When to have a baby shower / reveal party?

[JessicaJones1]

I'm hoping to have a little party to reveal the sex of our baby and was wondering when others have had or plan on having theirs? How long should I wait?

OP just do it! I had one and it was so much fun. There are so many miserable and anxious times during pregnancy, this is jsut a fun way to celebrate. For the poster who mentioned that is it grabby and tacky, showers can be done in a really classy way and also you can also request no gifts. Alternatively, if you're worried about coming across as grabby you can ask people not to buy anything, but if they wish then maybe their favourite baby book. It's not so much about the revel/shower, but an opportunity to have fun with friends and family who are excited for you.

Never. it's too tacky and hideously self-obsessed.

If you want to 'reveal' the gender, just tell people.

It is possible that some people’s families and friends are actually really excited about there being a new baby, why is that so hard to believe?

It isn't about how excited your family are about the baby. Mine are ludicrously excited about my pregnancy (which also took us some time and some sadness). They would still think I had gone bonkers if I announced we were doing a gender reveal. They're excited about the baby; what kind of genitals it has is less of a big deal.

Though maybe the results of referenda should be shot out of a cannon in different colours or indicated by all political leaders slicing into a cake with different-coloured fillings (Red for 'passed', blue for 'didn't pass'...?)

Where were you in June 2016?! That would have livened up the Brexit results no end.

Y'all are a bunch of hormonal pregnant folk!

OP didn't ask IF she should have one, simply when!

Didn't anyone's mothers teach them 'if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.'?

OP, I'd do a gender reveal any time after finding out the sex. I had a private scan at 16w specifically for gender so they were pretty sure. I know the NHS 20 weeks scans are a medical procedure and finding out the gender can sometimes be a bonus. So I'd just say wait till you're 100% confident.

As for baby showers, I think they should be 30+ weeks onwards personally. So you know the biggest hurdles have been jumped and you're nearing the finish line. My friend threw me a surprise one for my current (5th and final!) baby at 36 weeks. But it's really whatever you feel most comfortable with.

Good luck, and enjoy the memories with family!!

showers can be done in a really classy way and also you can also request no gifts

That’s not a shower. It’s just a party. By definition, showers are held to ‘shower’ the guest of honour (bride-to-be, mother-to-be etc) with gifts.

Y'all are a bunch of hormonal pregnant folk!

Nope. I thought gender reveals and showers were grabby and tacky before, all the way through, and since my most recent pregnancy. Nice to see it doesn't take much to get you to resort to misogynistic insults though.

Baby showers I have been to have generally been between 28 and 32 weeks.

Baby showers, I like, they're sweet and it's nice to celebrate something nice. Reveal parties can fuck off, very cringey imo. Especially if there's a dramatic balloon/cake/etc OH MY GOODNESS moment which has been filmed to inevitably go on instagram for the likes.
Sorry.

I'm organising my sisters baby shower and she will be 36 weeks!

Op if you want to have this party it’s entirely up to you I’m sure you and your friends and family will have a lovely time, sorry you’re getting so much unsolicited criticism, I hope it hasn’t dampened your planning enjoyment :)

OMG I for one will be having a reveal party, and mine and my OH families can't wait. I feel for those who said 'no one cares' 😂. Make the most of your pregnancy and do what right for you! We're having ours after 20 week scan 😘! I hope you have a lovely day xx

Never

I personally wouldn't have either.

In regards to a reveal party, I'm not finding out the sex. Even if I was, I cringe a little bit at the idea of having a party just to tell people whether I'm having a girl or a boy.

In regards to baby shower, just no. No no no. The 'shower' bit implies that you are to be showered (usually with gifts). It's grabby and in my opinion extremely self indulgent.

The only time I think it's ok (maybe), is when you specifically ask not to be given any gifts or money.

As to when you should do it? Never!

@AsAProfessionalFekko no. I didn’t. I didn’t care. And it made precisely no difference to planning or being organised.

Baby showers and reveal parties are both cringey. Plenty of time to celebrate babies when they’ve been born.

I'm not so keen on baby showers but I think a get together and a reveal for family is actually really nice.

