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Original poster

Giving scan pictures away

48 replies

babyb829 · 10/04/2018 12:49

Is it so normal for family to expect a scan picture?
Me and my partner went to our first scan and I invited my mother in law, I thought it would be nice to make her feel included. When the scan finished I went to the toilet, when I came out she had the strip of pictures and said 'I don't mind what picture I have but I would like this one' shocked and overwhelmed i replied 'oh right well il just show my mum them first' we then went to my mums to show her the pictures and I told her she can have one, she was very shocked I even offered! She ended up choosing the one my in law wanted, I thought that's okay as my in law got to come and at the end of the day it's my mum! So after we went my in laws to show other family, mother in law asked 'her' picture, I told her what's happened, she made such a big fuss and went very moody, i tried to smooth it over, said I thought I was only fair my mum has that one as you came to the scan, you can have any other. She made a big do about choosing another and when she did went to tear it off, somebody went to get the scissors. Obviously this reaction, with hormones, upset me but I let it go and didn't discuss it any further.
Anyway our next scan is approaching fast now and she's expecting to have first pick of the picture she wants of the strip. I don't want to go through this again, I want a full strip, so I thought about scanning the photos on some photo paper and giving her that, but I'm not sure how she will react to this, I don't think it will make her very happy. Someone suggested scanning them all then scanning another set for us, giving her a full set then letting her have 1 original one, is it unfair that I don't want to do this, I want my pictures? I don't feel anyone should just expect a picture? How do I get around this argument free but keeping happy too?!
She has got 2 daughters, one who has just had a baby and she was there through it all! I want her included but other comments have been made about doing things/how I should do them, I just want a bit of respect for what I want to do and not to make a fuss when I disagree with something.

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Aprilmightmemynewname · 10/04/2018 12:53

You are right to nip her ott attitude in the bud!! My ds /dil gave me a scan picture and a frame for dgs first pic!! Know for sure I wouldn't have reacted like your mil!!
Ime keeping her on a need to know basis will keep her at arms length and save your sanity!! It's good she is interested but there is a limit - before you know it she will have a coach booked for the delivery suit for all the family!

Flampingu · 10/04/2018 12:53

Tell her you’re not separating the pics and she can have a copy if she likes. YANBU

Caramina · 10/04/2018 12:54

How bizarre. My mother didn't ask for a picture when I had an early scan. I just took a photo of it on my phone and sent it to her...

MyKingdomForBrie · 10/04/2018 12:55

Can you pay for an extra strip? You pay for pics at my hospital. It was a a bit demanding of her, next time just say you want to keep the strip together and she can see them at your house. Smile, change subject.

WatchingFromTheWings · 10/04/2018 12:57

It's not normal. I'd just scan and keep the originals hen print her out a copy.

Jozxyqk · 10/04/2018 12:57

Tell her if she wants a copy of the scan pics she's welcome to a copy. Our hospital charged for all pics, BTW.

GeekyWombat · 10/04/2018 12:57

Take photos of them all individually on your phone and then send them to grandparents to print off whichever they want. You keep all the originals.

Honestly, if they're behaving like children treat them like them. 'This way you can all have all of them and no-one needs to feel left out or like they didn't get the photo they like best'.

Ubercornsdiscoball · 10/04/2018 12:58

We don’t even get scan pictures!

ineedamoreadultieradult · 10/04/2018 12:59

I have never known anyone ask for or be given a scan photo other than the parents of the baby.

Thelampshadelady · 10/04/2018 13:00

I do think you are supposed to scan or photocopy pics are they are printed on heat sensitive paper which can spoil the original.
My mil kicked up such a stink because we wouldn’t give her a picture and she thought my mum had one. (She didn’t and still hasn’t got one).
We didn’t want her to have one because she would show everyone and me and dh are very private about the pregnancy (33 weeks today and still haven’t told everyone) and quite honestly what does she want with a grainy black and white image of someone else’s baby.

Thelampshadelady · 10/04/2018 13:02

Sorry, don’t think not do think.

Original poster
babyb829 · 10/04/2018 13:05

Thank you for all your comments! I didn't want to think it was me being unreasonable towards her! This is our first baby and the pictures feel very precious and a nice keepsake for us, I just want too enjoy them altogether!

