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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

finding out the sex

35 replies

bumbly · 09/05/2007 10:49

discuss..

am curious to know what you all think about it? do you agree? do you want to keep the sex a surprise till due date? but also if you did go ahead with finding out...what happened and what did you feel? happy? disappointed? upset? surprised? did it helped to bond more with "bump"? etc

OP posts:
KerryMum · 09/05/2007 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bumbly · 09/05/2007 10:52

"surprised" I guess because sometimes I have heard one is utterly convinced to have say a girl and it turns out a boy...or vice versa

OP posts:
fifisworld · 09/05/2007 10:54

I didnt find out when i was pregnant with ds as he was our first, so wanted a surprise and we werent bothered what he was as we didnt have either anyway.
Im pg with #2 and we are finding out what this one is, but really just for practical reasons ie clearing out the boys things we have if its a girl etc.

Twinmummyx2 · 09/05/2007 10:57

I didn't find out with my first..i was young and didn't know you could Tbh....i found out with all the rest though. I didn't find it took the 'suprise' away. Seeing who babs looked like, weight, eye colour were all suprise enough for me...lol And i liked to be organised too...lol

Gumbo · 09/05/2007 10:57

Both DH and I wanted to know. There were numerous reasons (not the least of which is because I'm not big on surprises at the best of times, least of all after 27 hours of labour).

I think, though, the main reason we found out was that due to serious complications I had a significantly increased chance of miscarriage and stilbirth. We therefore wanted to know everything we could about our baby in case it was suddenly taken from us.

I'm really glad we found out - would do so again.

apeainapod · 09/05/2007 10:58

DS1 was a surprise - but we always 'knew' he was going to be if that makes sense. W eonly had boys names really in our head, every time we went shopping we would gravitate towards blue etc..

We found out with DS2 and DD and have just found out that we are expecting another girl.

We live abroad and it really is very difficult to buy anything here so we have to do a years clothes shopping in advance - hence it's good to know what we are having.

SleepIsForTheWeak · 09/05/2007 10:59

we didn't find out with DS which was great! I loved wondering, and doing housewives tales to work it out! It was great to have the surprise after the labour.... loved it. Not disappointed at all. He was our first though, I would probably find out the sex for the 2nd...

mad4girls · 09/05/2007 11:23

i wanted the surprise with 1st really wanted to know with number 2 but when we went for a scan she crossed her legs, was convinced was having boys with both, and wanted and had girls.

now pg with number 3 and newdp desperately wants to know he has 2 ds, so really wants a girl i also want another girl(which ppl find strange they keep saying dont you want a boy but never have, ppl still dont believe me) but not decided whether to find out sex or not this time as dont want dp to be dissapointed if its a boy,and paranoid that they will get i worng, no girls in dp family for 55 years so no pressure or anything!!

RGPargy · 09/05/2007 11:44

I didn't want to know with DS as he was my first and i wanted a "surprise". However, I always knew i was having a boy right at the very end of my pg.

Now i'm pg with number 2 and i DO want to know what i'm having. The reason i want to know is because if i'm having a girl, i want to mentally prepare myself lol. I'm not saying that she'd be loved any less or anything but both my DP and I are hoping for a boy so i will need time to get used to the idea of having a girl before she comes along.

I would hate to be wishing for a boy all through my pregnancy, only to have a girl and feel disappointed (IYSWIM), not that i think i would be, but well, y'know

Does that make sense?

alicet · 10/05/2007 21:05

I am definately finding out. We did with our son and it definately made it all seem more real and he felt like a real baby if that makes sense? I found it all a bit surreal being pregnant the first time - I think its very difficult imagining something you don't know anything about! I can understand people wanting a surprise but to be honest having your first baby is more than enough of a surprise trust me!!!!

This time we will be gutted if they can't see!

Oh and I would caution you from making too many plans and buying too much sex specific stuff - they are only about 80% accurate most of the time(although I think slightly more if its a boy)!

chocolatekimmy · 10/05/2007 22:03

Been discussed before but I didn't find out with any of my three. Didn't see the point in having information that may not even be accurate.

