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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Would anyone else be annoyed?

53 replies

ForeverHopeful21 · 17/04/2018 12:01

I'm 40 weeks pregnant with my first child and my DH has told me that he's accepted invites to golfing events both in 5 weeks and 6 weeks time (consecutive weekends).
He's taking two weeks paternity when the baby is here so obviously by then I'm hoping I'll be well underway with what I'm doing, but golf days out are loooong and I think I just feel really shocked because personally I can't see past the baby arriving and the last thing on my mind is arranging plans with friends.

Obviously I don't know what to expect as I've never had a baby before, but I just assumed that we'd remain a tight little unit for a couple of months .....is that just a romantic notion? I feel really annoyed that he's already booking days out when baby isn't even here yet. My hormones are everywhere at the moment and I feel unsure whether my feelings are justified?

OP posts:

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KalaLaka · 17/04/2018 12:04

Not ok! You'll need rest at the weekends, not him away for the whole day. You may well be recovering from surgery and still be unable to do all the household tasks you need. Please talk to him and ask to at least cancel one. 5/6 weeks is still tiny: the first 2-3 months are the hardest and most intense.

KalaLaka · 17/04/2018 12:05

It's not even a case of being a 'tight unit,' it's just sharing the workload.

DairyisClosed · 17/04/2018 12:06

I would be very annoyed.

Bluebirdsky · 17/04/2018 12:10

I'd be annoyed that he didn't at least discuss it with me before accepting the invitations.
If he is going to be at work all week I would be annoyed that he isn't thinking about spending time with you at the weekend and not being concerned that you will possibly be on your own all day again.
I would sit down and have a chat with him and explain how you are feeling it may be that he just hasn't stopped to really consider how life is going to change and what his responsibilities are, or he is desperately trying to cling onto the notion that having a baby isn't going to change his life!

mommybear1 · 17/04/2018 12:17

I'd be fuming as others have said you will really need time to rest particularly if your DH has gone back to work. If he is insisting on going I'd make him do the night feeds before he goes to get yourself some rest (plus side he goes off to the weekends knackered and hopefully reconsidering his next booking!)

Original poster

ForeverHopeful21 · 17/04/2018 12:31

Thank you for your replies. Thats what I thought!

Its taken us 4 years to get this very much wanted baby so I can't figure out why golf plans would even be on the agenda so soon!

may be that he just hasn't stopped to really consider how life is going to change and what his responsibilities are, or he is desperately trying to cling onto the notion that having a baby isn't going to change his life

I think you're right - maybe he has no idea what is about to hit him / us. I normally work most weekends (prior to maternity leave) so he's used to doing as he pleases at least one day a week. I guess he needs a wake up call!

OP posts:

Madhouse2018 · 17/04/2018 12:33

I know it's the princilple of the matter but...your DH will be going back to work so by 5/6 weeks you would be able to manage for a day unless there are special circumstances. Can you ask someone to help you out if you need them nearer the time? A fair compromise would be one day instead of two or none at all. Things won't change a lot after your first child-you'll adjust where needed.

MustBeThursday · 17/04/2018 12:53

He's probably justifying it in his mind as "just a day" and obviously he'll be back at work by then so you will be flying solo during the day when he's at work - but it's not "a day" in isolation, it's a sixth day assuming he works Monday to Friday. It's another day until you can get a break/support. At that age both of my babies but my first particularly wanted to be held and/or fed all day so after 5 days you'll be keen for another set of arms!

He's not unreasonable in wanting to continue a hobby but it's inconsiderate to do long events so close to the birth and even more so to have booked it without discussing with you first!

TinyTerror1 · 17/04/2018 12:54

Things won't change a lot after your first child

That is literally the only time I've ever heard that. I haven't had mine yet but I have been told to expect it to be harder than the hardest thing I can imagine.

harrietm87 · 17/04/2018 12:58

I'm probably just really naive but I'm also pregnant with my first baby (41+3...argh) and I wouldn't mind this. Although DH works from home so will be around a lot anyway - I might feel differently if weekends were our only family time. Perhaps he could compromise and cancel one?

AssassinatedBeauty · 17/04/2018 12:58

I'd be very annoyed that he hadn't though to check with you if he was available and if you were ok with it. He needs to understand that if it turns out you're both having a difficult time with the baby/recovery etc he has to cancel.

