When should i tell my sort-of boyfriend that im pregnant?

[JoJoGal89]

Im 17, and just found out that im pregnant, me and my sort of boyfriend have been sort of going out for about 3 weeks, im scared to tell him because he will prob think im a gold digger or something. anyone who has been in a similar situation please help..

Is there anyone else you could tell first - who could support you and your decisions? Your mum for example?

Are you sure you are pg? Three weeks is a very short time in which to fall pg and to find out...

I think you should first talk to your mum, dad or anyone else you can go to for advice and who you trust. If there is no one you feel fits this description then I would really recommend you call Childline and their phone number is 0800 1111. They have people that can advise you on what is the best way to proceed. I think you should also go to your local family planning clinic to get checked over.

As was already mentioned, it's very unusual to be with someone for 3 weeks and then find out you are pregnant by them so soon b/c most women don't even know they are pregnant until they are at minimum 4 weeks pregnant. The reason for this is that the first week of pregnancy you actually have your period and you can only really conceive at the earliest a week after that, in otherwords 14 days into your monthly cycle. That would mean you are literally minutes pregnant at 3 weeks, if you see what I mean. The reason most women don't know they are pregnant before they are 4 weeks pregnant is b/c that would mean it is the first day they miss their expected period which is generally the time you would take a pregnancy test. I'm not saying you are wrong to think you are pregnant, I just think it is extremely important to have medical care (as well as emotional care) as soon as possible and your family planning clinic will be able to provide this and confirm your pregnancy.

I'm sorry if this isn't better advice but these are the first steps you should definitely take and sooner rather than later. There are many choices for you if you are pregnant but it's important to have good advice early on so please don't wait to speak to a trusted family member or call Childline and in addition go see your local family planning clinic. These things are at the moment much more important than how or when to tell your boyfriend. I wish you much luck with this!

i was in this situation about 18 months ago.

i doubt he will think you are a gold digger, unless he is incredibly rich. mine seemed to think i had done it on purpose though - wtf! if i had planned on having a baby i would have chosen someone better than him lol.

first of all is there anyone you can talk to who you trust. not friends cos they won't know what you are going through, but someone maybe a bit older who you are close to? i had a friend from work who was 26 that i told. she was old enough to give me sensible advice and she knew what she was talking about, but young enough not to patronise me or for me to feel awkward about talking to her.

then you need to tell your parents as soon as possible. unless you think they might force you into an abortion if that isn't what you want.

kerrymum - people can get pregnant whilst using protection. its not like its never happened before - i should know!

lemmiwinks - maybe she means it is 3 weeks since they had sex, meaning she would actually be 5 weeks pregnant? i found out 20 days after we had done the deed.

jojo if you have msn add me [email protected] (2 underscores not 1)

Hi JoJo. I'm a regular poster here but changed my name.

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. My bf and I had only been going out about two months when I found out I was pregnant and like you I worried that he may have thought I was after him for his house etc ( I still lived with my mum and dad).I told him and the first words out of his mouth were 'well you're going to have to get an abortion aren't you?'

I'm not proud of it (hence the name changing) but I opted for a termination even though I wasn't 100% about it. People often think it's the easy option but believe me it isn't. It has caused a lot of grief in our relationship, a lot of blame being thrown about, as surprisingly we are still together. I will honestly never get over it and still see a psychicatrist because of the reprocussions in my life.

My advice would be to consult a family planning clinic, or brook clinic as you're under 19. Before you tell your bf decide what you want to do with the preg as chances are he may want you to have a termination. Also like the other posters have said, I would tell your mum and dad first for support if you can.

Please, please, please just make the decision on what YOU want. I'm not saying that every girl regrets having an abortion as I know some that haven't but that's because they made that decision based on what they wanted.

On a brighter note I'm now preg and we're both over the moon. All the best of luck to you x

Hiya

perhaps the Brook Advisory people would be a good palce for a chat? tey have helped laods fo peolpe like you.

I guess you must feel very scared and confused at the moment. It would be sensible to expect your boyfriend to feel mush the same (that link also has a section for young fathers to be by the way).

I think it would be wise to tell people as soon as possible after the test as thats when you have the most options available to you, and gets you the support you need early on.

