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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Who came to visit you and baby in hospital

71 replies

Flyingchimps · 15/04/2018 18:34

Hi all,

Just wondering- who did you have come to the hospital after you had given birth? And when did you start accepting visitors at home?

In my head.... DH would be there for the birth, then or parents (and I guess DH’s step mum and Dad too) could come if they wanted (as much as I really do not get on with MIL it is her first grandchild so surely she will have to be pleasant to me!)

But now there has been suggestions of siblings, and one of our friends who is going away 2 days after baby is due also wants to come.

It’s our first baby so I’m not sure of the norms and how I will feel so don’t want to be precious but also do not want to overload myself.

In terms of when you got home- when did you start accepting extended family over to visit?

Thanks :)

OP posts:

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MustBeThursday · 15/04/2018 19:24

First time round: DH at the birth, DM and stepDF at the hospital, PILs day after discharge as we were in a different city so needed to wait until the weekend. Local friends and family in the next few weeks - everyone else about a month after when we moved back to home town.

Second time: DH at birth, DM and stepDF and PILs in hospital, everyone else over the next 2 weeks while DH on paternity leave.

I did visit my newborn niece in hospital but mainly because I was working on the ward next door...

Arapaima · 15/04/2018 19:24

With DC1, my parents and my brother and SIL. I'm not that even close to my brother! DH's parents and sibling live too far away.

Bear2014 · 15/04/2018 19:26

I had 2 fairly complicated ELCS so I discouraged everyone from visiting until week 2 apart from immediate family. My sister drove us home from hospital with DD. DSIS and my parents brought DD to visit DS very briefly when he came along 3 years later. With DD, my parents visited on day 4 I think and PILs came to stay week 4 (very long journey).

Each to their own but v glad I did this. Both times I've been off my face on morphine, boobs akimbo attempting to bf and cateterised! Hardly dignified. First week at home attempting to establish bf and rest when you can, plus both mine were re-admitted on day 5 for jaundice so we had enough on our plates.

Set expectations low then shout people on the day if you're up to seeing them. Good luck!

MoodyTwo · 15/04/2018 19:28

I was in the hospital 6 hours and just me and DH, then my parents and the in laws the following day as I felt ok, then my brothers and sister the following day and just parents and my sister again that week and then the following week the rest of the family and close friends ...

IchFliegeNach · 15/04/2018 19:29

Both sets of parents and my DB and SiL (plus 2 small kids!) in the hospital which was lovely. Short visits though!
Then that evening went home to a house full 😂 same as above, plus best friends popping in etc etc. Over the next week, all our friends, family, close people from work dropped in for great short visits (but I did have my DM and DMiL on tea and biscuits duty! I sat on my backside and breastfed and ate things that were handed to me)

I did cancel everyone one day though when I felt awful and exhausted and weepy (prob day 3 or 4) and no one batted an eyelid. I jut stayed in bed.

Do what YOU can cope with. I generally have a house full anyway, and have lots of support, but I can imagine wanting much more space if that weren't the case.

Coolaschmoola · 15/04/2018 19:30

My mum was there for the birth at 1pm and came back for 6pm visiting - as did the following:

My brother, my dad and his wife, my mil and fil, plus my aunt and uncle.

It was lovely, but we are a very close family.

We went home the following day, no restrictions on visitors, people popped in as and when. We were out for family dinner 5 days after birth.

I know some people set rules and it really is down to the individual. For me, this was great.

bluechameleon · 15/04/2018 19:31

DS1 I was in for 3 days. DH was there all day every day. Both sets of parents visited twice, my sister and DH's brother visited once. It helped to pass the time.
DS2 I was in for 2 days. DH was there all day but left in the evenings to put DS1 to bed. Each set of parents visited once. DS1 visited twice.
All of our families live at least an hour and a half away so they all visted when we were home but not loads.

Aria2015 · 15/04/2018 19:35

I had in-laws a few hours after birth, my sil, my brother, cousin and cousins boyfriend, my mum and a friend. I was in for a few days. My mum spent loads of time with me to keep me company. I didn't mind visitors, there isn't loads to do and liked showing my baby off lol! When I got home my house had a revolving door of visitors. I didn't mind, my mum was staying with me so she made all the cups of tea etc.. if I'd had to run round after people then I would have minded.

GMtoBe · 15/04/2018 19:36

No one in hospital except dh. I had a traumatic birth and was in no state to see anyone, although my mum was one of my birth partners so she had seen me when dd was first born. It was nearly 2 weeks at home before immediate family visited and another 2 weeks before extended family visited. I preferred this because I struggled to even walk to the bathroom initially and stayed in bed all day. I loved just having dd and dh to myself with just the occasional midwife visit.

It's a completely personal choice because I know some people love having visitors straight away. Ultimately though it should be your choice and no one else's. You're the one giving birth after all!

Monkeypuzzle32 · 15/04/2018 19:38

No one visited in hospital but I was discharged the day after having my DD even after an EMCS , I think we took her to her first visit at about 2 weeks old.

Marmite27 · 15/04/2018 19:49

First baby, my parents, PIL’s, SIL and DH’s cousin and husband (who were actually the first visitors as visiting was 2pm-4pm and they were leaving to catch a flight at 2:30pm to go travelling for 12 weeks.

My brother and SIL were in their way to the hospital when we were discharged, so we diverted them and met them at home. I was in about 36 hours.

