tell straight away when it happened)
Check my knickers every time I go to the toilet.
Feel sick to my stomach about finally making it to a scan and there being no heartbeat. It’s all I think about.
It’s horrible isn’t it. Your not alone darling. I’m on a thread for people pregnant after miscarriage and we all have the same fears x x

I felt like this with my first "successful" pregnancy. I got PND once the baby came and in hindsight had antenatal depression. Can you ask your GP or midwife for help op?

@ChickadooChickadee absolutely. However, things did start to improve when I reached 14-15 weeks and have got progressively easier. What helped me? Talking to people. Medical professionals early on were very kind about it. I didn't tell anyone other than DH until 12 weeks + which was the right call but it was so good to articulate some fears to kind and supportive friends after that and some of them (who understood) were so reassuring and made me feel so much better. Good luck OP. It does get easier with every passing week and it's lovely once bump starts to show and you start to feel kicks. To be honest it didn't feel real to me at all until I heard the heartbeat at a midwife check at 17 weeks and then it's like it suddenly sunk in

Yes! I have had 3mcs and this is my 4th pregnancy, I’m 9 weeks and still waiting for something to go wrong! I don’t think I’m going to ever stop being so anxious :( it’s horrible! Good luck for your scan 💕

Thank you everyone, and I'm so sorry you all feel/felt the same. It's a horrible feeling. This is my fourth pregnancy and I just can't quite wrap my head around the idea that I might actually have a baby at the end of this one. Pregnancy is meant to be a joyful experience but I am hating every second of this trimester. Maybe I will feel better after the scan (hopefully). Absolutely terrified of MMC. It's really helpful hearing other people's experiences however. Thank you

Yes feeling exactly the same! Constantly in a pit of doom assuming it’s over. I’ve obly had one miscarriage but stopped ovulating afterwards so it’s taken almost 2 years (and 4 holes in my ovary!) to conceive again. I also have scan next week and convinced self there won’t be a hb despite healthy scan at 8 weeks... wishing you all the best of luck and hoping we get to relax soon! Xx

Yes, I felt like I obsessed over milestones related to miscarriage statistics, I basically measured my successful pregnancies by them. It does get easier though, once I started to feel movement and got past 24 weeks I felt like I could start to (tentatively) get excited.

Thanks both. I'm so exhausted by it all. Scan is on Monday. This is going to be the longest weekend....

Definitely for me. I felt on edge every time I went for a scan, appointment etc. Once baby started to move I worried every time he wasn't moving. I didn't enjoy it at all! After an ectopic that ruptured and then a miscarriage, I suppose it's not too suprising that I didn't relax fully until baby actually arrived. Always been a bit jealous of those who enjoy every minute of being pregnant. Good luck OP

I had 2mc before DC1. I had early bleeding in that pregnancy too and I was convinced I was having another mc. I went for an early scan and there was a healthy heartbeat. I couldn't believe it. I took a week off work as I couldn't concentrate due to anxiety and knicker checking all the time. I felt abit better after my 12 week scan. Once I began to feel my baby move then I started to relax.

Thanks @springlike and so sorry you went through a miscarriage and an ectopic. Lovely that you now have your little one to show for all the anxiety however

I'm the same. I know nothing about what happens if the baby comes as I can't bring myself to read the books. I can tell you weekly mc stats though. I'm now 24 weeks and my first thought was 'now it's classed as stillbirth not mc when it goes wrong'. I feel completely emotionally detached from the baby. I'm coping on a practical level - have ordered all the things we need and have got a little bit excited buying them - but it's just stuff.

@Bubblenuggets I won't even allow myself to think about what feeling little kicks and flutters would be like. I'm too scared I'll get my hopes up and I'll never make it to that point. I wish I could enjoy this just a little bit...

I'm so sorry you feel like that @voxnihili it's such a shame that so many people feel like this, but it's also comforting (I hope for all of us) to know that we aren't the only ones that feel this way.

Yes yes yes! I didn’t enjoy my 2nd pg at all, because of 2 losses beforehand. What did help was a lovely thread on here I used to post on (? Mosh pit) You’re not alone 💐

@tasmaniandevilchaser sorry you went through that. It's so tough. I can't wait to hold my baby but my fear is that it's just not meant to be.