He's also basically saying he'd rather spend time playing golf with mates than spend time with his new first born child.

I would also ask him when you're going to have the equivalent amount of time (maybe not all in one go, especially if you're breastfeeding) to do your own thing? Has he considered that at all?

Kittymum03 · 17/04/2018 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 17/04/2018 14:20

Is it his first child too?
Maybe he just a bit clueless. My DC's are bigger than that and tbh I'd be annoyed if dh made day-long arrangements on two consecutive weekends. I'm currently on mat leave so with them all day, every day. I like to be able to share the workload at the weekend.

mummabearfoyrbabybears · 17/04/2018 14:21

It wouldn't bother me tbh as my husband was a soldier and went to Afghanistan when my fourth child was 3 weeks old, but then I suppose that wasn't a choice he made. If you're upset by it then he really needs to pay attention and change his plans.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 17/04/2018 14:23

I’m a bit surprised by the responses. This wouldn’t bother me at all. Although maybe if I was a yet to be first time mother it would.

You know you’re allowed to go off out with your friends too don’t you? You don’t have to be tied to a baby for months. Neither of you do.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 17/04/2018 14:25

Same mummabear exp was deployed when DS2 was 11 days old. I didn’t sit in the house moping. I carried on with life seeing friends and family.

AssassinatedBeauty · 17/04/2018 14:28

Maybe some people like to spend all their time with their baby, in the early days? That's not wrong, and it's not being "tied" or "moping".

mummabearfoyrbabybears · 17/04/2018 14:30

Agreed Zip, but I worry I've developed a tough skin because of it, and I'm not as sympathetic as I should be. It's nearly always just me and the kids. I actually prefer it that way

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 17/04/2018 14:32

Maybe some people like to spend all their time with their baby, in the early days?

Maybe those people should do that then and not sulking when other people make different decisions. OPs husband is doing nothing wrong by having a day out of the house! Just because OP wants to stay in and baby gaze doesn’t mean he has to!

Thirtyrock39 · 17/04/2018 14:36

My dh carried on with social plans soon after our first baby was born- was out most weekends, football days out etc... it coincided with the summer holidays - he's a teacher- so he still had plenty of bonding time - it was annoying though and caused some rows but in his mind as I was breastfeeding there was a lot of time he wasn't doing a lot at home other than housework ...I spent a lot of time At my parents house when he was out though as I did find it hard on my own

DrWhy · 17/04/2018 14:39

Zibbididoo by then the ‘D’H will be back at work presumably 5 days a week so certainly not Baby gazing! With a 3-5 week old baby depending on how late it is, there’s a good chance that after doing 5 days on her own I’m the daytimes OP will need a break at the weekend when the care is shared.

AssassinatedBeauty · 17/04/2018 14:49

He's in the wrong for not consulting with his wife about it, and assuming it will be fine for two weekends in a row, without considering whether his wife might want the same amount of time away from baby responsibilities.

And of course those people who like spending time with small babies should do so. To consider that to be "tied" and to be "moping" is daft.

LaurieMarlow · 17/04/2018 15:07

Things won't change a lot after your first child

Whaaaaat???

OP I don't think it's necessarily an outrageous request, but he should have at least discussed with you beforehand.

IAmMatty · 17/04/2018 15:15

DH gave up his golf membership when DD was a few months old; he said he hardly saw her during the week so he didn't want to spend a full day away from us at the weekend.

See what happens; the idea of a baby is extremely different to the reality, especially for men I think, who haven't experienced the physical reality of pregnancy.

123456kent · 17/04/2018 15:17

I personally don’t think you should be angry, but I also think he shouldn’t go to these events, and perhaps once baby is here the idea will seem ludicrous to him that he thought he would go!
I’d still be unhappy at 6 months if my OH did this, not angry at him, but disapointed that I was being left for 6 days out of 7 in the week.
Previous comments about ‘not being tied to the baby’ .... you may well be! don’t be so sure of it. No way could I enjoy a full day out even now. Some babies don’t want bottles... that leaves Mum tied to said baby.
Hopefully you OH will cancel golf of his own accord once he realises it’s not fair to bugger off when baby is so young

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