Daughter pregnant and not eating properly

[Raintonrebel]

Hi all

After some advice so I can stop being a nagging/caring parent!

My daughter is 16 weeks pregnant and while I was at hers yesterday was shocked to find she has very little in the fridge.

She is eating but shes just picking. Mainly soup, pasta and sauces and packets of crisps. There isn't a bit of fruit or veg in sight. She has takeaway on a weekend. I don't want to come over as the nagging mother but really concerned she just isn't eating healthily enough for her and her baby.

She did say she just hadn't been shopping yet. So I'm going to make some shepherds pies and stuff she can heat from the freezer.

Am I being paranoid?!

This makes me think of my first trimester when a mild but bleak prenatal depression made me struggle to be motivated to do anything, including shop or cook. Even a relatively mild depression can do this. Even so, I'd say the best way to handle it might be to invite her for dinner or turn up with a nice meal to share.

You sound like a lovely mum. I don't really see the harm in cooking her some food for the freezer, you don't have to make an issue of it - you could just say you remember how tired you used to get and wanted to help out and leave it at that.

I've found myself craving a lot of comfort food but also often been far too tired to deal with making it. I would have loved it if my mum had prepared shepherds pies or some other childhood favorite for me. You know your daughter though...

I do agree that pregnancy does crazy things to your appetite. I'm a 'veggie' currently eating a lot of steak...

It could definitely be fatigue in which case pre-made meals would be great. If it’s food aversion or sickness then turning up with food would be a bad idea! So I guess finding out what the issue is would help. Don’t worry about the baby if she doesn’t/can’t eat an optimal diet - it will be fine.

She's an adult, there's not much you can do. The baby will be taking what he/she needs, and really, your DD's health is own affair. Try and step back. I say this as a mother of an adult DS who's 5'10 and 7st.

Pre-pregnancy me would have been horrified at what pregnant me ate for the first 16 or so weeks of pregnancy. I’m 20 weeks and it’s only in the last couple of weeks I’ve been able to stock and had the energy to make healthier choices. My hospital canteen breakfast habit is out of control though 😂

My DD is coming up 19 weeks & I've joked with her, that my grandchild is going to come out "beige" 🙈😂

Everything she eats is "beige".. chicken nuggets, potato waffles, fish cakes ... She had chicken Kiev's & chips for breakfast the other morning 🙄🙈😂

I haven't nagged though, cos I'm just glad that she's actually eating

It's hard, I get it but I just think if I nag, it will just pee her off! As long as she's taking her vitamins, I'm sure baby is getting what he/she needs.

Congratulations on becoming a nanny/grandma

You sound like a nice mum but if I were you I wouldn't say anything.

I didn't get any actual morning sickness but like others have said, between about 10 and 18 weeks I just couldn't face eating certain things and for that reason we rarely had any food in the house as DH and I would buy meals on the basis of going to the shop and seeing if anything took my fancy on an ad hoc basis. Cooked veg was the absolute worst for making me feel queasy. Flavourless starchy carbs were the order of the day.

On a general note as well, my Mum has been pretty good at keeping her observations to herself (she must be on fire inside) and I'm really very grateful for that. Any well meaning advice coming from anyone, no matter how much I love them or they have my best interests at heart is giving me the total rage unless they are a medical professional and directly involved in mine and my baby's care and it makes me shut down all pregnancy related conversation very quickly if they ask about it. Congrats on your gandbaby to be!

My pre pregnancy diet was practically vegan with LOTS of fresh fruit and veg. Now I mostly live off chips, cake and the occasional steak. I'm really not eating a lot at the moment because I just can't. I've found smoothies and soup to be helpful.

I'd not respond very well to my DM poking her nose into my diet. It's bad enough when DH raises an eyebrow at my beautifully beige diet.

OK OK ladies point taken.... I will tread carefully. I did say in my original post I must just be over reacting. Part of being a mum right?!

