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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant and bf threatening to leave

44 replies

Lolly2929 · 27/04/2018 17:17

So I'm five weeks pregnant ... I found out bout a week ago , I told my partner off two years straight away .... he told me to have a abortion straight away! I was shocked by his response, we live together and I have a five year old daughter from a previous relationship... he told me if I continue with this pregnancy he will cut contact with me and have no contact with this baby ... he told me I'm being stupid and selfish ... the only thing that's stopping me kicking his arse out is that I rely on him financially and tbh I'm really scared being on my own I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place ... this wouldn't be his first baby either he had two other children who his has minimal contact with ....i want this baby but I feel I'm being bullied into a termination ... I got my family support 100% but I'm still scared .... please i need some advice xx

OP posts:
Ilovechocolate111 · 27/04/2018 17:53

Have you told him how u feel. Have u told him you want to keep it.
Why doesn't he want a baby?

Muffin7 · 27/04/2018 17:54

I don't think I'm going to be very helpful, but I didn't want to read and leave. I wonder whether your GP will be able to point you in the right direction of some sort of counselling, a forum where you and your partner can discuss everything and hopefully come to a mutual decision. I hope you get everything sorted xx

Original poster
Lolly2929 · 27/04/2018 17:59

He doesn't want the baby because it will disrupt his life apparently!! Iv told him I want to keep it but it falls on deaf ears ... he keeps telling me I won't cope and I will be left with nothing even tho he lives in my house!? ... he said earlier do u really want to be haveing a baby again at your age (I'm 29) ... ur gonna get fat and depressed.... by the way he nearly 40 shockingly!! He basically told me if u go ahead with this pregnancy he is leaving

OP posts:
wishingitwasfriday · 27/04/2018 18:02

If he already has two children that he barely sees then I think he's shown you what kind of person he is. You need to plan for being on your own if you decide to keep the baby, as he won't be there for you.
Only have an abortion if it's what you want as if you do it for him then he could think that he controls you and it may set the scene for your future.

wishingitwasfriday · 27/04/2018 18:03

Just seen your update. I think your on your own whether you have the baby or not. Please don't stay with this man.

Iflyaway · 27/04/2018 18:06

Bastard!

Let him leave if it's your house. And make sure you are legally covered.

You don't need this selfish man in your life or that of your children.

I rely on him financially - well, not a great idea but you can change that one too. Time to take power over your own life.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Original poster
Lolly2929 · 27/04/2018 18:15

Thank you for the comments all I need is a bit off courage to take back my life I know deep down it will be hard ....I lost my seven year old son last year to sepis it was a horrific time for me and my family he wasn't no real support then either tbh I think this baby is a blessing for me and my five year old daughter .... I just don't know why I'm so scared to cut that tie completely with my partner .... I think I just need to man up ....

OP posts:
Ilovechocolate111 · 27/04/2018 18:38

The reason your scared of cutting all cord with ur partner is because your scared of losing everything.! Which is understandable! But if he makes you feel sad and depressed what sort of life is that?
You have a family that will support you!
If I was you I would tell your family about this and they might be able to help you or give you a boost to grow you confidence to tell him to get stuffed.
Not sticking up for your partner but do you think this is his defence because he scared of losing another child?
Maybe if he saw a scan pic he might change his mind? I don't know.
I do feel for you hun. And I know its not easy.
I know your also scared about not having any financial support as your partner also has that. But again that can be sorted you can go to a jobcentre and tell them that your going to be a single mum with no income?
You would be happier without him and he shouldn't be speaking to you the way his does.
But again you just need the confidence to stand up to him and be the bigger person. Xxx wishing you all the best xxx

UrgentExitRequired · 27/04/2018 18:40

Considering it is your house it is worrying that you rely on him financially. It is also worrying that he doesn't have contact with his other kids...is there a good reason for this? I think he sounds like a terrible boyfriend and you deserve better. Perhaps it would be a good idea to take some time away from him to come to a decision about what you want to do without his influence.

Sorry to hear that you lost your son and congratulations on this pregnancy.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 27/04/2018 18:42

You already know what kind of father he is, he's shown you his lack of commitment to his older children. That alone is reason enough not to want to be in a relationship with him.

It was a bad choice to be financially dependent upon him. Don't ever let yourself get in that situation again, it leaves you very vulnerable.

If you want to keep the baby, you need to start making plans to raise your daughter and unborn child on your own. Fuck him, he's not going to step up.