2nd baby, DD, my parents, PIL’s and SIL. My brother won’t as his wife is heavily pregnant herself and I’ve told them not to. My other BIL and BIL and SIL may come up (they lived away last time) depending how much longer I’m here (5 days and counting )

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 15/04/2018 19:50

DD1
My mum was there when I gave birth. She is lovely she will have a snuggle then disappear for a few days.
In hospital my dad, step mum oldest friends popped in, exMIL, sisters, my incle and 2 cousins

DD2 Mum was there then disappeared dad, step mum, sister and of course eldest daughter.

Dd3, pretty much the same, except DPs auntie came in with DP as she looked after the children, thought it was only fair she got a snuggle -
My DD2 made me laugh so much. She was only 2, she saw her little sister, reached over her with her chubby little arms and 'honk honked' her new baby sisters nose!
Sorry, I know you didn't ask for extra info but it still makes me laugh 2 years on

Anyway, the 'norm' is entirely up to you! You are free to change your mind last minute without guilt trips.
You might find you want the world and his wife around, or you are so tired you just want you, DP and baby to be left in peace! All of which are perfectly fine!

Foodylicious · 15/04/2018 19:51

Just DP at the hospital.
We stayed in one night.
Had our first visitors at around 10 days I think?
We had told people in advance we probably didn't want visitors for the first two weeks

BlancheM · 15/04/2018 20:02

No one, and the last time around it upset me because it was school finishing time so the other babies all had their older siblings visit. I'd been told I was to be discharged straightaway, so I put off any visits as I would be home soon, but the hours ticked by as I was waiting to be signed off.
And when I did get home, it was to a house full of people, and wasn't the lovely meeting I'd envisaged between all DCs.

FranticallyPeaceful · 15/04/2018 20:03

I have my parents, in laws, sibling. Because once I go home I don’t want visitors for awhile

itshappenedagain · 15/04/2018 20:05

With ds My mum and my Nan, my auntie as she collected us! But came home to a house full of relatives, I was shattered and I wanted everyone to go home so I could sleep.
With dd I was gone 3 hours after I had her and did the school run, and everyone popped over throughout the first few days, I wasn't as shattered that time and was glad if someone to hold her whilst I got things done.

I'd say nothing is set in stone yet.
One friend I went to see in hospital ( she asked me to go in) others have had a complete baby moon with no visitors for the first week.

Your baby so you decide.

Original poster

Flyingchimps · 15/04/2018 20:06

Brill thanks will just keepi being non-commital! MIL will no doubt kick up a fuss if we do not allow who she thinks should be allowed to visit in 🙄 but will leave that one with DH! I think he would be happy to have no one at all visit for the week he has off with baby 😂

OP posts:

stroan · 15/04/2018 20:06

My parents and grandparents, plus two friends.

We were in for 3 days after the birth and 7 days in total. No phone signal or Wi-fi so I was desperate for a friendly face and made DH invite some friends over.

I found short visits in hospital much easier than at home afterwards. We asked PIL to visit while we were in hospital, but they refused. Rocked up an hour after we arrived home and then again the next day. We’ll be much firmer next time as that day was absolutely awful.

stroan · 15/04/2018 20:06

Oh. My sister would have visited too but she was at home with her own newborn, born the day before mine!

MoonFacesMum · 15/04/2018 20:18

Both sets of parents, my siblings and their partners but not DH’s siblings as they are too far away and also a friend of mine and her DH came to see DC1 but not DC2 as DC2 was admitted to SCBU when she was supposed to come. I was in for four days with each DC.

CoodleMoodle · 15/04/2018 20:30

DH and DM were there for the birth. I was with DM when I was told to go to hospital, and DH made his way from work. I was quite happy to have them both there! After DD was born, her first actual visitor was MIL, then my godfather (who DD sees as her Granddad), then FIL after work. I think so, anyway.

The next day my best friend visited, and that was it. The grandparents all popped in and out over the three very long days we were in hospital. When we went home, SIL, BIL and DN came to visit after a few days.

When DC2 is born I want his first visitor to be 4yo DD (with DM), then my godfather/PIL/best friend, in whatever order is convenient for them. I'm determined to be at home ASAP though.

MombieMumbles · 15/04/2018 20:31

No-one visited us in hospital. We kinda pretty much knew in advance that we wouldn't want to see anyone - but that's just us. Upon going home, our parents and siblings gave us a day or two breathing space (at our request) before visiting. My mum was put out but I didn't care. DH and I both have families that are loud, in your face, opinionated, and tactless and I probably would have found their presence stressful. As for friends we did let people know to give us a few weeks before paying us a visit.

We're expecting another baby in the next few months and I think we'd rather be left alone at the hospital but once home we'd be happy for people to visit as soon as they want.

Everyone to their own. My friend and her husband had both sets of parents, all siblings and nieces visit them hours after their babies were born and they loved it!

SoyDora · 15/04/2018 20:32

No one, we were discharged 3 hours after birth with no 1 and 5 hours after no 2. Didn’t make it on to the ward.

IHateToCashew · 15/04/2018 20:33

No one. After three days of labour, I really didn't want visitors other than DH. We live around four hours from family that wanted to visit, but visiting hours were so restricted it seemed daft to travel that far for twenty minutes of seeing the baby.

IAmWonkoTheSane · 15/04/2018 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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