Chickadoochickadee, voxnihili good luck to you both.

Thank you @Bubblenuggets I may come back and update on Monday (if it's good news re the scan!). Oh man I'm so scared...

yes totally.
I have had 7 pregnancies, with 4 miscarriages.

Each time we held out breath until past 12 week. I lost all mine early, so for me, once we were past 12 weeks and had the scan I relaxed, but I know from other people that if they lost theirs later, there was no relaxing.

I think for me the hardest thing was seeing other go through pregnancy all relaxed and excited and happy, and I was thinking - you have no idea, you could lose it any minute, how can you be so happy. I was frankly jealous, even though I wouldn't have wished my fear on anyone.

good luck x x

Yes! It was much better once I was around 20 weeks plus and could feel the baby moving but the first 12 weeks were not fun at all!

Massive hugs. This is the hardest point, hang in there and wishing you all the luck in the world. It does get easier although it remains terrifying.

I had my DD 8 weeks ago - it was my fourth pregnancy and until they handed her to me, I never fully believed I would have a baby.

The first 12 weeks were hell. Absolute hell. As I’d had two back to back mmcs at 11 and 10 weeks only a few months before this, as well as an earlier miscarriage at 5 weeks, it just felt like Groundhog Day of the worst kind, and I think I had PTSD, as I suffered nightmares and flashbacks. I cried every day. I had bleeding in every pregnancy, including my successful one, which put me on a knife edge.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t get the reassurance I was hoping for from my 12 week scan, it all still felt too fragile, but had a private one at 16 weeks, which helped and then at 20 weeks it got easier when all was well.

At that point, I decided I would do everything I could to enjoy my pregnancy. I told my colleagues and close friends and just did my best to enjoy it wherever I could. I had to fake it a little bit until I really did start to feel positive and happy. I really loved being pregnant in many ways, and apart from the awful history and rough first 12 weeks, I had a lovely, easy pregnancy and felt really well.

I still didn’t buy anything until around 32 weeks, and my nerves got worse again towards the end, but I will still treasure the experience of being pregnant.

Good luck for your scan on Monday. Will be thinking of you.

Yes, I’m in the same boat and just wanted to tell you that it does get easier so hang on in there.

I’m 18 weeks now (2 mcs and sub fertility) and although I’m still terrified of something going wrong, when I think back to how tough the first trimester was, I don’t know how I got through it.

Is your OH feeling the same way or is he able to support you? Sometimes just hearing someone tell you it’ll be ok really helps.

Also, I know this is maybe not available depending on where you live but I self referred to the local Psychological Wellbeing Service and am now receiving a course of CBT which is helping. Maybe consider a chat with your GP as another poster said.

Good luck and I really hope that you manage to enjoy some of this after you’ve waved goodbye to the first trimester!

I found that after losses, pregnancy was just a series of milestones to get past. First is the 12 week scan, then the 20 week scan. Next is 24 weeks when the foetus is viable and then I had 32 weeks in my mind as I felt there was a greater chance of survival after that.
I had 1 mc and 1 ectopic, but now have 3 crazy dc!
The pregnancy after the ectopic was the most stressful with multiple blood tests and scans. If I'd realised quite how difficult it would be I'm not sure I'd have tried for number 3, given I already had 2 gorgeous dc.

Thanks everyone. It makes me so sad knowing so many people feel like this but it's really lovely having support from all of you. I don't know what else to say other than thank you for sharing.

Yes sadly. I had two losses and it robbed me of enjoying my pregnancy BUT out of all my friends I enjoyed having a newborn the most. Getting up in the night for a healthy baby was a breeze compared to staying awake night after night worrying when I was pregnant and all my fears lifted from me like a giant weight as soon as I held my baby (finally!). I was so relaxed and joyful and appreciated and enjoyed every second. I don't think I'd have been that way without my losses. So there were down sides but ultimately a huge up side too. Is there is a way to stop the anxiety during pregnancy, I'm afraid I never found it!