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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Who came to visit you and baby in hospital

71 replies

Flyingchimps · 15/04/2018 18:34

Hi all,

Just wondering- who did you have come to the hospital after you had given birth? And when did you start accepting visitors at home?

In my head.... DH would be there for the birth, then or parents (and I guess DH’s step mum and Dad too) could come if they wanted (as much as I really do not get on with MIL it is her first grandchild so surely she will have to be pleasant to me!)

But now there has been suggestions of siblings, and one of our friends who is going away 2 days after baby is due also wants to come.

It’s our first baby so I’m not sure of the norms and how I will feel so don’t want to be precious but also do not want to overload myself.

In terms of when you got home- when did you start accepting extended family over to visit?

Thanks :)

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student26 · 15/04/2018 20:35

My parents came to visit me as my partner was already here. Well, my Dd really was the only visitor because my mum and partner were my birth partners. So one I suppose! And my brother visited when I got home. My Nanny came a few weeks later as did his parents.

sweetkitty · 15/04/2018 20:37

No one apart from DP. We lived too far away. Even when we moved to an hour away from family no one offered to look after DD1 whilst I was having DD2 so I ended up having a homebirth.

honeysucklejasmine · 15/04/2018 20:38

For dc1, my husband and a friend were there for labour (and just Dh for birth as we went to theatre), friend stayed overnight as DH dead on his feet. Then my parents and ILs over the few days we were in, as well as a friend who is a midwife.

Dc2, just Dh and dc1. We were only in one night. My dsis and her kids popped by the day we were discharged. My parents were on holiday so didn't meet dc2 for almost 3 weeks. ILs came when he was about 5 days old.

Figgygal · 15/04/2018 20:40

Ds1 my parents briefly as they had come to visit us to see baby and he was 13 days late so came the night before they flew back.

Ds2 the inlaws brought ds1 in to see his baby brother as I'd had a c section and struggled with bf so stayed in 3 days

Figgygal · 15/04/2018 20:41

That was the hospital visitors with both we had visitors the day after we got home

mindutopia · 15/04/2018 20:41

We had both ours at home, but we had no immediate visitors. Neither of our families live close (dh’s about 1.5 hours away for the closest, mine are overseas). We have friends nearby but they aren’t our closest lifelong friends (again they all live about 2 hours away, extended family 2-6 hours, all want to stay the night if they visit so not ideal!). With our first, first visitors we’re at 10 days and 2nd time at 2 weeks. With our first, we did request no visitors for at least a week, but this time really it was more just no one had time to visit until then. Our frywho did come at 2 weeks had 5 hour round trip to see us. Family came later when they could (my mum at 4 weeks as she’s a long haul flight away). Other friends trickled in around then. Close family still haven’t met him yet though because they live 6 hours from us and we don’t have a spare bed at the moment (not that we’d want houseguests!). Basically, give yourself the time to see how you feel. You may really want the company or you may need time to recover and bond.

namaste86 · 15/04/2018 20:58

My parents came a few hours after he was born (in birthing centre) My two brother and SIL were meant to come in the evening but we got transferred to main hospital and DS had to go to SCBU. Only grandparents were allowed so they couldn't come. DPs parents came the day after as they live 1.5hrs away.

When he was discharged to the post natal ward 5 days later, my Gran came with my parents. Then my brothers and SIL were finally able to come when he was 6 days old (all live an hour away).

I was happy to have close family visit as soon as, even after some difficulties, but they would have been very considerate and respectful if I only wanted a short visit etc. As it happens, the choice was taken out of our hands as DS needed to go to Special Care.

See how you feel OP. It's all depends on the birth, if you're up for it afterwards, etc.

Situp · 15/04/2018 21:03

Nobody except DH. I hate hospitals and don't want to have to make conversation with people when I have just had a baby.

Everyone understood and visited me at home later

Tfoot75 · 15/04/2018 21:06

Pointless to plan as you don’t know the circumstances. Dc1 my mum, sister and pil all cane together, baby born at 8am, transferred to another hospital for stitches in surgery and they visited during afternoon while my spinal block was still wearing off. First grandchild. Dc2 born at 12.30pm, transfer to another hospital and stitches in surgery again and dc1 at mums needing bedtime at 7pm meant no time for visiting. Then hold ups with discharge following day meant we didn’t get home til about 5pm, again no visitors, quick introduction to dc1 at home and parents/sister 10 minute visit. No extended family travelling to visit. I can’t believe people think they can plan these things before baby even arrives!

seeingdots · 15/04/2018 21:10

Don't worry about norms, just do what you want to do. We had just mine and DH's parents visit in hospital. All our siblings a few days later at home, which they were all completely fine with. I decreed no visitors the first day after we got back from the hospital, which didn't go down well with a particular (not even that close) relative but as far as I was concerned it was more important for us to get ourselves settled and make sure I had a chance to properly establish breastfeeding in comfort and privacy.