Glad to hear I'm not the only one not eating very well! I'm trying to eat fruit but I'm more of a junk food person! And if I do eat a meal, I'll only manage about half before I start to feel sick! Morning sickness hasn't been too bad but eating a meal seems to make me feel worse for an hour afterwards. Glad to hear baby takes what it needs and it wont harm it.

In my opinion, it would annoy me if my mum decided to start mentioning to me about what I was eating. I wouldn't mind her making me dinners though, but I'm often round hers for an evening meal anyway so it depends on the circumstances really

If she told you that she just hasn't been shopping yet what would give you cause not to believe this?

Ultimately it's nice of you to be concerned but it's up to your daughter what she chooses to eat and her responsibility to eat healthily if she so chooses.

Unless you think their is a genuine financial reason why she can't, which it doesn't sound like you do, then I would be tempted to leave her to it.

Oh god I remember how dire I felt when I was pregnant. And I also remember how I couldn’t even look at chicken until about 38 weeks . Thankfully DD was born perfectly healthy and you’ll be pleased to hear I’ve just hoovered up half a rotisserie chicken for dinner . Honestly she will be fine- if you really want to offer something how about offering something to put in the freezer “for when baby is here and you don’t have time to cook”. I’d have appreciated that even if I might have shouted at you for suggesting I’m not eating enough right now!!

I ate terribly at that point in pregnancy, now I can’t stop eating ALL the food

You sound lovely!

There’s nothing wrong with casually offering frozen homemade meals for her freezer.
I’d word it along the lines of “I wondered if it might be helpful as I’m sure you must be tired” rather than “your diet isn’t good enough”.

Some people get a horrible taste in their mouth during pregnancy it could be that, alternatively she might have indigestion it’s very common.

Also I should mention that at 16 weeks I was incredibly fussy, I lost weight during second trimester because of it. I just couldn’t bring myself to eat what I didn’t REALLY feel like. It might be worth asking if there’s anything she really feels like that you can grab whilst you’re out shopping

Aww OP - I think that's a lovely idea - pregnant or not I always appreciate my mum cooking for me x

I'm probably very similar to your DD - used to have a huge appetite but whenever I'm pregnant it goes completely and I struggle to finish food. No morning sickness just uncomfortable fullness plus heartburn and bloating if I eat fruit and veg. I probably eat the equivalent of 2 small meals a day at the moment - my 2yr old had a bigger breakfast than me this morning and wolfed down a fruity snack before lunch. I weighed less when I gave birth to her than before I conceived and was not trying to diet!

Just to keep you all updated... Has a chat with her this afternoon and casually mentioned a lot of what's been said on here.

She said she doesn't eat full meals cos she gets half way through and isn't hungry anymore. She eats fruit at work and she knows her diet is rubbish but she's tired. But she always makes sure she has breakfast. Which I have seen when I'm there to be honest.

So I offered to make her some stuff for the freezer (shepherds pie and chilli) so she can microwave it when she comes in from work with a bag of veg or rice and she jumped at the chance. Said it would make things a lot easier for her.

Thank you all so much for your help and support with this - I'm pleased she's not the only one on a picky beige diet!!

That’s so lovely!

Well done Rain

Well done - what a lovely mum you are:) :)

Unless you want to really annoy her say nothing. I ate nothing but bread, potatoes, ham Nd cheese for the first three months due to the nausea. As long as somethings going in it is ok. Midwife said that babies are like paracites, they will take whatever they need and only you will suffer! Not the nicest way to talk of my unborn child but made me feel better!

Honestly, it’s nice you care but just leave her be. She’s probably emotional too so really won’t appreciate anything that may come across as a criticism.

@LaurG if you read a couple of messages above you'll see I spoke to her and she was fine.

Please don't worry. I'm 15 weeks pregnant (and we have 2 children) and my fridge is a sorry state. It's got a bit of veg in and mostly things like butter, milk, yogurt and some leftovers. Our freezer however is packed full of batch cooked dinners and frozen veg. We're doing a big shop on Saturday but if anyone looked in our fridge today they'd wonder how we were surviving.

Plus as others say you often go off food in pregnancy. The baby will get from her what it needs.