OP posts:
Original poster
babyb829 · 10/04/2018 13:15

Obviously, I want her to be happy too but I don't want to keep bending over backwards to do this it makes it hard work and I feel like I should really have to but at the same time I don't want it to upset my partner, I thought inviting her to the first scan would be enough to make her feel involved and a part of this.
She was on about getting us a 4d scan so she could have a teddy with the heartbeat on and then told me 8 people can come in the room, she named to people to also be coming! It just feels a bit much I know she offered to get it for us but surely it would be for us to enjoy not for her to decide on what happens, were not finding out the sex so I've managed to get out of that one

OP posts:
BossWitch · 10/04/2018 13:18

You need to nip this in the bud now or she'll walk all over you once the baby is here.

SeeKnievelHitThe17thBus · 10/04/2018 13:29

We sent a scanned copy of scan photos to family when we were expecting DS but no-one got originals apart from us.

At our hospital the machine where you pay specifically stated only paying for one set - you couldn't ask for extra sets of prints even if you offered to pay.

SiolGhoraidh · 10/04/2018 13:31

She sounds like a nightmare. I've never even considered giving away original scan photos, not when everyone has a camera phone.
Not surprised you were overwhelmed and felt pressured into giving her one, what a thing to ask!

OakIsBetterTho · 10/04/2018 13:42

She sounds rather overbearing. You'll need to get your boundaries straight now, otherwise it'll just cause hassle further down the line. Of course you want her to be happy but your happiness comes first! Just take photos on your phone and send them on to her, that's more than enough.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 10/04/2018 13:46

Presumably this was a private scan if you got a whole load of photos? If so, and if your next one is your 12 week, then the problem might solve itself as some hospitals will only let you buy one! If you're having more private scans then tbh, as childish as she's being about it, it might be as well to have an extra set printed, as they'll more than happily do it for not much extra, and avoid the whole hassle. I can see why you'd want to stand on principle, though!

Felicitycity · 10/04/2018 13:47

FGS

Loandbeholdagain · 10/04/2018 13:48

No!!! Not normal at all! We took photos of our pictures and sent them to close family but kept the originals. The fact she is being so unbelievably demanding at such an early stage would worry me. You are very vulnerable after just having a baby and need support not manipulation and pressure. Did you actually want her there at the scan? Don’t do things to please her, she will keep pushing until she finds your limit and you have to say no. You will end up saying no eventually so better to draw a firm line so you aren’t giving away precious moments. I love my MIL and she is very supportive and helpful when she can visit but she would never have expected much less demand this. She also totally excepted that I would want my mum to help immediately after birth and was very careful in the early days to allow us to set the agenda. As a result we are now very close because she built so much trust.

happymummy12345 · 10/04/2018 13:51

We got 4 pictures at both scans. We were there just the 2 of us, exactly how we wanted it to be. We picked the best pictures for ourselves to keep. Then the other 3 we chose at random. By which I mean they were all in the cardboard to protect them so we couldn't see what picture was what. So we chose like that because we thought it was the fairest way. 1 was for my mum and stepdad, 1 was for my dad and 1 for dh's parents. We thought it was fair that all parents got a picture from both scans.

Greenhouseonthehill · 10/04/2018 13:51

I gave my MIL a scan pic as we had a whole strip, but she didn’t ask.

Your MiL shouldn’t have been taking her pick from YOUR pictures. What a cheek.

windchimesabotage · 10/04/2018 13:53

That is weird!!I sent copies of my scan photos to my parents and ILs but no way would I have ever given the original pics out to anyone. Why would you have to do that when you can make copies easily now days?
Cant believe she took the scissors to your scan photos!

number1wang · 10/04/2018 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrstumbletap · 10/04/2018 13:55

I just scanned or photocopied them and anyone that asked could have one.

She obviously had her heart set on one and obviously thought she was with you for the scan so she might get first choice, she probably just really wanted a particularly cute one. Why can’t you just do a copy of the one your mum has so they both have it?

Does seem a bit harsh when she says I really would love this one and then that specific one gets given away. Just make copies and the drama is over.

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