Original poster

Flyingchimps · 15/04/2018 21:19

@Tfoot75 it’s not really a case of thinking it can be planned before the baby arrives. It’s more a case of trying to check we weren’t overreacting by challenging MIL expectations! She’s a character, who was a nightmare on our wedding day, so we want to manage expectations now, so we shall leave it at that

OP posts:

letstryagainaaahhhh · 15/04/2018 21:20

Only my husband was with me in hospital. I had a very long labour and when I was taken to the maternity ward in the early hours, the noise was terrible and I could not sleep at all. I'd already been up for 48 hours before I got there, so I told them I wanted to leave as soon as possible. I think I was finally allowed to leave late afternoon, and one set of parents dropped round to see the baby and brought food that evening. The rest of our immediate family visited the day after. I was so exhausted and in quite a lot of pain from my stitches, that it's all a bit of a blur! But I would say as you have no idea what kind of labour you'll have, tell your families to be on stand by, but you'll let them know when and where you want them to visit once you've given birth!

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 15/04/2018 21:24

Dh, my mum, ds and ds's nanny. I was in for a few days after the birth as emcs and dd had suspected sepsis.

strawberrie · 15/04/2018 21:30

First baby was born in the early hours - I had my parents, sister and brother in law at afternoon visiting. In the evening they all came back, and so did PIL with Granny-in-law, and my best friend.

I’m sure they cant have all been at the bedside at the same time, they must have come in shifts!

Next morning my boss popped in as she was at the maternity unit for an antenatal appt herself and managed to persuade the midwives to be allowed in for five minutes.

Second baby was born late at night and we came home next day so no visitors.

kickingk16 · 15/04/2018 21:34

My (lovely) in-laws came on the first day and my parents would have come but they instead met us at home when we brought her back after 2 days (my mum had a hospital procedure at the same time which meant they couldn’t initially travel to visit).

My brothers (and partners/kids) came afterwards at home in the first week or so (as I did for their kids) and wider friends / family sort of staggered themselves over the subsequent weeks and months (which we appreciated without giving that direction).

It’s completely up to you, and you might not know in advance about how you feel. Luckily my family and I (and in laws) are all on a similar wavelength and aren’t the type to all descend on the hospital, but if yours are, and you’re not sure yet if that’s something you’d want then it might be worth warning them off it now rather than having to discourage them immediately after.

I would say that I found breastfeeding tough in the early days and in hospital I had to spend a lot of time trying to get my baby to latch and trying to feed. So I think if I had, had relatives / friends coming at every visiting slot I would have found it quite stressful. It does take you a while to recover as well and things can be sore and uncomfortable in those early days so you might feel you want to be on your own with your DP and newborn (but equally might feel the opposite, which is also fine).

Good luck with everything, it’s an exciting time!

Frazzled2207 · 15/04/2018 23:23

Only my parents both times, plus my dc1 who was brought in to meet dc2.

ificouldwritealettertome · 15/04/2018 23:24

Fucking everyone

Frazzled2207 · 15/04/2018 23:24

Btw my dMiL who really does not live very far away at all took nearly a week to turn up with our first

MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 15/04/2018 23:32

I was discharged 7 hours after getting onto the postnatal ward so didn't have any visitors at the hospital. If your birth is straightforward you might find there isn't time for anyone to visit.

My inlaws were looking after our dogs when we were discharged so we saw them and my SIL when we got home, then my parents and brother visited later that day. I had quite a few friends over to visit in the first week but tbh I didn't mind, it was nice to not feel so isolated.

Original poster

Flyingchimps · 15/04/2018 23:38

@Frazzled2207 I’m hopeful the MIL will stay away for us (she’s on holiday until 5 days before due date so we are hoping baby comes early) but whenever she does turn up she will bring her usual drama with her I’m sure 🙄

OP posts:

SoyDora · 15/04/2018 23:42

I said above that we were discharged very quickly so no one came to the hospital. Should have added that when we got home after DD2 was born (5 hours post birth) we were greeted by PIL’s (they live abroad and had come over for a month over my due date), my DM who was there anyway looking after DD1, and my DF and DSM. I didn’t mind though, we wouldn’t have been resting anyway due to DD1 (19 months) being there, and they didn’t stay long.

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