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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Giving scan pictures away

48 replies

babyb829 · 10/04/2018 12:49

Is it so normal for family to expect a scan picture?
Me and my partner went to our first scan and I invited my mother in law, I thought it would be nice to make her feel included. When the scan finished I went to the toilet, when I came out she had the strip of pictures and said 'I don't mind what picture I have but I would like this one' shocked and overwhelmed i replied 'oh right well il just show my mum them first' we then went to my mums to show her the pictures and I told her she can have one, she was very shocked I even offered! She ended up choosing the one my in law wanted, I thought that's okay as my in law got to come and at the end of the day it's my mum! So after we went my in laws to show other family, mother in law asked 'her' picture, I told her what's happened, she made such a big fuss and went very moody, i tried to smooth it over, said I thought I was only fair my mum has that one as you came to the scan, you can have any other. She made a big do about choosing another and when she did went to tear it off, somebody went to get the scissors. Obviously this reaction, with hormones, upset me but I let it go and didn't discuss it any further.
Anyway our next scan is approaching fast now and she's expecting to have first pick of the picture she wants of the strip. I don't want to go through this again, I want a full strip, so I thought about scanning the photos on some photo paper and giving her that, but I'm not sure how she will react to this, I don't think it will make her very happy. Someone suggested scanning them all then scanning another set for us, giving her a full set then letting her have 1 original one, is it unfair that I don't want to do this, I want my pictures? I don't feel anyone should just expect a picture? How do I get around this argument free but keeping happy too?!
She has got 2 daughters, one who has just had a baby and she was there through it all! I want her included but other comments have been made about doing things/how I should do them, I just want a bit of respect for what I want to do and not to make a fuss when I disagree with something.

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darceybussell · 10/04/2018 14:00

Gosh what a load of fuss over nothing! I think the first mistake might have been letting her come to the scan. I'd just keep her at arm's length and next time go on your own and send her a message with a photo of the scan afterwards.

IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 10/04/2018 14:30

Nip this in the bud right now or you'll seriously regret it when the baby is born!

Original poster

babyb829 · 10/04/2018 14:50

Thanks all again!! It's finding the best way to put this to my partner now without him thinking I want to upset anyone purposely, but it can't continue like this! She doesn't seem to like anything I want to do or try and do!
I don't enjoy drama and would like it drama free as possible, I can't see that happening right now! Haha

OP posts:

Aprilmightmemynewname · 10/04/2018 14:50

Remember op this is your baby not mil's!! You really don't have to consider her feelings at every step of your pregnancy.
You need to get tough really soon.

FallenAngel89 · 10/04/2018 14:53

Scan pictures are quite expensive just for 1 these days so yanbu to copy them!

Speedy85 · 10/04/2018 15:02

I like my MIL but wouldn't have wanted her there at the scan. It's a medical procedure and I don't think I would want anyone other than DH if something had gone wrong with the baby.

I also wouldn't entertain the idea of a 4D scan with 8 people. I don't like the idea of being on display like that.

I agree with others, best to nip it in the bud and establish firm boundaries. Also, as she's your MIL your DH should be supporting you and talking to her on behalf of both of you.

llangennith · 10/04/2018 15:14

Your scan is a private occasion. Tell all concerned that it’ll be just you and your partner at any future scans and appointments. You need to be firm now or she’ll be taking over your lives by the time the baby’s born.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 10/04/2018 15:28

There are no words to describe how it felt when DS and DIL gave us one of their scan pictures. And how very, very excited all the prospective ggps were to find out the news when they too, were given copies. BUT, it was always up to DS and DIL to decide what, if any pictures to give. We would never had dreamed of asking for one, or stating a preference for one over another.
I do understand though, the need to keep your MIL at arm's length - she is taking too many liberties. Your Dh needs to sort it out .
On a slightly different note, the scan pictures we were given came in a little folder which expressly states not to expose the picture to extreme heat or light as it could damage the picture. As others have suggested, if you choose to show any more scan pics, photograph them on your phone and send them that way.

darceybussell · 10/04/2018 15:35

Only one of my scan pictures was any good anyway because the baby didn't really cooperate with posing for photos - tell her she can have the blurry ones

EasterRobin · 10/04/2018 15:35

That's a bit weird. I'm sure you can get an extra strip printed off at the time though (for more money).

Lauren83 · 10/04/2018 15:35

I gave one to DM and MIL but they didn't expect one and didn't specify which, and I did have 11 scans, first grandchild so both over excited and wanted to take them in work (not that non family care about people's scan pics!)