Best wishes

Hi JoJo,

I've not had any personal experience of this but I work on the rights of people under 18 and have done quite a bit of work on pregnancy and abortion.

I just wanted to reassure you that no-one can force you to have an abortion or to keep the baby - at 17 that's your choice. (In England and Wales at least - I'm assuming that's where you are). Also, if you go to your GP or family planing clinic etc for advice they will treat everything that you tell them as confidential. It would be against the law for them to tell your parents, boyfriend or anyone else without your consent so you can go to get advice without worrying about that.

If possible, most people find that it's best to talk to their parents or someone they know and trust too. That's up to you but please do talk to someone who can help you to make up your mind on what YOU want to do. As others have said, this is very early on so there's no need to panic but the earlier you talk to people the better as that gives you more time to make decisions.

There are some very good organisations that might be helpful. Someone else mentioned Brook. They are very good and have a list of other useful sites and phone numbers here (if I can post the link - rubbish at this sort of thing!) Brook

you need to clarify in your own mind whether you want to have the baby, and if so, whether you want your boyfriend to be involved..unless he is super wealthy, the gold digging thing should not come into it

it takes two to tango and if he was happy to have unprotected sex, then he needs to take responsibility too

if you have only been sort of going out for 3 weeks, and you have found out you are pregnant, then you must have got pregnant the second you met! 3 weeks pregnant, is actually only 2 weeks pregnant, no, so must have tested very early...

did you think you might be pregnant?

any thoughts on what you want to do?

hiya no real advice but if she's around I think Lwatkins is going thru pretty much as you describe (iirc) althou her bundle is due any day I think so she maight not be here for a while?

anyhow, how do you think your BF will react? I agree you do need to tell someone do you ahve any close family friends? how do you feel aboutt he whole situation - BF aside. althou you do have a 5th option possible - you and BF stay together and raise the child together.

I think it will help to talk thru your thougths in RL we are here as well but obv you will/do need rl support as well.

best of luck

It can be done at your age....i have done it.my boyfriend at the time did a runner for a week! we had been together over a year though.

Ultimately,if you are pg,i think he has to be told.yes,he may be angry/upset,etc.but you sound quite bewildered too. First of all, i would do a test (if you havent already)to make sure.then,book an appointment at a clinic/GP or something.they can help you,don't feel lost.

Do what is right for you.you only get one chance at making a decision on this.

Yes, you may have o be a single parent.there are worse things that could happen.plenty of women on here are amazing single mums,as are many of my friends.i was a single mum at 18.it is hard,very hard.but worth it.

feel free to ask me anymore questions if you want to.if you are pg, go get some folic acid

every relationship has an only 3 weeks stage though doesn't it? Including those where people are happily married after 75 years!

I think with reagrds to that aspect its much the same as every other relationship: time will tell

I got pregnant when I was 17 and had been with partner for only 1 month. We had been very lazy with contraception and I was thinking 'it'll never happen to me'. Stupid I know but there you go.

I opted for a termination as I did not know if our relationship was going to last or not. It's not an easy decision to make but it was the right one for me. Partner wanted me to keep the baby but I thought it would be me left holding the baby if we split up.

Anyway we are still together 7 years later, married with 2 kids (3 and 5 months). I do still think about if I had not had the termination but how was I to know things were going to work out?

Ultimatly it's your decision about if the keep the baby or not but 17 is very young when (I know I'm going to sound all mumsy here) you've got the rest of your life ahead of you. Of course not saying you couldn't cope. It would just be very hard.

Me to, i was 17 when i met DP and got pregnant the first month i know!!!!

Here we are 15 years later and 8 children later and very very happy.

Have a good think what you might want to do in your head first, talk it through with someone you trust and go from there, one step at a time.x

thanks every1 for your advice, im not toatally sure im preg but i took a preg test and on it they said you could tell 7 to 10 days if your pregnant, it said it was positive but im not sure. i finally got around to telling my b/f and he reacted weird he kept telling me that it wasnt his and that it was to early to be his. i told my mum b4 i told neone she was cool a little freaked out because she still thought i was a virgin, but i understand it will take a while for it to sink in. im really depressed my b/f doesnt want nething to do with me he hasnt said it but i no. he thinks i fell preg on purpose, i soooo didnt, i had plans for my life you know, but i have to keep it, i had unprotected sex and i need to deal with the consequences am i right?? what do you all think??