I personally enjoyed the surprise and having the excitement of not knowing

Lemmiwinks · 11/05/2007 01:22

DH and I wanted to know right from the beginning. We had to know simply b/c you naturally think of the baby in your mind as a she or he, otherwise it's too abstract, if you know what I mean. We found out baby was a girl and we're SOOO pleased we did, even more so than we thought we'd be. In my opinion, it gives you time to get your head around whatever you are having and it suddenly made it all seemed "real" b/c now we knew we were having a daughter rather than just a "baby", if that makes sense! I really feel so much more bonded to the baby since finding out the sex, definitely. I am able to picture her as a little girl rather than a sexless being. People say they want a "surprise" at the birth but to be honest, that idea does nothing for me. I'm sure I'll get loads of people writing to say this isn't the case of course but regardless, I think the people who don't want to find out either have a preference for one sex or the other and won't admit it to even themself (or maybe they would) or else they are people that over-romanticise these things. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I'm just saying..!

As for people who say it's not accurate, that all depends on where you go for a scan and how well trained the person performing the scan is. In reality in this day and age, it doesn't happen that often that they get it wrong, it's very rare. I rely on them to look for serious problems in the baby and they look at every minute detail of the heart, brain, arteries, blood flow, etc so I think I can rely on them for something so much less important as the sex! Plus with 3d scans anyone can basically see what sex the baby is, kinda hard to mistake!

I don't think there's a right or wrong way to go about these things tho, it's totally a personal preference. What works for one person doesn't work for another. For DH and I, we are so pleased we found out and we will definitely find out for future children as well.

lispy · 11/05/2007 05:06

I couldn't imagine not knowing beforehand. How can anyone say they want a surprise? I found having a BABY surprising enough, don't think being told it's gender would have added anything to my day! In fact, I'm not sure I would have cared when you have a little baby to hold. Do you like yellow clothes??? There's not much quality gender neutral out there!

InTheseShoes · 11/05/2007 06:13

Both my two (ds, 5, ds/dd, ETA 14 days) are surprises, I have the opposite to lipsy, I can't imagine knowing! With ds I had a strong "boy" feeling all the way through, with this one, it really will be a surprise! Yes, the neutral clothing is a bit limited, but in my mind that leaves me time and money for gender specific shopping to look forward to!

chocolatekimmy · 11/05/2007 11:22

lemmiwinks - strange comments about over romanticising and people not wanting to know having a preference (and not admitting it)

I didn't care in the slightest what the sex was for any of my three - the only critical thing for us was that it was healthy.

Its a good job for you that you are living in these times - before scans etc no one had a choice so I can't see what the big deal is now. Its only a choice of 2 isn't it.

Lispy - how can having a baby in itself be surprising? Its not like it just appears one day without you having any idea (only in rare cases). Where does the yellow clothes thing come from? You only have to go to the shops within days of the birth to buy pink or blue or get someone to get a few things on the day.

treacletart · 11/05/2007 11:35

DS was a surprise and it was lovely having Dh tell me we had a boy when he was born.

This time I just felt I wanted to be a little more prepared with hand me downs and ebay bargains etc. I also felt it might be a little easier for DS if he knew in advance although, like us, he seemed very unconcerned about whether he would get a brother or sister.

We asked them no to tell us at the hospital, but got them to write it down on a little folded card and then seal it in an envelope for us. We then took it with us to a posh restaurant for lunch and opened it with a glass of champagne. We both gasped when we read we're having a girl! (TBH I also have an unusual aversion to the fluffy/glitzy/pink/lilac/bunny stuff and I'm enjoying having a bit more time to collect nice baby girl clothes of the non-sickly kind. Harder than you might think!)

Cyee · 11/05/2007 13:28

I'm 32 weeks with my first and we did find out. I think it's mainly because I'm nosey. The other reason was that I was worried I'd get fixated on one gender rather than the other, and be disappointed if it wasn't the one I wanted. As it happens I don't now think I'd have been like that at all (!) and agree that it's all about them being healthy. Perhaps gender might become more important after the first one, if you're keen to have a certain type of mix. I personally don't mind.