Mrsx79 · 10/04/2018 15:39

God do people really care about scan photos like that? Bargaining ans clamouring for them. In a few months when the baby is here they will get cast into a box somewhere and never looked at again.

CloudCaptain · 10/04/2018 15:43

We got to choose the image at the scan and then could pay for up to 4 prints. I gave dm and Mil one, kept the other 2 for the baby book. With baby not I tried to get an image in a similar pose to compare. We could already see his profile was different to his brothers.

Pinkvoid · 10/04/2018 15:45

Very strange behaviour and no, not normal in the slightest. It wouldn’t have even entered my mind to offer others my scan photos...

Original poster

babyb829 · 10/04/2018 15:48

I completely understand she's excited and I want her to be a part of this, but she's becoming a bit much and I really did find the whole situation very upsetting! We get on so we'll normally and I don't want to look like or made out to be the daughter law from hell, I've tried hard to make her feel included, but I feel as if it's coming back to bite me little

OP posts:

Littlemisssugarplum88 · 11/04/2018 11:53

Whatever you do, DON'T scan the images. My friend did this and the heat completely wiped the images and she wasn't able to get another copy xx

Cornishclio · 11/04/2018 19:03

For goodness sake why are some mums and MILs so precious. YANBU to keep all the photos yourself.

When my DD had her scans I think they offered us a copy from their early private scan as they got lots of copies but for all the others I was quite happy to just have copies sent to my phone. They just photographed it and sent it.

You may have made a rod for your back by asking her to the scan in the first place. There has to be boundaries I think. My DD and her husband went on their own to get their scans of DD1 and DD2. Neither me nor her husbands mum made a fuss or expected to be invited. Sometimes the more you give the more people expect. I cannot believe the cheek of "I don't mind which I have but I want this one!!". She is not entitled to any of them. They are your pictures.

surreygirl1987 · 11/04/2018 19:37

Oh I just took a photo of the scan pics to keep for myself and gave my in-laws/ parebts the real pics (surprised them in a card). I really wasn't fussed. I Do think it's a bit weird that she demanded it though- mine would never have actually asked!

scrivette · 11/04/2018 20:00

All scans look the same to me - just print a random one off of the internet

Seriously thorough, she sounds like hard work
and I think you are right to try to nip this in the bud now.

Flyingchimps · 12/04/2018 09:35

We had a similar(ish) issue with my MIL. We got to 20 weeks with her not showing any interest at all about the pregnancy, no checking in etc and DH was getting pretty frustrated that all the rest of both his and my family would check in periodically but his mother had shown no interest.

We went out for mother’s day lunch with the MIL and had to have a repeat 20 week scan a few days later. Due to a complicated pregnancy we had already had 4 scans and sent pics of the photos to her phone to no reply or real interest, yet over lunch she declared that she wanted a ‘proper picture’ of the next scan. DH handled it very well and said as we only get a few photos we would be keeping them and as we have with the previous scans we will send her a picture of the photos. She wasn’t overly amused but he was firm in the decision and it didn’t require me to say anything.

Now at nearly 28 weeks we have another scan coming up and again she has started on about pictures, we explained you don’t get them as baby gets bigger but she’s insistent she should get something so DH has just told me to go to the scan, and then message everyone saying how I got on, no need to even revisit the photo situation.

In all honesty it sounds like something your partner needs to speak to his mum about- my mum and his dad have been perfectly happy with pictures of the scan being sent to their phones (FIL even asked for them to be sent annotated as to what part was what 😂) and my parents have made all the right noises when the photos have been sent (Mum has ‘the blob’ as her screen saver). No one has been invited to any of the scans other than DH and if he is unavailable I’ve gone alone, and it will only be me and DH at the hospital (if baby is early both sets of in laws are actually on holiday- MIL has already started on about how I must keep baby in until she arrives home🙄 again DH has dealt with her)

Newdad82 · 12/04/2018 12:36

Speaking from a partners point of view, there is no way i’d stand for that if my Mother or MIL were acting in that way.

Your husband should understand and quietly tell his mother to behave. Please don't feel like you’re being in any way nasty or inconsiderate.. You’re not!

I’ve already had my MIL saying she would like to come to scans etc.. i said im sorry but this is the start of my little family and i want to enjoy these moments with just my wife

Bojangles33 · 12/04/2018 12:44

Usually you can pay for extras, so I'd just do that if it's an option! Otherwise scan them and print her a copy.

thumbelina03 · 12/04/2018 13:11

My MIL wanted a scan photo so I gave her one of the original ones, but she’s also 6 hours away and I think it was her way of feeling part of it all. I didn’t mind as we had a strip.

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