It's really up to you JoJo, you don't have to do anything, but if you want to keep it, it sounds like you've got support from your mum which is brill. You can take her to pregnancy counselling if you think that will help.

I took a first response test before my period was due to arrive (less than two wks after sex) so it is very possible to find out early.

Men make me so angry at times when they won't face up to their responsiblities. This happened with a friend of mine. Give him time to come to terms with it and if he still doesn't come round, he's not worth it. Good luck

first thing you need to do is to find out for sure if you are pregnant

then you need to have a good long think and some counselling perhaps about what to do

you can keep the baby, and bring him up with the support of your family,

or you can end the pregnancy

or have the baby and have the baby adopted

these are all options, but only you can make the ultimate decision

but you cannot decide anything until you sure you are pregnant or not

why do you think the test was positive? and when was the first day of your last period?

might just help us all to help you....

Okay, there is another piece of information that might help and that's about how to count how many weeks pregnant you are (if you are). I found this very confusing myself.

Normally a cycle is around 28 days, i.e.,
you have your period on days 1-7, then you tend to ovulate and be fertile around day 10-20 and then you will have your next period at day 29 or so (the times differ individually).
Normally women take a pregnancy test once the miss a period, i.e. 28d after their last mesntural period (LMP) and 14 days after they
were fertile and had sex. So when your next period is due the baby would be 2 weeks old. However, since many women know when their last period was, but not when they fell pregnant, the official counting start with the first day of your last period. So when you miss a period (and you are pregnant) you are officially 4 weeks pregnant, although the baby is only 2 weeks old and so on. Confusing if you ask me. So if it's been more than 2 weeks since you had sex and you have missed your period since then you can do a pregancy test for sure. There are normally two windows and if there is a line in each of them, you are pregnant. If there is a line only in one of them, you are not!

There is a lot of good advice so far on this thread, and many people have been in your situation. You have a lot of talking and thinking to do I'm sure. I'm glad your mum has been ok and keep talking to bf. Not rally anything useful to add but remember that whatever you decide there is always good support to be found here (and that includes having a termination)

(just a note to those who asked why she was having unprotected sex before she said she had, my unplanned ds bombarded his way through plenty of contraception, it is not always carelessness )

i have spoken to jojo and she didn't use contraception but she won't be the first nor the last to make this mistake.

she also told me she had a pregnancy test at the doctors 1.5 weeks after she had sex but it came up negative. would a doctors test be sensitive enough to detect pregnancy before a missed period?

the accuracy of the early tests is around 40 - 50 %

don;t know if a test the doc does is more sensitive....

if she can hang on until 2 weeks after unmprotected sex, then she will get a more accuarate result

docs told me to abstain for 2 weeks prior to a coil fit so they could be sure of test result so I doubt they are more accurate.

Hi JoJo,

Glad to hear that things went well with your Mum. Assuming that you are pregnant, there were just a couple of things I watned to say from friend's experience.

First, Your boyfriend's views might well change. Remember it's a big shock for him too and he might genuinely think it's too soon to have been him (dates are confusing esp to men - my DH thought it was too soon for us to know that I was pregnant and we were trying to conceive...) I know people whose partners have been in denial at first, even for months, but have later become good dads. Ultimately it's his responsiblity too in any case - takes two to tango and all that!

Second, I saw you said you had plans for your life. If you do keep the baby then there's no denying it will have a huge impact on your life but don't see it as writing you off for the future. My cousin was a little older than you when she became a single mum and she's now at Uni training as a nurse whilst her 3 yr old is in nursery. I know people who've done all sorts of things (including becoming lawyers and university tutors) having been single mums. Yes it takes a lot more effort and determination but you can do it and plenty of employers and colleges will have far more respect for you if you do.

one way top know for sure if is she can afford it is a clear blue digital. there's no mistakes then.

it's a shame about the BF but as said it sounds like you have support from your mum which you will most definatly need either way.

you're old enough to have unprotected sex and deal with the cons. but that doesn't go hand in hand with you having the baby and keeping it - you do have options.

fwiw - I was in your predicament at 16 (just out of school) without my mums support I'd never have coped. (had a m/c) we're here for you honney either way.