We didn't have the sonographer tell us though, we asked her to write it down and pop it in an envelope. We then opened it at home which was lovely. We are more than aware that it could be a mistake. Everything we bought is neutral anyway.

Amazingly we haven't told anyone in RL. I thought I'd inadvertently give it away, but haven't done.

squishy · 11/05/2007 13:48

I wanted a girl, desperately, possibly because my Mum died when I was v. young and don't feel I ever had that special relationship. DH wanted a boy. Neither of us really really wanted to know. Our local authority charge £50 to tell you at a special scan or they refuse. We went into the scan thinking, if we saw something that confirmed the gender, then it was meant to be. ..... but we didn't!

On the day, after 36 hours of contractions every 3 minutes (induced - badly!) and an awful, traumatic birth, they put this little blob covered in blood and meconium on me, facing away from me and I was sooooo relieved to see the leg twitch. I asked what the gender was and they said have a look and lifted the bottom, but because of all the gunk, what could have been girl bits could also have been the underside of boy bits IYSWIM.

When they told me it was a girl, it was the BEST surprise ever!! Waffled on there, but it was lovely not knowing (and I'd called her "he" all the way through my pregnancy, quite happily!).

Oh, and the comment about yellow clothes - I hate pink but LOVE my daughter in white, white, white!! (and now she's a bit bigger, creams and a few other colours!)

PrettyCandles · 11/05/2007 13:52

I was quite curious, but dh didbn't want to know, so we agreed not to find out beforehand. I'm very glad that we didn't, because I now know that there is absolutely nothing like discovering it for yourself. Holding your child for the first time, gazing at them, touching them, drinking them in, getting to know them without any prejudice over 'what' they are is...indescribably mind-blowing. I shall never forget those moments.

Princesspowersparkle · 11/05/2007 13:57

I was always adament I'd never want to find out, then as soon as I got PG I NEEDED to know the sex. No idea why! As it happens DH didn't want to find out so we haven't. Not a big deal as such but I would like to be able to think of my baby as a daughter or a son. Plenty of time for that once they are born! The one thing I do want is for my husband to look and tell me the sex when its born instead of the MWs. For me this will add to the special and amazing day.
PPS (30 weeks today!!) XXX

cupcake78 · 11/05/2007 14:19

I have my scan on Monday and I am really confused as to what I want. I kind of do want to know but also don't want to be disappointed.

Eaglebird · 11/05/2007 16:14

DP & I don't want to find out beforehand. In fact, I don't even want the midwife to tell us at the birth - I want us to look and find out for ourselves.
Can you tell I love surprises??

Rantum · 11/05/2007 16:19

I found out - did not make that big a difference to me because I would have been delighted with either. As for the surprise element, I am sure that it is nice, but it was not important to me - I was excited enough to be having a baby at all, so I don't think that a surprise could have added to the experience. I will find out with my next pg too, if I am able.

(I have a pragmatic rather than a romantic personality, though, I think )

mammaduck · 11/05/2007 16:25

KerryMum - DH and I both definitely wanted to know the sex at the 20 week scan - we had girl/boy names sorted and we wanted to start calling the baby by a name rather than just 'Baby'.

Didn't use it to buy any gender-specific clothes though. No-one else did either, till DS was actually born.

Think the new fingerprick test that can tell you at something like 3 weeks is going a bit far though. 20 weeks is soon enough for me!

hippmummy · 11/05/2007 16:30

We found out with DS1 - I was convinced I was having a girl and wanted confirmation! In a way it spoilt my 22 week scan because I was so focussed on finding out the sex (and being in shock that I was wrong!) that I didn't really concentrate on everything the radiographer was saying and showing me.
With DS2 we didn't find out and I really prefered it that way. It gives you an extra bit of excitement to look forward to during the birth.
For me knowing the sex or not made no difference to how I bonded with the bump. Saying 'it' instead of 'he' didn't make me feel any less close.