Original poster
Lolly2929 · 27/04/2018 18:45

My son wasn't his child both my kids are from previous relationship.... iv told my mum and aunt and best friend what's been going on and understandably they are fuming at my partner ....I have no future with my partner I know that deep down... My partner owes me 7 grand and he has got it in his bank but just refuses to give it to me until I book the termination!! This is just a crappy situation ..... nothing ever seems to right for me !! Sorry I'm literally crying right now

OP posts:
userabcname · 27/04/2018 18:48

Book it, show him the confirmation, tell him to transfer your money immediately, once it's in your acct cancel the termination appt and kick him out. That's what I would do.

UrgentExitRequired · 27/04/2018 18:48
Flowers
Original poster
Lolly2929 · 27/04/2018 18:50

That's actually a great idea!!!!

OP posts:
Ilovechocolate111 · 27/04/2018 18:52

Kat that's a good idea. Not being funny but it made me laugh 😁 get ur own back on him lol x

peodar · 27/04/2018 18:56

How did you become pregnant? Did you discuss it beforehand or was it a contraception failure?

Angharad07 · 27/04/2018 18:57

Chin up, darling. This is horrible but focus on your baby- if you’re calling it a blessing then you should definitely keep it.

I think maybe it’s time to get the police involved if he’s blackmailing you and holding your money in his account, which he’s obviously been using to control you which is a form of domestic abuse. I would also do this so that they can advise you on where to turn to get child support from him if he does do a runner. That man can’t keep making babies and thinking he can walk away from the responsibility entirely- make him pay!

Lichtie · 27/04/2018 19:00

How if you rely on him financially does he owe you £7k?
Kick him out if you want to keep the baby. He has made his feelings clear which is one positive, at least you can make your decision knowing he will play no part.

Original poster
Lolly2929 · 27/04/2018 19:01

I had gallstones and was on the pill but I was sick a lot and was in a lot off pain for days then I would be ok I had my operation they did a pregnancy test before hand it was negative and wen ahead with the gallbladder removal then straight after my operation I started to feel pregnant so I did five tests and all comeback positive and the doctor confirmed it .....

OP posts:
Original poster
Lolly2929 · 27/04/2018 19:05

He borrowed the money from me wen we first got together it was my saveings apart from that 7 grand I'm skint .... he has been holding it back from me for a year coz iv seen his bank statements I know he has more than enough in his bank account ..... i kept asking it back and he just causes a fuck off row with me .....

OP posts:
isthismummy · 27/04/2018 19:08

He owes you 7k and won't pay it? So he's financially abusive on top of everything elseSad

Sorry op, but this man is a loser and a waste of space. The attitude he has towards his other dc shows you everything you need to know. You really need this man out of your life asap. He lives in your house, kick the bastard out!

I am so sorry for the loss of your dc tooFlowers

Smeddum · 27/04/2018 19:08

Book it, show him the confirmation, tell him to transfer your money immediately, once it's in your acct cancel the termination appt and kick him out.

I’d also follow it up with, unless you want me to cancel and go to the CMS for maintenance. (Obviously that’s what you will do, but he doesn’t need to know that until you’ve got your 7k back)

I’m sorry about your son Flowers

isthismummy · 27/04/2018 19:10

I don't think @Kats idea regarding a termination is a bad idea either. You'll get your money back (hopefully) and get rid of him in the process.

unicorncow · 27/04/2018 19:22

My fiance asked to try for a baby, I got pregnant and he walked out when I was 5 months gone. I was devastated to start with but since then I've heard so many stories about him it's unreal! One girl messaged me to tell me she was pregnant to him and he forced her to have an abortion!! I'm so much happier now that he's gone and I'd never take him back! I would throw him out if I was you! He sounds so controlling just like my ex!

fontofnoknowledge · 27/04/2018 20:17

The definition of insanity.. repeating the same action and expecting a different outcome.
Only this man has already repeated having a child, this will be his third. There will be no difference.

Take this as a life lesson never ever to be dependent on a man financially.
As for the baby, can you support it ? Does he work ? Employed or self employed. Not much chance of maintenance if self employed.. how will a new baby affect your other child. Do you want to be tied to this person for the rest of your life ( at least the next 18 yrs). Lots of questions but ultimately this is an answer only you can make.

Personally at 5 Weeks. With that kind of arsehole. No. Not a chance. I think your existing child and you have been through quite enough over the last year.

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