Of course family and friends are going to be excited and interested in ops pregnancy and baby

Op have one and enjoy it. On mumsnet is finding out the sex of a baby frowned upon and seen as tacky!

Mumsnet at its best. Op says she is going to have a small gathering and asking when people held theirs/advice about timings.
Followed by 2 pages of people chuntering about tacky , american and indeed baby showers being grabby.
Op, my friends/colleagues tend to do this aroud the 30 week mark. Have fun

How old are all the people on MN who think baby showers are wrong/grabby?

Is it an age thing? Or perhaps a what part of the UK you are from thing?

Absolutely everyone I know who has had a baby in the past 10 years (from in/around London, under 35) has had one and the only time I ever thought one was a bit "grabby" was where we were each asked (in the form of a poem) to buy the baby a book instead of a present but also sent a gift lift and asked to to buy a present . FYI, I couldn't make it anyway, so the baby just got a gift once born.

< totally misses point of post>

Also London, know many mums of all ages and not one of them has ever had a shower or "reveal party" or whatever they are called.

I don't think it's an age or regional thing. I think the former is a grabby thing and the latter is an attention seeking thing!

I would never do a baby shower, much less a 'reveal'. The former is unnecessary in this day and age and too much about conspicuous consumption, and the latter places undue and ultimately damaging importance on what should be an incidentsl detail - a PP put it well: 'the last thing we need is to further foster the idea that a child's biological sex tells you anything much of importance about them and what they will be like'.

But reading all the 'ugh, how vulgar' and 'ugh, how tacky' and even 'ugh, how American' (!) on this thread demonstrates that old-fashioned British snobbery is alive and well, and I'm not sure I don't find that worse.

"But reading all the 'ugh, how vulgar' and 'ugh, how tacky' and even 'ugh, how American' (!) on this thread demonstrates that old-fashioned British snobbery is alive and well, and I'm not sure I don't find that worse."

I think it's extremes like this that keep the standards up! If people didn't voice their "It's tacky" true thoughts, if you had your way and they were silenced, then goodness knows what would be happening next - hair colour reveal, bf or ff announcement, video of conception party...

I like being a "snob", I'm good at it lol!

JessicaJones1 I think any excuse for a meeting of all the people who love you is a great one. I hope you have a great time at your party.

To all those people who use the words 'tacky' and 'grabby' what is wrong with you? I have never visited a new mum, who of course I care for, without a gift for her and something for the baby. Basic manners people! It's a huge achievement!

I have never visited a new mum, who of course I care for, without a gift for her and something for the baby.

Nobody has said that they wouldn’t do this. Quite a few people have expressed discomfort with doing so before the baby has safely arrived, however.

Of course one gives gifts to people. It’s the people asking for those gifts, making lists of which gifts people should give them and holding parties for the purpose of being showered with gifts that is grabby!

I must say at several showers I have attended, I have been asked specifically not to bring gifts. Never been to a gender reveal. Are those types of showers grabby too and attention seeking too?

Or baby showers thrown by others because they really want to do that for a friend/family member? Are those mum's to be grabby too?

What about people who have sprinkles? For the initiatiated, that's like a smaller version of baby shower - as far as I know gifts are definitely not expected and are held when a person is having child number 2+

I'm just really surprised how offended these events seem to make people on MN. It's not as if they are hurting anyone and it's not mandatory for anyone to throw one, attend one or give a gift.

But, to (finally) answer the actual question, my baby shower (hosted by my sister - something she wanted to do for me) was around 7 months. And I did not have a gift list/did not want gifts , but then was told through my sister that several guests had said they would have preferrred me to have one, as it would have made their shopping task easier.

But back to what I was dating, my shower was bit earlier than I wanted, but a lot of friends were going to be travelling abroad for a friend's wedding a month later, so we went earlier, to make sure everyone could come. I would have wanted mine a bit later closer to 8 months but for what some MNetters would call the "grabby" people, i know some people do prefer them a bit earlier, so they could see what they get versus what they still need to buy

I must say at several showers I have attended, I have been asked specifically not to bring gifts. Never been to a gender reveal. Are those types of showers grabby too and attention seeking too?

They weren't showers, Need. Simple.